A short while ago Joleen wrote in a comment a little of her journey in Scientology. Someone suggested to write a full story which we invited her to do. However what she did is even better. She has given her success from leaving the church. We have no doubt many others shared similar experiences but we felt it should be shared. So here it is, thanks Joleen:
Joleen le Roux – SUCCESS STORY.
This blog has given a voice to people who have left the church and the voice is getting stronger. Its more than I ever hoped when I eventually let people around me know that I had resigned from the Church. Every story has given me something. Food for thought, knowing that I’m not alone and knowing that what I had experienced while a member, was not just me, that I wasn’t PTS type 3 or psychotic, but that it was and still is real.
That’s why I am not going to write my story about being in the church, it’s not dissimilar to yours. I am going to give you my wins since I left. LRH offered us an adventure, and the adventure I have had since leaving is in my opinion, is equal to an entire OT Levels wins.
- FREEDOM: This means many things to different people, but for me it was:
- Freedom of speech. Sounds strange but I always believed that the goal of the Comms Course and TR’s etc., was to enable us to give or receive any communication. To not evaluate, invalidate or denigrate another’s communication. So being able to rehabilitate this state has been a setting free of all the barriers I encountered before, and reverting back to my native state, freedom of speech!
- Freedom of thought. The ability to “think”. Without doubting whether I had taken on a lowered condition, become antagonistic, had committed overts etc. To once again be free to read and think on anything, evaluating for myself its relevance and weighing in up against other data to reach a conclusion of my own! Well that’s freedom of thought!
- Freedom of choice. Who can I be friends with and what can I discuss with them freely restricted only by my own integrity to give that communication that is easily received. Freedom to go anywhere and experience anything. No longer am I restricted on what I can read, research, become informed about, study or investigate.
- SANITY: This is such a fantastic knowingness for me. To know that I am not insane, type 3 or PTS. In fact the realisation that I was the sane one all along and that my conclusions was in fact reached by looking, not listening was a life-saver. Observation of the stats, such as the veering off purpose, to handle and make arbitraries such as Ideal Orgs and the basics, the main goal, was the beginning of my journey to full awareness. Knowing that if people spend the money they had donated to services, they would have gone far on the bridge, possibly and in some cases, all the way to OT 100! Lol. Whilst the org’s would have delivered service’s and training to winning, VGI PC’s, making the same amount of money – but, there would have been “good” exchange in and that would be called “SANE”. Sanity in knowing that I had done my doubt, and found that the group I wished to belong to was Scientology and the group I was departing from was the Church. That by doing so was the most sane thing I had done since coming into Scientology. Knowing something is not right and then getting out of its way ceasing to flow power to an obnoxious organisation that in the end, would have destroyed me completely.
- INTEGRITY: Regaining my integrity was massive for me. Pretending to be part of something whilst I was doing everything to extricate myself, is not, in my books, a good thing to do. Differentiating between Scientology and the Church and making my choice based on the greatest good for the greatest number of my Dynamics was a huge relief. Remaining true to myself, my goals and purposes and then making my choices based on that. No matter how hard, I aligned my ultimate goal of spiritual freedom and happiness, but it took a bit of lateral thinking. On one hand, I knew I was not happy, had massive disagreements and totally lacked trust, on the other hand, I second guessed myself, buying into the lie that for me to feel that way, I must have committed some pretty bad overt’s, that I was living in the past therefore must be re-stimulated therefore must be PTS etc., etc., etc.Being able to now look at my level of happiness, my level of spiritual awareness, my trust in myself and those with whom I chose to communicated with has been a mammoth release!
Being able to once again be a full member of my family with all their quirks, their strangeness’s, their choices of religion, habits and failings is very theta. They accepted me back into their fold without judgement and without ridicule. I first and foremost gave them my allegiance which I slowly withdrew as my involvement with the church deepened. I found myself having gone backwards instead of forwards. When the crunch came, I found myself very alone. LRH said to never withdraw allegiance once granted, so to give back this allegiance to a group that support me, was another release of great magnitude.
To be free to judge others not using the stringent out tech of labelling anyone that was (a) going through a rough patch, (b) having difficulties in life, (c) losing their job, (d) getting ill, etc., as PTSness, overts and withholds and so on, and to once again, use my knowledge of Scientology tech to help others, to be compassionate and not judgemental, to see their suffering and be able to help is wonderful. After all, wanting to be helpful was an innate part of who I am. I lost this when it became more important to me whether a person was PTS or suppressive. I am so glad to have myself back.
That’s just a summation of what I have gained. This is case gain at its best. This I recovered without any other help from anything other than the application of the tech as I understood it over the 25 years I was in the Church. I also did first dynamic conditions with one Thata lady who today, finds herself on the outside as part of the now famous 18.
All I did was resign from the Church, thereby making it known to both sides that I no longer was part of this group. Since then, I have found it a walk in the park to be myself and I am so glad to be back.
Do I thank the church? Yes, in my way I do. Had it not been there in the first place, I would not have the knowledge of the tech and would not be using it now to find my brand of Spiritual freedom. I would not be able to thank L. Ron Hubbard for the tech that whilst its miss-application enslaved me, its true application is setting me free.
Today I know that I am very lucky. I have the tech and know enough to use it constructively. I am once again embarking of a road to spiritual awareness without preconceived ideas, but with the full power of data evaluation, looking, not listening, observing the stats of a group and having the ability to take my knowledge from any source I chose to take it from and to align myself with whoever I chose, is an adventure. The turnaround in me from being angry, apathetic, depressed and fearful is amazing. I have regained much of my self-confidence back, I am in comm with people I really love and have an enthusiasm about life and the future I had all but given up on. I am calm as a matter of beingness, for the first time in my life. I don’t suffer from self-doubt, from anxiety and from outside labelling and invalidation. I have achieved the state I was hoping to achieve when I attested to Clear. Life is beautiful!
I hope you enjoy my wins, I give them to you because I care. And I know that each of you have your own wins to share with us. So whilst it is important to share our stories, lets also celebrate with sharing our wins.
Joleen le Roux