Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the base,
Not a creature was stirring, no smile on a face.
The comm-ev’s continued with nary a care,
In hopes that the public would pocketbooks share.
The staff were all hopeful of bonuses this year,
But management said “no, and we don’t really care”
The SP’s were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of freedom danced in their heads
And Davey, with scotch and Laurisse on his arm
Thought people in Texas could do him no ham
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
Out on the lawn, stood clear in plain sight
What he saw there before him gave him such a big fright
Marty and Mike, Christie and Monique
Were smiling up at him – and he suddenly felt weak
Behind them were others, waving with cheers
They were chanting and cheering, and it sure hurt his ears
He knew in a moment it couldn’t be St Nick
And the people he saw just made him feel sick
Karen and Tory, Mark, Steve and Amy,
Debbie and Jeff, even John came along
In fact hundreds of people stood there before him
Everyone present, all those he’d done wrong
“Now Davey! Now Davey!” They chanted in song
“We’re here to displace you and send you along”
“So pack up your scotch and try quench your fear”
“As we hand over to you, this Court Order here!”
“Laurisse!” he did cry, “they’ve finally come”.
“I’m done for, I’m done for, I think that they’ve won!”
“Oh help me, please help me”, dear Davey cried,
As he dashed about madly, nowhere to hide
‘Ol Davey was shaking, holding his copper posts,
When before him appeared the image of a ghost
Quietly she stood, with kindness in her eyes,
She beckoned to Davey in the midst of his cries
“Come with me” said she, “I have something for you”
And off into night the both of them flew.
Over the hill tops and over the land,
Davey held tightly onto his ghostly friend’s hand
When finally they landed, in a very strange place,
He recognized quickly they had come to the base
“Why are we here?” Asked Davey in surprise,
The ghost just smiled kindly, and looked into his eyes
“I was sent here to fetch you for someone to meet”,
But first I was told to make sure that you eat”
“Aha” said old Davey, lighting a smoke,
“I think I am thirsty for scotch and a coke”
“But if you tell me your name, I will order a pizza”
She smiled at him kindly, and said, “My name is Lisa”
Davey turned white and he started to shake,
His knees were a-trembling and he started to quake.
Having eaten his fill, Lisa led him through a door,
Davey was thinking “I can’t take this anymore”
“Please tell me”, he said, “what are you going to do?”
“Something”, she replied “that is long overdue”
They entered a room that was cheery and bright,
A table in the middle with chairs and a light
“Take a seat here” said Lisa with care,
So Davey old Boy sat down in a chair.
He waited and waited for what seemed like an age,
He started to feel like the room was a cage
When he looked on the table, he near fainted and ran
On the table was sitting an e-meter and cans!
Davey was frightened like never before,
When in stepped a person, silently opening the door
Looking straight down at Davey, he said “hello, young man”
“I’ve come back to help you, and I sure hope I can”.
Davey by now thought his sanity clear gone,
Sitting in front of him was no other than Ron!
“Ok, Miscavige” said Ron with a smile,
“This is your first sec-check in quite a long while”.
Hundreds of hours and 50 files later,
Davey ‘ol boy felt less of a traitor
“I’m sorry Sir”, said Davey, with a tear in his eye,
“I realize now what a criminal am I”
“I promise to fix it, I promise not to fail”,
“No Davey”, said Ron, “because you’re going to jail”.
After session was ended and Ron got his F/N,
Davey was led out the same door again
People were cheering and had let go of their hate,
And Davey was content to now face his fate.
Ron gathered the people who had all been betrayed,
And thanked everyone who had refused to stay.
With a twinkle in his eye and a jolly big smile,
He told them he loved them, and had all the while
“Scientology is independent, and I really don’t mind
Just do what you can, as I did for mankind”.
He was happy and uptoned, his usual old self,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Everyone knew they had nothing to dread.
He shook all our hands, and thanked Marty and Mike
Told them both that their blogs he had liked
We all heard him exclaim, as he disappeared out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”