The fresh air outside


A short while ago Joleen wrote in a comment a little of her journey in Scientology. Someone suggested to write a full story which we invited her to do. However what she did is even better. She has given her success from leaving the church. We have no doubt many others shared similar experiences but we felt it should be shared. So here it is, thanks Joleen: 

Joleen le Roux – SUCCESS STORY.

This blog has given a voice to people who have left the church and the voice is getting stronger.  Its more than I ever hoped when I eventually let people around me know that I had resigned from the Church.  Every story has given me something.  Food for thought, knowing that I’m not alone and knowing that what I had experienced while a member, was not just me, that I wasn’t PTS type 3 or psychotic, but that it was and still is real.

That’s why I am not going to write my story about being in the church, it’s not dissimilar to yours.  I am going to give you my wins since I left.  LRH offered us an adventure, and the adventure I have had since leaving is in my opinion, is equal to an entire OT Levels wins.

  1. FREEDOM:  This means many things to different people, but for me it was:
    1. Freedom of speech.  Sounds strange but I always believed that the  goal of the Comms Course and TR’s etc., was to enable us to give or receive any communication.  To not evaluate, invalidate or denigrate another’s communication. So being able to rehabilitate this state has been a setting free of all the barriers I encountered before, and reverting back to my native state, freedom of speech!
    2. Freedom of thought.  The ability to “think”.  Without doubting whether I  had taken on a lowered condition, become antagonistic, had committed overts etc.  To once again be free to read and think on anything, evaluating for myself its relevance and weighing in up against other data to reach a conclusion of my own!  Well that’s freedom of thought!
    3. Freedom of choice.  Who can I be friends with and what can I discuss with them freely restricted only by my own integrity to give that communication that is easily received.  Freedom to go anywhere and experience anything.  No longer am I restricted on what I can read, research, become informed about, study or investigate.
  2. SANITY: This is such a fantastic knowingness for me. To know that I am not insane, type 3 or PTS.  In fact the realisation that I was the sane one all along and that my conclusions was in fact reached by looking, not listening was a life-saver.  Observation of the stats, such as the veering off purpose, to handle and make arbitraries such as Ideal Orgs and the basics, the main goal, was the beginning of my journey to full awareness. Knowing that if people spend the money they had donated to services, they would have gone far on the bridge, possibly and in some cases, all the way to OT 100! Lol.  Whilst the org’s would have delivered service’s and  training to winning, VGI PC’s, making the same amount of money – but, there would have been “good” exchange in and that would be called “SANE”.  Sanity in knowing that I had done my doubt, and found that the group I wished to belong to was Scientology and the group I was departing from was the Church. That by doing so was the most sane thing I had done since coming into Scientology.  Knowing something is not right and then getting out of its way ceasing to flow power to an obnoxious organisation that in the end, would have destroyed me completely.
  3. INTEGRITY:           Regaining my integrity was massive for me.  Pretending to be part of something whilst I was doing everything to extricate myself,  is not, in my books, a good thing to do.  Differentiating between Scientology and the Church and making my choice based on the greatest good for the greatest number of my Dynamics was a huge relief. Remaining true to myself, my goals and purposes and then making my choices based on that.  No matter how hard, I aligned my ultimate goal of spiritual freedom and happiness, but it took a bit of lateral thinking.  On one hand,  I knew I was not happy, had massive disagreements and totally lacked trust, on the other hand, I second guessed myself, buying into the lie that for me to feel that way, I must have committed some pretty bad overt’s, that I was living in the past therefore must be re-stimulated therefore must be PTS etc., etc., etc.Being able to now look at my level of happiness, my level of spiritual awareness, my trust in myself and those with whom I chose to communicated with has been a mammoth release!

    Being able to once again be a full member of my family with all their quirks, their strangeness’s,  their choices of religion, habits and failings is very theta.  They accepted me back into their fold without judgement and without ridicule.  I first and foremost gave them my allegiance which I slowly withdrew as my involvement with the church deepened. I found myself having gone backwards instead of forwards. When the crunch came, I found myself very alone.  LRH said to never withdraw allegiance once granted, so to give back this allegiance to a group that support me, was another release of great magnitude.

    To be free to judge others not using the stringent out tech of labelling anyone that was (a) going through a rough patch, (b) having difficulties in life, (c) losing their job, (d) getting ill, etc., as PTSness, overts and withholds and so on, and to once again, use my knowledge of Scientology tech to help others, to be compassionate and not judgemental, to see their suffering and be able to help is wonderful.  After all, wanting to be helpful was an innate part of who I am.  I lost this when it became more important to me whether a person was PTS or suppressive. I am so glad to have myself back.

That’s just a summation of what I have gained.  This is case gain at its best.  This I recovered without any other help  from anything other than the application of the tech as I understood it over the 25 years I was in the Church.  I also did first dynamic conditions with one Thata lady who today, finds herself on the outside as part of the now famous 18.

All I did was resign from the Church, thereby making it known to both sides that I no longer was part of this group.  Since then, I have found it a walk in the park to be myself and I am so glad to be back.

Do I thank the church?  Yes, in my way I do.  Had it not been there in the first place, I would not have the knowledge of the tech and would not be using it now to find my brand of Spiritual freedom.  I would not be able to thank L. Ron Hubbard for the tech that whilst its miss-application enslaved me, its true application is setting me free.

Today I know that I am very lucky.  I have the tech and know enough to use it constructively.  I am once again embarking of a road to spiritual awareness without preconceived ideas, but with the full power of data evaluation, looking, not listening, observing the stats of a group and having the ability to take my knowledge from any source I chose to take it from and to align myself with whoever I chose, is an adventure.  The turnaround in me from being angry, apathetic, depressed and fearful is amazing.  I have regained much of my self-confidence back, I am in comm with people I really love and have an enthusiasm about life and the future I had all but given up on.  I am calm as a matter of beingness, for the first time in my life.  I don’t suffer from self-doubt, from anxiety and from outside labelling and invalidation.  I have achieved the state I was hoping to achieve when I attested to Clear. Life is beautiful!

I hope you enjoy my wins, I give them to you because I care.  And I know that each of you have your own wins to share with us.  So whilst it is important to share our stories, lets also celebrate with sharing our wins.

Much love

Joleen le Roux


49 thoughts on “The fresh air outside

  1. Very nice post Joleen! I think it was a very good idea to highlight the gains you’ve had since you left rather than fixate on all the outnesses you experienced. It’s so great being free of the oppression and fear and introversion! Well done to you!

  2. Thank you Joleen, for sharing this with us.
    It’s a beautifully written and inspirational story.
    I think we all share many commonalities but the one particular aspect for me is the finding peace outside the walls of the church. And that alone is a huge win.
    Wishing you much peace, love and prosperity for 2014.

  3. WOW!!!!, Joleen, This is spectacular!!!
    And SO VERY WELL DONE!!!!!
    I remember your struggles well and am so glad that you have set yourself free.
    I wish you every success as you soar to even greater heights as I know you will now on your chose path.
    Much love, Wendy B

    • That is a great write up Joleen, well done and thank you for sharing it with us. It is a great relief from having to pretend that all is smelling sweet in the compost heap and now you have the freedom to smell the roses. We will meet soon again I hope.
      Love Ernest and Gaye

      • When you come down to the fairest Cape again, maybe we can have a drink or some coffee. Seeing you guys again will be so wonderful. something to look forward to in 2014!

  4. Very well done Joleen. I hope your post starts others sharing more of their wins since leaving the church. I have also experienced great freedom since leaving the church. My biggest win is taking full responsibilty for my case and taking my next step being self determined and not to simply get the staff off my back! I do everything now that I choose to do and not because im receiving 20 calls to do it or because of a threat of being an “ethics particle”.
    The air on the outside definately fills your lungs with great release instead of the suffocating stale air within.

  5. Beautifully written Joleen.
    You made me think of all the people that the “church” has betrayed. Instead of delivering truth and correct indications, they happily give wrong indications and try to spin people in, to prevent their sordid lies from being found out.
    The truth IS coming out and one day all the people who had the guts to say what they see will be vindicated and the others who lied and tried to cave others in to prevent themselves from confronting will have to eat some big crow, and do some mighty big amends.
    Thank God their are people like you Joleen.

    • Tony…. each individual has their own universe and that universe is their reality and that reality- what they believe in is their Truth… Just because one do not have the same reality as others do and do not agree what other persons or groups are doing that do not make those other persons or groups BEING WRONG…BAD… EVIL… that makes those persons of groups DIFFERENT from what the self believes in and nothing more just DIFFERENT what we believe in.

      When one walks on the Path of Self-discovery and when one finally walks out of the Solid Believes than one realises that only believes were holding one in that Solid Universe and those belief were the self made prison created by no one but self because believed that it was the TRUTH.
      But TRUTH any TRUTH is only a though …a idea… a belief a consideration and any idea is a CONSIDERATION and therefore DO NOT HAVE A SOLID FORMS and that makes those IDEAS-CONSIDERATIONS INTANGIBLE…. yes.. they are intangible and that is why one can discard any one them and get a different one.
      Get the idea? What is good or what is bad those realities are just simply made up whatever.
      Best to you and your wife for the yet to come! Elizabeth

    • I also would like to add that when one believes that ones very own ideas-thoughts are better than the other persons:with that one believes one is better… superior to that other person aand the other person is bad.. evil. no good… harfull etc….etc..and these beliefs that causes the ARCb’x…The very separation of self from others and that places one outside of the Spiritual universe into the Solid Beliefs as it is called the MEST U. and that is not an the Spiritual Path of Enlightenment.
      I have found by the time I have discovered and confronted all my Overts and Witholds I realised I was the last person who could throw stones on any one in this Universe.
      You see Tony… each individual personal universe stands… remains as IS because it contains equal amount of good-bad ideas -considerations: act and these so called creations sort of holding each other in place. Negative-Positive… they need each other to remain in place but of course this law only applies till one has the believes that one has the body, one is born and will die, that there is life and there is nothing after that..
      Long as the separation exist because evaluation one will remain in the MEST..
      Of course this is my reality and nothing more.
      I have found out that I don’t lead any one and I don’t fallow any one… Yes and Joleen is right we do walk alone… but that too is a considerations which is intangible same as any other beliefs-agreements: Exp: we are a group… we are two of us or we are singular… or alone.
      Even that thought ”alone” is a though and only belongs in the Human reality=beliefs, since only something created can be alone.. be singular… be separated
      It do not exist in the Spiritual Realm since a Entity is intangible-infinite and anything added considered more what that Entity is will make that idea-consideration belong into the universe , entered as a CREATION; doing something… being something is a creation and never the Entity.

      • I think I got the gist of what you are saying Elizabeth.
        I never said that I am overt free. Far from it. But I don’t believe that all thetans or people have the same level of overts, sins, crimes, whatever. I believe in the infinity valued logic of there is no absolute good or bad. One can always move more and more towards being a better person or a worse person. I do call bullshit when I see it. There are a lot of jerks in the cult and I think they are working for the most part to make themselves worse. I am not asking you to agree with me. DM is the scum of the Earth in my opinion. I am so far above that guy it’s not even funny, as are most people on this planet. I think there are a lot of salvageable people still in the cult. Some are just hiding and in fear and can be salvaged. Some like the cob will be working at redemption for lifetimes.

    • Tony…. We live in a Glass House… the Spiritual Universe is the Glass House. Here in this Universe where I am in fact That “I” that self do not exist… Here in this Universe where I am the ” I –Me– Self ”as a individual do not exist.
      Here in this Universe we co-share co-create…. here every creation has equal value regardless what label name is hanged an that creation..
      I have a reality-understanding that every person is at the place where they need to be in order to learn from that lesson and sooner or later every being will confront that lesson and will have a life changing realization.
      I no longer evaluate judge others because I don’t have the reason to do so, since I had to evaluate ALL MY actions in session and By doing that I have realised that my evaluation will never change other persons universe…
      SO I don’t throw stones at anyone because that stone that judgement-evaluation only show where the thrower of that stone really is . Pinpoints the throwers ARCB’s
      Thank you for your reply.. I do appreciate communication since that establishes creative energy which we both experience.. 🙂 this is a magical universe and we live in what we create… if one creates hell and believes that it is hell than that is hell.
      But if one creates something and truly believes it is heaven than no person in this universe can convince that person differently not even collective agreement by others who do see that creation evil.
      All creations are equal in the universe only INDIVIDUAL judge-evaluate accordingly to their belief- their reality.
      And individuality only exist an Planet Earth and individuality has nothing to do with the Spiritual Universe. Individuality that concept is a aberrated belief.

  6. Thanks for telling your story. I hope many others in doubt or fearing the outside read this. Freedom is in leaving and being yourself.

  7. Thank you all for your responses. It is very encouraging to hear from you. I look forward to reading your success stories and to see how well you are doing. We now have the freedom to really experience the wins we all had whilst availing ourselves of the tech without the suppression from the church and to regain the releases and EP’s, all but forgotten in the deluge of Church interference, evaluation and invalidation. I love you all. Happy new year!

  8. Bonjour,
    Thanks for the share of your wins. It amplifies mine !!
    I am experiencing the same right now.
    As the final end of a true rundown (all of you helped in this journey, with your comments, your stories, your compassion, your emotions…) I could send some minutes ago my official withdrawal letter !!!
    Wow !!! a full rundown !!! with a lot of discoveries, about the situation, about myself…
    I am OUT !!!! with more understanding and love and afinity after this “IN-OUT CoS” than before!!
    Don’t forget to excuse my english…!!! hihihi…
    BEAUTIFUL YEAR 2014 to all the readers and initiators of this blog.

  9. Oh Joleen such a beautiful story and so lovely you took the time
    to share your wins – so many of us have experienced the heartache
    of leaving the Church with friends and family disconnecting abruptly
    and these wins give us the encouragement knowing we can once
    again feel the freedom and certainty of creating a new future.
    Thank youxx


  10. Joleen, I am re-reading your post. All is so beautifully said.
    On my side, I had a very big release yesterday when I realised that my almost constant behavior in judging others, trying to relate their doings and feelings with overts, PTSness and so on, in an effort to link this to an “know best” valence that I accepted, was NOT my natural state! and a whole piece of bs (? bullshit) went away, leaving me in peace with myself and like free to be life like the butterfly. I feel free of just recognise, acknowledge and handle if asked for doing so, and not “obliged” to be interfering and in charge. I am not sure I express it the correct way…
    I feel exactly the same than you. So thanks for having written it so well and clearly.
    We are building a new part of free world…

    • Hi Florence,your comm was very clear. It’s a huge release to be able to see problems that people are having as no more or no less than problems. And with the tech we have, we can help to handle the problem so that the person can move forward. After all, a problem is intention – counter intention. Thats pretty much all it is. PTSness only sets in when the person allows him/herself to go effect and out of PT on it. I know, I thought I was in that space a lot before I left. But not all problems are a PTS condition expecially when you understand the intention/counter intention concept. So with the evaluation data, the ethics tech (with a light touch of course) and a lot of ARC, you and I have ther power to actually help people and thats one win the church can NEVER take away from us. Yeah!!!

  11. Joleen, What an amazing, captivating story! You are indeed, enjoying some incredible wins! You are spot on too, in actually thanking, The “Church”. They effectively did you a big favor, by inadvertently revealing their home grown “Prince of Darkness” to you. I think you are one of the luckier ones, that didn’t suffer ‘permanent’ damage, when some of ‘his’ cloaked minions, tried to sink their fangs, into your own neck., on the local front.

    Just think, if you hadn’t awoken when you did, you might have been ‘out there’ trolling for blood, with the rest of the ‘walking dead’ entourage from ” The Crypt of The Vampire!”

    As you know, that all turns out to be a myth anyway, and ‘the walking dead’, can be brought ‘back to life’ by simply being willing to “trash” the notion of them actually being trapped. in the first place. It was all cleverly, and surreptitiously accomplished through the installation of that paralyzing, unquestioned ………infusion of FEAR!

    Although it takes as long as it takes, for each individual, once out from the “darkness”, and into the glorious SUNlight, one just never has to look back!

    Feast on your freedom Joleen, and I just know it’s going to be a wonderful time, catching up with your ‘to do list’, now that ‘mind- control ‘ chapter is in the incinerator, where it belongs!

    ML, Calvin B. Duffield, Durban. (declaration – 12 may 2012 Mothers Day Marty’s blog 1/2 way down page) Oh, Talking about ‘crow’ , Hi Tony DePhillips.( Always good to see you here, man 🙂 )

    A VERY happy & prosperous 2014 to everyone here, (and those about to wake up too!)

      • So right bro.’ some just “can’t” bring themselves to do that, though.
        Just another self made, booby trap of “self’ denial. Hey Tony? 🙂

    • I promise you racingintheblood39, I was reduced to the walking dead. That is why my life outside of the church is an adventure every day – because I have regained life itself. I chose not to dwell into the sordit details of my story because I can stand on my head and shout hallalua and it will not change what was. But I have life in me today and can create my tomorrows. So the success story was for me a pivotal point in unsticking myself from the past and propelling my life into the future. Every day I marvel at life itself because the person I was reduced to was but a mere shadow of a sentient being. Now I breath and enjoy every breath. I have no intention of looking back, only of experiencing every day and loving ther adventure. Please write a success story, I want to share in your joy!

      • Joleen have I offended you in any way in my comment to you, I am wondering because you have not acknowledge it? if I have please let mw know. Elizabeth.

      • So sorry Elizabeth. I got so many wonderful responses and at one point I was feeling a bit overwelmed so I went to bed, smiling, happy and all warm and fuzzy. Your analogy of “peals is beautiful and I got your picture perfectly. I am certainly going to read your blog. Thank you so much for your reach, for sharing with me your wonderful thoughts and for giving me your friendship and trust. I hope to be in comm with you from here on outward.

      • Joeleen, your regained beingness IS the best success story I can “write,” since my joy comes from sharing yours.

        ML, Calvin.

    • Calvin….. any damage, having damage, being damaged, or damaging others is a consideration a belief… If one believes that one is damaged, done in by others, being PTs to anything or everything than that person is a victim because blaming others for that condition.
      No one can damage any one… NO ONE!!!! but one can believe that and if that person do believes, that means that person has a huge bunch of ARCB’s piled up… and ALL ARCB’s can be handled in session…
      So those who have a long list that the church damaged them in any ways can have session and many good wins and after the sessions and when their confront comes up than the realization will be that whatever has happen it has happened because they went into agreement that it has happened to them.
      Everything happens for a reason.. to learn something from those creations because what ever happens to any one that HAPPENING IS THEIR OWN CREATION!!!! No one but no one can create your own universe!!!
      LRH talks about parallel universes, what are those universes and where are those universes?
      Yours, mine, others, can be placed side by side in a long-long row which would extend here to eternity that is simply the parallel universes. in other words our universes are interwoven.

      • No one can damage any one… NO ONE!!!!

        Great posts you make. Exactly, what a colossal waste of time dwelling on motivators, the end-product is misery. Life is in you today, and you make your own tomorrow. And the tech is there to assist us in creating that.

      • Dear Formost, Thank You.. 🙂 here is my reality on what is LIFE.. That is a concept containing a large group of other beliefs: being conceived, being born, being a baby, a child, growing, age, having years, living, having a body, having years, sex, + hundreds of other considerations which include: sickness, health, old, wrinkles, death, no more… not having life, not living being dead etc.. etc… When one confront in session one by one all these concepts and of course one looks for their origin in the past as in the ”track” and while one confronts have hundreds of cognitions on these matters what is “LIFE” means.. Life and the rest of the thought are just that intangible concepts which are all illusions but we believe that they are real. We are as entities playing a game and the game is that we have a LIFE, we have problems, that we suffer, we love, we have this or that… You see, we create in order to have experience.. and these creations are our havingness, When one confronts not only the beliefs of the Human species but the Universe one will find that Life is a Illusion a make belief, a game. And it is than one realises that one is a Entity without being anything and that state is labeled a spiritual state.. OT? Yes, the Tech is available and can be used by any one. It is a wonderful tool, and LRH’s greates gift beside the auditing technology is that we have learned what is “”CONFRONT”’ and what confront can do= erase, as-is. So using the Tech, knowing how to confront one can face any created reality that includes the Universe it self… confronting is a adventure and little by little [in sessions] confronting the universe gives one the greatest adventures ever created by any Entity.

      • Great analogies , Elizabeth, and thank you for making contact, too. At the end of the day, after straightening out our respective journeys, to an “F/N,” ….somehow, we find a phrase, thought, or snippet of LRH wisdom, filtering through, calling us to attend it’s message… For me, here’s this little pearl:

        …….”All the happiness you ever find,…. lies in you!”

        ML, Calvin, Durban.

      • 🙂 Right you are!
        At the end of the long journey I have realized: past do not exist and same goes for the future, we have only a moment: when we create and while we create in that fraction of a moment we experience and the is NOW.

  12. Joleen hello to you from Vancouver BC .
    Thank you for sharing your reality-universe … wonderful to be in your space while reading your thoughts.
    LRH did say “never compromise your own reality” and also said ”’Take what you can use and discard the rest.””
    It is up to each individual to evaluate for them self what is good what is bad, can be applied or not in their own universe and act accordingly since no one can ”’give” truth to any one it is up to us to sort out what IS.
    You see I believe that the Church believes that they give the Truth, the Freedom and that they deliver what they getting paid for.. because that is they reality… that is what they believe in is freedom and the truth. That is their awareness is.
    If the person goes into the church and remains there and agrees to all its rules well that that becomes their reality their truth but we all change and same as you and many of us and we regain some different reality and we simply step out of that agreement we were in.. With that we just move into different reality… we just move into different group who agrees differently.
    One can change considerations with a drop of the hat: I love being in the church and I hate being in the church;;I am losing, I am winning… simple as that. 🙂
    Taking responsibility for self that is a half of the battle and well done… very well done. 🙂
    I am giving you here a big hug and let you know that when one takes responsibility and say “”no matter what has happened and will come on my way in the future I am the cause of that”” having that belief one do walk in a very different universe and that places you on the Path of Self Discovery The Path of Enlightenment.

    When You have time read my win…after I left the church as Full OT7 NOT’s completion and How I have continued with the self discovery. From My blog:
    “””To walk the walk of the Solo Auditor: the Path of Enlightenment, The self-discovery.”
    My best to you and I wish you all a Happy New Year!

    The cognitions are like pearls..
    Each one is being born out of pain and sufferings,
    They arise out of mystery, secrets and the deep darkness of the long forgotten
    Yet how beautiful they are!
    They vary in their importance before they evaporate
    Yet they remain yours for eternity in form of invisible knowledge.
    The basic cognitions are the rarest of al pearls, since only few exist
    But their value is the exchange which buys your freedom out from the MEST Universe.
    I wish for you string of pearls containing: happiness, wisdom and knowledge.

    It is up to each person to take responsibility for their own reality whatever that may be and when the person do that the BLAME=being a victim no longer existing and one just moves in a different level which is self determination.

    • “The cognitions are like pearls…”…
      Very beautiful, Elizabeth !!! I like it very much.
      I will read your blog and get some fresh air from Canada…

    • Elizabeth, I tried to log in on your blog but didn’t succeed. I like all what you say and I have some abilities as yours. It’s real fun using them in clearing our environement!!!
      I will take more time to read your posts and try to connect. A bientôt !!!

      • Hello Florence!!! It is easy to get into the blog, just goggle my name, there are many entries since I have written up 205 basic cogs Dear Florence, we all have the same abilities, while I was in session and auditing =confronting many different topics which had nothing to do with me I that that that time but that turned out differently, so I was giving sessions to the environment, clouds, stars, ocean, under the sea, suns, and other planets etc..etc.. and Entities who I thought created those things and I come to understanding that we all co-created everything… the whole universe and we all have equal power, we all have the ability to create but here an This planet because of the beliefs, the human beliefs what that contains are the barriers itself to believe we are the creators.. More sessions one has, more of those barriers -belief fall away and slowly one realises that yes I have abilities, yes I have power a bit more than I need to wipe my nose or drive my car. When one looks around one can see what one can create because what you see… matter what that is …is your creation… you might not own that an paper, but trust me it is your creation… even the item that includes the Himalayas .the sun and the moon to the last little flee. Auditing works,,, it is on incredible tool and by using that tool one really can discover not only who is self, the Entity but how the Universe is created continual by the Entity. PS; by the way I am not commenting here in order to look for PCs. I am a solo auditor., and as a solo auditor my work is not done an one an one basis but I audit beings who do not have bodies. I don’t get fee for that 🙂

  13. Joleen, I relate to much of what you’ve written. The feeling of freedom I experienced and release as though I’d been held down which I had been even if in my own mind and universe out of what I felt was necessity. The knowingness that I was not wrong in what I was observing, the release from fear or constantly thinking I needed a Sec Check or minimally to write up my OWs because I was disagreeing with something or someone. The power of choice now of what I do, if I do it, when do I feel like doing it, how and where is so uplifting, it was quite tremendous case change for me.

    My leaving was gradual, over a period of a year or a bit more, not planned that way in particular, or at least no consciously, so the wrench was not too great. However, I’m still revelling in the fact that I’ve done it. I know peace and freedom. People who have not gone through this would not understand what is meant by freedom in this case.

    I regret nothing about my coming into Scientology and even though most my Bridge was done prior GAT 1, I had standard auditing. I am satisfied with the results and certainly would not have not had my auditing or training. I’ve had much case gain.

    There was madness and I felt it very early in my Scientology career, as early as in the first month. I was sold on the fact that I’d found what I was looking for in Scientology and I clung to that. I believed emphatically in everything LRH did or said or mapped out for us. I’m not sure if I should be doing that so wholeheartedly any longer but I do know that what I’ve taken from him so far has been more than helpful and given me huge understanding of myself, others, relationships, life, governments, organisations, planets, etc. I am finding out that LRH is not all that he and/or others said he was but, right now, I don’t care. I got the best out of him and I salute him for that and what he did for us. I got that he cared and was sincere in giving us this tech. The tech has saved my life many a time. It’s not even that I apply it always consciously or methodically, it’s the awareness and the knowingness I’ve gained. I operate well in the theta universe and often handle the mest universe from there.

    I got a lot of the tech before it was too screwed up, including my auditing. I feel, not lucky, but clever to have come in when I did but also to have gotten out when I did. I got the best of the best. I will, in a while, pursue getting more auditing and training from without the church.

    I was on staff and although a nightmare for me, it made me aware, strong and streetwise. I believe without being ‘streetwise’, I would not have lasted the full stretch. It taught me to distrust the SO and I’m glad of this. I could survive in spite of them. There were many SO members I did respect and trust but none from Joburg, I must add. I can’t name one from here that I can respect or trust.

    I studied the green vols, the whole lot, so I’m pretty clued up about how it should and shouldn’t be.

    I not sorry I did the Basics and Lectures. It was the Lectures mostly from which I had huge case gain. I changed as a person, trusting in myself and my ability to do and get what I want.

    I want justice for MD but not just to have him removed, justice to be served, not all brushed over, but for a new management, not Fascist, not run by the FBI, not criminal but effective without the need to bully, threaten, punish, make wrong but to manage with care and kindness. This does not mean management is ineffective but rather astute, business people, applying LRH admin tech as laid out on how to boom an organisation – managers with good control, that is, 8C with ARC per How to Live Though an Executive and the Secret of Good Management – caring.

    I doubt that any reg who regged me up the Bridge was doing more than pushing his stats up. I don’t mind particularly as it did the trick. I was not pushed much into doing things I didn’t want to do, was pretty self determined about it. I did receive care – from my auditors, ethics terminals at ANZO and Flag from whom I experienced a very light, even validating touch. It was from the local org, Johannesburg, that I received the rough stuff. Even if you’re in another org in another province, which I was from time to time, the arm of certain terminals, already named, was long. I grant that the fear I knew, even terror was a key in. However, it felt real.

    All that is over now. Like you, Joleen, I revel in my new life. I haven’t been out for all that long but you’d think it was only yesterday the way I luxuriate, abandon myself to choices, toy with decisions, don’t see everything as an insurmountable problem, don’t seem to have problems per se. It’s exhilarating. I don’t take the calls, don’t have to speak to anyone I don’t need to, don’t participate in anything I don’t want to. I don’t have to listen to the hype and lies or be patronised. How delicious!

    The funniest thing for me is that I’m a mature person and yet I let myself get into states that were far from optimum often. I stayed because I needed to get to the point where I am now, as trained as I probably want to be, for now, in good case shape, stable within myself and in my life, happy and prosperous. I feel in control. I can say, Up yours – if I want to.

    My story, like yours, Joleen, is a long one; it would take many hours to write and many pages. It is similar to most people’s story, probably a bit worse, yes. Maybe. But here we are on the other side. I didn’t think I came out unscathed but now I think I did. At any rate, life is good, going well and the wisdom learnt can never be taken away.

  14. Wonderful post. The gains available from leaving are tremendous as you so beautifully wrote. The gains from the tech practiced outside the confines of the suppression of the CoS are also tremendous. Thanks for your post. :>)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s