Another OT walks out the door

Photo Flo

As you all know this is a very proudly South African blog but we are so pleased to bring you this story from France. She has left the church and walked into the sunshine. And our community played a part in her journey. She said this in an email to ScnAfrica: “I have a look on your site every day. The freedom of expression and the compassionate comments are heart-warming. It really helped me to go through a true process, starting from feeling muzzled and alone to being informed, responsible and confident. So I thank you so much!!! Via the various posts and viewpoints I have been able to evolve in my emotions and thoughts and memories, allowing me to as-is and take full responsibility. I could realise also that due to my very firm and “obstinate” integrity I have been protected from a lot of “balls-up” and despite my light training and old auditing level I will recover soon!!! So THANKS to all participants to that blog.”

“Back in Comm”. It’s a hell of thing!

Here’s her letter: 

Official withdrawal from Church of Scn

by Florence, OT III, ex public of Paris Org, CC Paris & St-Hill UK

My daughter, staff in Brussels Ideal Org, has recently disconnected from me, because I told her in September that I don’t intend to come back onto official church lines for services and, maybe some day in the future, I would possibly take services in an independent group – so called “squirrel”☺.

She actually disconnected because I prefer my integrity and refuse to submit to an emotional blackmail of whether I can see my child and grand-children or not.

To me it sounds like a false condition assignment and a violation of the down-to-earth “Way to happiness”.

So there remains no reason not to publicly announce my continuous and increasing disagreement with what the official Church of Scientology has become: MEST oriented, putting forward elitism based on money, removing valuable LRH highly trained auditors and C/S and buddies (what is the real intention?), introducing distortions in LRH technology, leadership taken on by a new self appointed “source” and destructing all the measures taken by LRH in order to prevent the possession of Scientology by a single person, harassment of dedicated staff members, suppression of the freedom to talk freely and get informed, misuse of ethics leading the public to PTSness, length of the New bridge, which produces far less auditors and real OTs than before, reporting of false stats leading staffs and public to believe that Scientology is expanding, bad use of PR…

For years (since 1992) I’ve had the feeling that “something is going wrong”, but this “something” has become more and more odd and perverse. I think the first huge shock was in 1993 when I was on my OT III cycle at St-Hill UK. I was working in a French company run by Scientologists. My “American” boss had made things easier to me so that I could pay for my auditing and go after having prepared all my job in advance. After only a few days in England I started to receive faxes via Ethics Officer from my French boss putting pressure on me about this and that (pure enturbulation for nothing) and it took many weeks until a Non enturbulation order was finally issued, as I was spending more time in Ethics and handling PTPs (they had stopped paying me without notice) than having wins. Actually the “management” of my company (many OT VII, OT V and OT III, and amongst them an “Ethics Specialist”) was “dramatising” my absence. “HOW CAN THE ORGANISATION SET UP BY LRH AND DEDICATED TO THE DELIVERY OF OTS ALLOW SUCH A SITUATION?? …A BANK AGREEMENT ON BEHALF OF OTS?AND SUCH A LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY? IS THAT THE PRODUCT OF ADVANCED OT LEVELS? OF TRAINING? OF LRH PHILOSOPHY BEING APPLIED?” This special period of time originally envisioned as a reward and a joyful adventure turned out to be my first experiment of suppression… Struggle from beginning to far end. My banker seemed to be more human and sympathetic than Scn fellows.After this experience I never felt like to continue on the Bridge: no trust anymore, although I recognise my responsibility and my omission of the “Price of freedom”.

An anecdote just for fun: when I started the Communication course in 1982 my very first disappointment was that the ashtray was not supposed to rise into the air alone by itself!!! I was ready for that!!! ☺

I had decided at one point (1995) to give no more money to that group conducted by COB (David Miscavige) for “dubious” (from my viewpoint) goals:

_ My refusal to upgrade my status of IAS lifetime member,

_ My refusal to give even a cent for the huge perversion of LRH ideas about “Ideal orgs”, and refusal to attend to any masquerade named “Ideal org events”.

I was so disgusted that I couldn’t even attend any large event, but I was unable to put a name on my feelings. It was passive resistance!!! But I was still feeling so bad with my withholdy thoughts…

Yet I have continued to work for the Translation Unit Europe (particularly 1/4 of the SHSBC with many commendations for quality and efficiency; 11 levels earned that way) and I have used part of my awards studying the Basics. In 2000 I went to St-Hill to get a Repair on having been unfairly thrown out as as  public in1998 (because I was crying in the Host’s office – Oops!!! Well…), and also in 2009 to complete the FPRD started more than 10 years before. I stopped helping in T.U. when the preparations for Golden Age of Tech 2 began: I didn’t want to be involved in this.

At that time (early 2012), having heard of the public departure of a French artist (OT VIII and quite trained), I wondered why; I also heard about the Debbie Cook letter, which I asked to receive. Wow!! I found out that all my “strange feelings” about the few things I had been noticing were being shared by many other Scientologists. It was not me being critical or having perverted ideas, it was true suppression dressed up as religious involvement. Digesting this I didn’t go further in collecting information. Little by little in 2012 I dared to mention it all to a friend; he announced that he was part of an independent group and he was SO happy about it!!! He had also seen evidence that even LRH writings were altered (confirmed by my personal inquiry), which was the “last straw” for my trust in the official church.

Recently, being quite shocked by:

_ the disconnection done by my ex-2D (CC Paris public) from our son during this summer,

_ and the disconnection done by our daughter from me and maybe (?) from her brother (barely involved in Scientology) a few weeks ago, and feeling treated like an SP though I have done nothing “wrong”, I felt free to search the internet over the last few days. It all started with Google: “changed policies LRH” and going from site to site I discovered a completely new world!!

Hundred of valuable scientologists (OTs, highly trained auditors, C/S, LRH buddies) have definitely said NO to the new suppression (official Church is going mad : 18 old scientologists declared as SP recently in South-Africa and amongst them many OT VIII and/or highly trained persons and/or IAS and Ideal orgs donators…, just because they had questioned the management; SP declares without respect of LRH procedures)!!!

Their stories made me aware of the quantity of evil within the official church, of the quantity of crimes…, and also aware of the charge I had about it all – not recognising the suppression, being in doubt about the management for years (the machinery of indoctrination is well and viciously set), suppressing myself because I am not a “money maker and able” in order to support my group… and moreover I am aware of having accepted for myself, displayed and transmitted some “in vogue” behaviors that I now consider to be arrogant, intolerant and suppressive as devoid of true ARC.

At first I had no intention to get informed or to denounce what I was considering “wrong” with the Church. I was only ashamed and sad that my daughter could disconnect like this, and that LRH representatives –the Church- could approve and encourage such a behavior: I wasn’t daring to speak about the situation, also out of respect for the image of the Church. Then anger came, and determination to know about the whole lot. The extent of the “revelation” is such that my first reaction was the need to read something from LRH (like to be sure his words were not a dream of mine), and the second reaction is that I cannot keep quiet about the lies, the treachery and the damages.

LRH wanted us to be able to look: I do!

I realise now that freedom is outside that group called Church of Scientology, which has perverted the legacy of LRH and is creating no OT but MEST contributors. The so-called squirrels or SPs ? Some are the best LRH trained C/S or auditors. The alteration of LRH work ? It lies within the official Church. I am SO relieved feeling free now to publicly say:

I AM NOT PART OF THE MASQUERADE and I disavow and repudiate the group of D. Miscavige, BUT NOT all the dedicated staff members who are trying to serve the best they can the goal they embraced as they decided to join. To them I say “Thank you for the service I benefited in the past – Courage! Don’t forget the work was free”.

Although as of today I have not taken any contact with independent groups in order to continue my way in Scientology (oddly enough, my hope of moving forward came back), I support the group of persons trusting LRH and his work (whatever their name is in different parts of the world), who stand up to continue pure tech, good services, spirituality, tolerance, humanity toward their fellow man, and continue the goal set by LRH.

It’s true joy to recover my plain integrity and (after years of “loneliness”) to feel part of a group again (which is quite subjective as I don’t communicate yet with anybody related to that matter!!☺laughing out loud).

I have no charge, no bitterness, no anger… but a renewed confidence in the game of life… WITH alertness.☺

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73 thoughts on “Another OT walks out the door

  1. Hi Florence, What a fantastic win! I was touched by your story – so much of it resonates for me. You have courage my friend and I truely hope that your adventure in going up the bridge from here on out will be what LRH envisages, “May you never be the same again!”.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts and wish you true happiness and adventure. From now on, may the sun shine down on you and bless the path you have chosen to walk. You are amongst friends now. We will look out for you!

  2. Beautiful story Florence.
    It can be quite a shock to confront the level of evil that has been allowed to grow within the “church”. You are lucky that you have the confront and the courage to keep looking and now you have found the real truth. There are many people of good will who have been wrongly attacked by dm and his minion.
    Keep looking at all the stories on the internet until you feel you fully duplicate what has been going on and then find others that have a similar reality to yours and all will be well.
    Since I resigned about 4 years ago my life just keeps getting better and better. I don’t need anyone’s “license to survive”. I live, perceive and act all according to how I see things not how others may want me to see and act to things.
    Peace to you. Welcome.
    p.s. This is a new group of people who have very high integrity and you are a part of it .

    • Thank you Tony. I do continue reading all the stories on internet and getting informed of what the church really is. My beingness and my perceptions increase. I do acknowledge again to all my abilities and I don’t feel like “separated” from the world as I used to.
      Yes, this is a great group of people !!! Hourrah !!!

    • Tony Hello…. Because our communication I been thinking-assessing what is the power other have over the SELF..
      As I can recall LRH said it someplace and I have come to the conclusion in sessions-cognitions myself is that we do assign designate power to others and that power is when we think because we believe that other are these or that: whatever we believe.
      In reality the only power other have over us what we give them and that power can be measured by how we are EFFECTED— STIMULATED by others: their presence in our universe.
      Those stimulation can be called ARCB’x and each and every one of those considerations we have about other are just an ITEM which can be handled easily in session by running the Rudiments. Of course one need to go earlier similar and use the questions which would bring up the O/W’s also.
      I copy here a post from my blog and that is about ARCB’x and I have realised some 30 years back that to me my BANK AND ALL OF IT TO THE LAST THOUGHT ONLY EXISTED BECAUSE I HAD A ARCB WITH THAT REALITY… I did not understand it I did not have reality on the subject, did not know why it happened, I could not communicate with somebody or something.. and because of those reason I definitely had no love toward those things happening in my universe.
      From that moment on Universe changed around me… I realised from that moment on I can handle anything which comes my way by simply running the Rudiments.
      ARCB’x running them and what can be achieved and their VALUE , it’s Value.
      The simplicity of the Rudiments, why they work and daily use is so powerful and gives incredible case gains.
      Understanding what is their value when run daily= continually: one clears up ones daily ARCB’X with self and others, when that is done, handled than there is nothing re-stimulating and one just feels wonderful about one’s universe.
      These new viewpoint-reality has come to me when I was well into solo auditing in early 1983. Not that I have not used the Rudiments the beginning of the sessions, but what I have become aware of I had continual cognitions every time I run them. The cognitions were so fantastic; they have Erased so much mass I could not go any further with that sessions since I had F/N, or F/T and Cogs VGI, and cogs were so profound life changing with that I see everything around me differently.

      It was then I had the life changing Cognition, which made the Universe around me and how I understood it, what the Universe really was about and that cog. has brought back the simplicity into my life and I no longer worried about the sessions that I will mess up or over run. This new reality solved the mystery for me.

      COG: There was nothing more to my universe, how I felt, what was wrong, had too much of something or too little, the upsets, the angers toward self or others, the disappointments which were caused by losses, the dislikes: some things I was not willing to have in my universe, the frustrations because not attaining the goals… not having the postulates come in, the feeling of being defeated, the fears I have had which continually hunted me; in other words every aspect of my life [ and plus the communication was a big issue] all these things happened or not, simply because I had no idea, no understanding why those things what I continually experienced were happening to me.
      THIS COGNITION brought the understanding that I was in that mass because I had nothing more than ARCB’s with self, with others in general with the Universe itself and these ARCB’x I have been piling up [they could not be as-ised because I did not know how!!!] for eons and everything existed in my universe because of me “not understanding, not knowing, and not having reality on what was happening in my life; universe.
      From this day on I concentrated on running the Rudiments because there is nothing more than ARC’x one kind or another one experiences at any given moment, so In sessions I have used the Rudiments with the S/buttons, run the O/W’s, I run everything on 4flows I looked for Free Spirits [entities BT’s without the body,] and when it was needed I run the Rudiments on them too.
      My case from than an was running smooth there were no problems, no over runs and each session ended with cognition, VGI’s F/N..
      After a while I had to live off the “suppressive” auditing question and use the ” deeply supressed, totally suppressed, completely suppressed, because I have erased-blown immense amount from the top charge and I had to dig deeper but I continually used these auditing questions with the rest: break in affinity, reality, communication etc.. and always earlier similar. This Worked for me wonderfully.
      When those questions no longer worked I went and look for hidden items, invisible, forgotten, given up, not remembered and thousands of different combinations of considerations and agreement on them in order to locate those stimulating thoughts [PTS-ness]: which were there of course as ARCB’s.
      BUT NO MATTER HOW DEEP I HAD TO DIG IN MY UNIVERSE THOSE ARCB’x existed because I had NO REALITY why and how the experiences come about in the first place! OH baby… we have a long track:) and it is full of shit, no wonder we don’t want to remember it all! 🙂
      Till these days after all the years I solo audit and works works the same way, I get to know why things become as they are and what was their original state: what was the original postulate.
      For me was the greatest fun and still is digging for O/W’s asking those questions [ I run out of the Overts after so many sessions] but not out of Witholds.
      I have realised how valuable is finding the WITHOLDS were because asking the question ‘HAS THE WITHOLD BEEN MISSED?” the truth come out how I really-secretly think of others, self and the Universe in general.
      When this question asked I found out my hidden side the real me and by continually digging for WITHOLDS I gotten to know not only how I thought and what my believes were but why these beliefs originated and what is my reality-beliefs are of others too as the hidden thought have surfaced and I gotten to know every ability I ever had and what I ever done and I understood the reasons for all my actions for all my creations: and that understanding has come in the form hundreds of cognition.
      There is power in understanding the ‘’’ self’’’, and that is the only power one has, having money-possessions do not contain power because they are just solid objects, the real power one have when one is a knowing Entity operating in the Spiritual Universe.
      It was and is a thrill to know the abilities I rediscovered and how I have created everything in this universe and that is my track and this track also contains my interaction with others.
      Knowing; confronting the O/W’s about self gives the person the great case gain, with that recovered one has the understanding of self and that understanding completes self and with that the power=abilities are regained.
      By human considerations my O/W’s their impact in the universe not only on others around me but on my-self were huge, mind boggling, yet knowing them has given more understanding of SELF:the real me, since there is not much to the SELF when one only look for the “GOOD SIDE” like flapping about having wings and playing the saintly game: being always good, that is easy, looking only at the good side there is nothing one ever finds: any simulation and able to confront the deep heavy aberration which is so well hidden.[ being good, playing being good is a valance, so is being bad.
      Being something or somebody is a valance– a role one plays.
      One’s power is hidden and forgotten, buried deep with one’s Overt and Withholds, those O/W’s are the nails an ones coffin and we have many reasons for having them and those are reasons usually other O/W’s … hehehe… we love complications-problems.
      Confronting ones O/W’s one can find incidents what one really can do, how one play’s the games, and how we think in our own privacy about other persons..
      By confronting our WITHOLDSs we discover our private universe which is unknown to others, and we finally understand the self!
      Rudiments, running the Rudiments; asking those questions is the MAGICAL WAND we all have been looking for and it is the key because they point to confrontation and by confronting the unwanted with that we erase those ARCB’x and the eraser of unwanted is replaced by different- more positive thinking and this opens the door to different universe which we have forgotten and we also regain the knowledge we have had but was walled off by the negative beliefs..
      Some of the readers have written that they do not have ARCB’x… Now I think that reality-viewpoint is totally wrong because: here are some examples what ARCB’s are and by reading them you can get good reality what ARCb’s really are and how many one has-created.:
      Cant levitate: you have no understanding why?
      Can’t sleep? Don’t have enough money? You have body pains? There are some food you don’t like and from other variety you eat too much of? Can’t read-understand what others think? You don’t like your looks; you don’t like how others look? Can’t see through the wall? Feel tired, heavy, bloated? The body is aging? You have immense fears which mostly hidden from others, you fear to lose what valuable you think your belonging and you won’t be able to replace it? Don’t know what happen after you drop the body? Your eye sight is getting worst? Can’t hear well? Can’t see inside the EARTH? Can go inside a volcano? Get move out of the body? Your neck is stiff and other body part is no longer stiff? Having communication problems? Drink too much? Taking medication to solve a problem? Can’t fly? How come you do not understand Hungarian when you hear it? Why sex feels good and humans believe it is the best ”feeling” one can have? Don’t remember things? Your thought is racing? Joint pains? Don’t understand what makes the tornado; what creates the wind, why there are heavy rains, why everything have to die on this Planet? Who created this Planet and why was it created? Who has to be here? Why we have bodies?
      Get the drift? and these are just a few from the hundreds of thousands one has and they All have answers and when these items run as ARCB’x and one goes earlier similar than one will find them and all the answers come to one in the form of COGNITIONS and with those cogs under one belt one knows how the Universe was created!!!
      Elizabeth… 
      PS; my post are translated into different languages and also read in every country where scientologist live

  3. We we
    All the best
    IT is a beautifull thing to see that ones observations of outnesses are infact solid. And you are correct in your findings , with many other like minded people.

    I am very sorry you have lost your daughter right now.
    Stay strong cheers

    • Thanks Neptune. I don’t like water very much, but I like your wishes… hihihi…
      Yes, it’s a great step when one discovers one’s own observations don’t stem out of craziness… it was my first step onto the road of new freedom.
      Have a nice week-end.

      • Hay I live in the sea as much as I can, I saw a sun dog today , it looks like a rain bow around the sun, it is explained as light reflection off ice, to me it looks like it could be a mirror of nuburu so learn to swim may be a good idea, take care thanks for the com. Love Raoul Alexander Petit

      • Hey Neptune I am looking for a new pet and that sundog sound like the very thing is needed in my Universe! 🙂 [think spiritually, where the unreal is truly the real thing!]

      • Hi Elizabeth
        love your past recall cat attack,
        I was thinking sundog and mooncat, you can use these things to create wonder , to inspire victory in war, and make a King very uncomfortable,

        Cheers!!

  4. Congratulations Florence.
    Very well written.
    It is hard to argue with precise facts and time lines.
    It is true that when you refuse to give $$ to an IAS Reg
    or to an Ideal org Money extorter, the social veneer and facade
    fall off and vicious attack, if not a wild animal attack can occur !
    Lord have mercy on us all 🙂

    • Thanks Karen!!! Yes, so true: it’s when you start not to be able or willing to cough up the money, that you discover another face in the “brilliant” story. Quite far from the humanity expected in a church…
      I am so happy now to be aware of the Independents’ existence!!!!!

      • Karen…. here is my first account with a wild animal :
        Sabre Tooth Tiger, my best friend..recall from the past.
        I have nothing more but affinity for all critters great and small.

        Since most of my lives I have lived not as human but lived close to those who are spirit or was one as of those wonderful beings for whom I have great love, those beings who do not have the need to become, the need for human body.

        One of my recalls brought back a wonderful experience in which I have met a being who has become my very first friend, a Sabre Tooth Tiger.

        At that time I was just wandering about the Universe I was just wandering, there was no hurry to get too or from anywhere, go to anyplace do anything, there were no special reasons to become anybody or to have a body.

        This Universe I was in is the Universe which is forgotten by the humans and only exists in Fairy Tales and in children’s imagination, and in those persons universe who have retained their innocence.

        Since this Universe is the universe which was created by the magical ability of Theta.

        Naturally that time my body was not solid had any shape or form in other words I would have been invisible to the human eyes.

        Most occasions I did not bother to mock one up since there were no reasons why I should have to mock one up to because I had everything without.

        An occasion when I had a body mocked-up it was just a very flimsy thing, no substance to it at all, but even having that has given a bit of problem, since one had to keep constant attention on it otherwise it would just simply dissolve.

        In my wanderings across the Universe at one occasion my attention was pulled into a distant picture far away… a picture of a mountains and valley, I descended from the distance to have a closer experience.

        The terrain was beautifully wild; ragged mountainside, sheer cliffs hang suspended from nowhere, the grey ancient boulder stacked up high in random. Low growing shrubbery among the boulders and tuft of tall dried grasses were blowing in the breeze.

        On the boulders one could see the old mosses dried by the heat of the sun and places where crumbling splitting rocks and small gravels rolled as the river in narrow deep channels down toward the valley from the steep sloops.

        Among the boulders here and there were small clumps of evergreens these were so old and weather worn that the bark from the trees were long gone, now the wood shone in the light: silvery pale grey.

        Up in the highest level there was dark space among the boulders I could see the well hidden entrance to the cave.

        The valley was of course bellow of these almost barren mountainside: here the lush grasses grown tall and the trees offered cool shade and the colors of the succulent grasses were deep emerald green.

        The only splashing ringing sounds could be heard was coming from the creek, the silvery sounds were created as the water flowed –rolled and tumbled over the rough stones: the water was the thong and the bells were the stones.

        I was not doing anything special outside viewing this lovely terrain from above, I was just experiencing the whole valley, the glittering creek, its ringing sounds and the sunny mountain side and that view and for me that picture has become a momentarily anchor point in space.

        I was just there no idea of passing of time, since there was none: no other movements to which I could have compared something to something.

        Than the energy flow changed I to become alert and curious experiencing that sudden change.

        Aha, I noticed the source my attention was pulled toward to the highest point just outside front of the cave entrance. I have observed a critter standing high on boulder looking around.

        It was a very big pussy cat, he oozed power he was the source the energy this was his territory! What a wondrous sight he was, beautiful in every way, the creation of raw power.

        My, I thought, observing this lovely cat and I have salivated invisibly of course, thinking of the possibility of the game to be had.

        Like flash I zipped down to the valley and I mocked up the body in great hurry and started to walk about. Oh, he noticed right off, naturally, he had too since I have intended that he would.

        Like a shadow of a dark cloud he oozed, poured over boulders and crevices down into the valley and the game began.

        He started to stalk me hiding behind boulders flattening his body to the ground, sliding in silence through the tall grasses and I played the game well that did not see him.

        So I become hunted, I leaped out of his reach we run, we jumped, flown over the huge boulders, hid behind tree trunks, or I in silence in sneaky devious way have dissolved my body become invisible in order to cause a bit of confusion for him.

        While he was franticly looking for his next meal, I would re-appear at a different locations, we run all over the place, up on one side of the mountain than down again as we continued our frolic.

        Finally I let him come close and as he taken a wild leap toward my body claws out to slash, mouth wide open, of course he has fallen right through me landed with great crash and from the violent landing he tumbled, rolled over and over.

        He was up in an instant and turned and readied him-self for another attack you should have seen his face his eyes full of wonder because he missed his pray, he was coming at me again slashing at my body with his long sharp claws as I stood there unharmed not moving, than he has realized nothing was happening, he made few more wild slashes at the air the mock-up where I was, I knew than he was seeing it for himself that there was no solid body but only a vision: a being without a body: than he just set down and looked at me, wonder and understanding in his beautiful golden eyes.

        I stepped to him and I touched his beautiful head let our energies to intermingle and he in recognition-acceptance purred and rubbed his head against my translucent body.

        From then on we two have become inseparable; we walked side by side our communication was expressed as pure joy, affinity in whole.

        When he slept I would mock -up my body and lay by his side resting my head on his powerful shoulder.

        He experienced great joy and has become fun for him to walk or jump through my mocked up body. Once in a while as he would wildly chasing after me I would let the body become more solid so he could catch me and experience the joy of solidity, having-ness, how he love that.!!!

        We rolled about wrestled and we bitten, clawed at the nothing. The valley rang from our soundless roars, shouts and laughter. We had great fun, we were the fun the ability, the joy how to play.

        At times when the light were gone and the billions of distant stars hang suspended around us, those occasions would find us sitting side by side by the creek watching as the starlight was sprinkled over the dancing water and sharing space with each other and the Universe.

        I have remained in that place long as he was with his body. We were together when he finally made the decision to leave.

        Odd thing happened when he did that which was so unexpected to me, taken me by surprise, soon as he left his body the mountain and the valley too has disappeared.

        All that wild, beautiful terrain was just mock-up same as his body which he has created for just for the fun of it!!

        And there we were, two free beings looking forward a new game, knowing whatever we do next was ours, our own reality our having-ness and for only the love of the Game!!!

        PS: He was here with me my Indigo this life and had a cat body; we have found each other again.

        But now I still have the body and it is he, Indigo who is waiting for me for the moment when I sever my connection to this MEST Universe from this valley and then we will continue our uncharted journey to rediscover the magical Universe our own creation
        Happy New year to you! Elizabeth

    • Karen ”’wild animal attack ”’ Never is so vicious as a human behavior.. wild animals are not destructive as humans are, wild animals do not have the human aberration because they still partially belong the Spiritual Universe.
      Those Entities who wear the valances of animal are paying a game too but they have not fallen into pit, embraced by the BLACK TIDE as I call the aberration same as those Entities who are in Human valances.

      • Yes Elizabeth, I am passionate about wild life and agree with you. (I am a Board member on 2 wild life rescue organizations.) You post resonates with me. *****huggggggggs*****

      • Karen#1 question for you… since you have passion for those who do not speak human languages yet they are wonderful communicators ” telepathy” did you ever have given these wondrous entities sessions in order to find out why these entities have taken animal bodies as a anchor and the valance of animals? I have given sessions to many of them and find that their reasons were unique and their cognitions end of the sessions were enlightening.

      • Karen. I have not realised that the communication courses material was also altered, and the “‘acknowledgement” part of the communication was taken out… Now that is really bad of DM… But the independent groups who offer courses do offer the Comm. Course and I highly recommend that you take that course again… you will have wins I am sure… about the hug… I don’t know who you are.. so… no hugs…

  5. Just wonderful Florence. May your daughter follow you soon.. It won’t hurt for long. You staying strong to your own truths will be the best for her in the long run. She will be writing her own letter before you know it 🙂

    • Thanks Cece for your encouragements. I firmly intend to stay strong to my own truths and I share your view.
      All the best to you.

    • Thanks Formost !!!
      I like the Indie Zone. When I was asked (harrassed) in St-Hill to join the SO, my answer was “I am too much a rebel to conform to your SO things”…
      I realise only now how lucky I am to have listened to my heart and not to my “reason”…
      Happy future to you !!!!

  6. Hi Florence
    Soooo Proud of you and thank you for sharing your story
    and I totally duplicate your loss of your daughter’s disconnection from
    you. There are no words to describe this sudden brutal blow.

    It does take courage and integrity to announce on the blog and it
    gives others encouragement.
    You are really part of a group of friends who have the same integrity
    who have the balls to stand up to this horrendous suppression.

    The Chain reaction has started!

  7. Florence, many have had to let go of a loved one for the sake of our own sanity. But you have shown her the door out. Who would stay silent while a loved one is abused by this organization? That is not love. It takes time, they need to hear it a number of times, to start to realize they deserve better.

    • Dear Madora (what a lovely name!!!), my daughter doesn’t know how it was before (as many young people joining the staff). So I don’t know who will at first wake up in her environment: herself being on staff? one of her five “parents in law” (?) being on OT VII? or will the cause be a big scandal??? Suspense… hihihi…
      Have a bright year !!!

  8. Well done Florence for being so code of honor and a resounding welcome to the independent field. How well I know your sense of dismay and disbelief and disappointment at the erosion of all that LRH wanted for us. You have become a member of that field of scientologists who honour and treasure you as a dear friend. Like you my daughter was blackmailed into disconnection which at the moment broke my heart but not my integrity. much love to you.

    • Many thanks, Michael. Your words are warming. I have the feeling to come out of an iceberg and be so comforted by the sunshine…!!!
      All the best to you.

    • Thank you, One of those who see on. I could be named “the flower who endured cold and rain, but flourishes again in the sun”. Call me Flo, it’s easier !! hihihi…
      Have a nice week-end.

    • Thank you so much David for your support. I do hope my letter will invite others to break the silence and chose their new freedom. Much love.

  9. Thank you for sharing your story Florence, it is great knowing that this blog is helping people in so many ways all over the world. Enjoy your freedom and I hope your daughter will follow soon.

    Scnafrica, well done to you once again for creating this safe place for us to share and learn.

    • Thank you Mocking Jay, and yes, many thanks to this site and its participants who let me go up from “apathy” to “anger”… Grrrrrr!!!!!
      Luckily I could go up further and I am continuing thanks to you all. I wish you all the best.

  10. I had no access to internet yesterday, and today sounds like Christmas!!! with all your warm and supporting feelings and encouragements. Thanks to you all !!
    You did already help me so much, in my process wich ends up as far with the blow a negative and accusative valence which was of a great trouble for me.
    I have no worries about my daughter; she will do her way.
    You have to know that things are not so bad in CC Paris or Brussels Org than in Flag. Of course there is the pressure from the SO staff, pressure for stats… but I think the humanity is still really more present.
    What had shocked me the most in St-Hill, is the sorrow I was feeling or seing in some staffs. When I was coming in the offices, they seemed to warm up to life, then welcome me and do their business (regging or whathever cycle), and once finished I could observe by turning around like a “dead” look in their eyes, a vague suffering… except for the auditors.

    As main of you are in South Africa, I have a specific question:
    my auditor on Preps in St-Hill was Mylène (before 1990). I quite remember she was coming from SA. She had two sons in Cadet’s org. On one year she was elected “best auditor of the year” (Class V, I guess). And suddenly she disappeared. I asked for her and the answer was: she couldn’t be auditing anymore as she had question a study order and quite refused to admit her errors.
    Do you know where she is? and if you know her please send her my best love. I never forgot her, she was a great auditor.

    AGAIN THANKS TO ALL OF YOU
    and I hope reading more wins and waking up stories.
    I am proud to be part of your group.

  11. Thank you Florence, you took position with your integrity, I fullly understand as Iived through as similar experience, knowing for years there was many outpoints in the church without to be able to do something about it. I am also from Europe and I like very much the south african blog.

    • Hello FG! Yes this blog is fantastic. I don’t know if such a friendly place exists in Europe. I was not addict to internet, but for some weeks I am used to read so much english on the web that I even dream in English!!! hihihi… (lol).
      All the best to you.

    • FG, I know this site. I visited it in october and so I discovered this south-african blog.
      This french site is quite “dormant”: a post is left once every two weeks more or less, and the comments are no more possible, as it was all too much going round and round in circles (?). No real share and human contact as you can find on this marvellous blog.
      Have a nice sunday !!

      • Yes… I know. But there is an independant field in France.
        I read the story of Mylene, it really is heart breaking. Her kids not ever communicating to her because she left the Sea Org after all the good work she did. Such a waste of good auditors, a slaughter of Scientologists. And the inhuman rule of disconnection which at the end will destroy the church.
        The CICF (“counter intentioned cock sucker” from his own lexicon) DM is working hard to make Scientology dissappear. There will be more and more communication on the subject of disconnection, the PR of human right of the church will be ruined forever.
        Have a nice sunday too!

  12. Congratulations Florence! It takes courage to do what you and so many others have done. I am hoping that you have a blessed New Year and that one day soon your daughter will have the same realization that you have and leave the cult.

  13. Hello Florence.. it is thrilling to read how you have taken back the power.. and I am happy to gain a friend back…. you have my e-mail… send me your phone # and I will call you.. Love Elizabeth.

    • Dear Elizabeth, I could find your blog and have read a large part of it already, but I couldn’t find your e-mail, nor in the recent comments you did here!… Yet I have my glasses on… lol…

      • endlesstringofpearls@gmail.com …write my dear… than we can talk also… love ya! there are over 200 basic-basic cognitions written up in the blog… that would take days to read… I had been told by those who read them all that while they were reading they have had lots of cognitions.. I hope you will have the same experience.

  14. A BIG welcome to you Flo, and wonderful to read your story. Just a quick question for you, though, Flo…..Have you checked your anatomy, I mean carefully? I mean you seem to have a HUGE pair of B—S, in a place you’re supposed to have something else? 🙂

    Of course Flo, in my book, you having a double-edged sword ( ) makes you a pretty formidable opponent, and a threat at the same time. The shadowy creatures that cower in the Crypt, under the Mind Control of The Prince Of Darkness, are all held in mental captivity by illusion, and nothing BUT, illusion, It is all total lies and B/S, orchestrated and perpetuated by “The Prince” himself. The ‘shadowy creatures’ (aka the living dead)are nothing less than the hypnotized versions, of ‘you’, and ‘me’ and just need to be awakened, in order to begin claiming their lives back, just as you did!

    I’m also totally confident, that for your daughter, that time is not far off now.

    Till then, stay focused, keep it light, and stay in comm. “All things shall pass..”

    ML, Calvin, Durban, South Africa.

    • Bonjour Calvin !! Thanks for you welcome.
      I am sure of my anatomy: as I am quite slim, I can easily check what is under my belt !!! hihihi… (=lol).
      I am perfectly aware of what you are talking (opponent and thread and illusion – great deal !!!). I do my best to keep the game light and I apply “grandeur” as much as I can.
      My “american” boss in my story (Jim Faust – wonderful guy) has really impiged me the day he quoted LRH: “There is so much good in the worst of us, and there is so much bad in the best of us, that it ill behooves to any of us to talk about the rest of us”.
      I wish you a beautiful sunday !!!
      Much love.

  15. Hello Florence,

    First of all, I would like to extend a warm welcome to independence! Thank you so much for withdrawing your support from that group which has caused so much harm to Scientologists, the tech, the repute of our religion, and the name and legacy of LRH.

    If you haven’t already, I’m sure you’re quickly discovering that the majority of Scientologists are now out here in the free world, and are no longer subjecting themselves to the domination and control of the usurpers and lunatics who’ve hijacked the church. We wait patiently for those still inside to come to their senses and join us. Like you, one by one, they are.

    Some points you made in your post really matched my personal experience inside the church:

    For years (since 1992) I’ve had the feeling that “something is going wrong”, but this “something” has become more and more odd and perverse.

    And…

    I was so disgusted that I couldn’t even attend any large event, but I was unable to put a name on my feelings. It was passive resistance!!! But I was still feeling so bad with my withholdy thoughts…

    That exactly describes my experience within the organization since at least the early 90s. Like yourself and many others, my experience was one of gradually diminishing ARC with the organization, due to the ever increasing outpoints I saw around me. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a long series of ‘things that shouldn’t be’, that eventually piled up into a huge wall of blackness.

    In time, I had to admit to myself that I was disaffected, but why? I couldn’t point to a single major outpoint and name that as the sole cause for my feelings. Because of my forty year long conditioning as a member, it was all too easy to justify, or explain away any one of those outpoints to myself. No, it must be my fault, I thought. It’s me. I’m just too screwed up to ‘get it’. It can’t be the orgs. I’m the failure here. Shame on me for not moving up the Bridge and being a sterling example of a good Scientologist.

    Yet at the same time, every time I followed the program and did as I was told, I wound up on the other end with disappointment and losses. The final blow to what little certainty I had left, came when I was told at ASHO that I wasn’t Clear. Although I steadfastly refused that invalidative evaluation, I never really recovered from it. It was the final straw, and it broke me as a person.

    I hobbled along for the next seven years in a reduced state until an angel emailed me Debbie Cook’s letter. I read it, and instantly recognized the truth in it. It gave me the courage to remove my self imposed blinders, and go onto the internet to LOOK. When I did, I found what you and so many others have. All of the missing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fell into place. At last there was as-isness about all of the things that had made no sense to me before. It’s too bad I didn’t have an examiner around to document all the charge I blew in those first two days of opening my eyes. It was massive.

    Since that time I’ve recovered a lot of case gain, as well as my certainty about the true tech. I’ve made more friends than I ever had while I was inside the cult, and my fortunes in life have completely turned around. Our family business has expanded 80% over last year, which I totally attribute to having removed myself (and my family) from our toxic association with the cult.

    Thank you again for rejoining the true group, and I wish you well.

    • Dear Ronnie, thanks a lot for your welcome and your story. In reading it I had the feeling you were talking about me.
      I have not experimented invalidation or evaluation of my case. But the day I was thrown out of St-Hill because I was crying (on Chaplain lines for daaaays, only helping him on his cycles and never be taken in interview), I collapsed.
      But I recognised little by little that even if Scn was refused to me, LIFE was there and had always been, ready for me…
      Finally everything was sorted out thanks to “on-line” friends and the deputy Captain (not sure of his post) – he always remembered me well, as when he had been removed from his post around 1990 and sent to the RPF, I was still saying hello and talking to him (to his big surprise that I could’nt understand). After my repair session, I was telling my story to the Snr C/S who wanted to recruit me; a staff in the office was listening to it and went to find the Captain (at first, when thrown out, I had filled it a “Service Alert” but nobody had replied). The Captain himself came in, listened to my story…. and in his personal name and in name of Scientology, he apologised for the damage!!!!! When I heard that, I remembered having said “I will only come back on the day the Captain apologises”…. And it became true!!! although I had come over the whole story !!!! Magic !!!!
      LIFE IS MAGIC !!!
      Do enjoy it a lot with your new wins, Ronnie.
      Have a nice day!!

      • More reality shared. Merci beaucoup, mon cherie! At the end of the day, i believe that Real Friends, are the ones that accept you, for who you are, and support, and communicate ARC with you, regardless.

        Oh, and Flo, did you know, that a ‘stranger’, is just a friend you haven’t met yet? 🙂

        ML, Calvin.

  16. Jeez! So much action on this blog. Francois, I hope you are reading this as well. Excellent write-up “my seun”. Do well and no doubt I will see you in between.

    Flo, wow. So well done too. I assume you “got” your into the game? Well she will follow you out. It’s a comm lag.

    It’s interesting, that gradual moving away and withdrawing participation. It’s not even a thought process, just a knowingness. That’s how it starts. Eventually we look some more.

    Well done Francois and Kelly. Brave and courageous. Flo, same.

  17. Congratulations, Florence!! It’s ALL up-hill from here 🙂 Please continue to share your story.
    Each time you do….you’ll be helping more people than you can imagine. It also helps you strip off some of the built-in “junk” $cientology put there. Lots of love to you!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL 🙂 Tory/Magoo

    • Thanks Tory.
      Yes, communication helps as-ising a lot of things. In reading this blog since mid-october, sometimes I was bursting into tears as I couldn’t even say why. Just charge going off… Magic.
      Happy new year to you !!!

  18. Salutations, Florence. You did the right thing. Bravo pour ton courage et ton intégrité.

    Comments are back on in our French blog. Your input will be very valuable.

    Bonne année 2014 !

    • Hello Voltaire !! Merci !! Happy new year too !!!
      I still visit your site and I hope the comments won’t be so nasty as they used to be. I will join you.

    • Merci beaucoup, Word Clearer.
      I feel so good to have all my eggs in the same basket again!!! I never had realised before, the weight my disagreements had on my life and the kind of “screen” that I had put around myself…
      Truly upstat person… It’s a goal still to be achieved on some dynamics… Au travail…!!!

      • Very well described, the “screen put around yourself”. Funny, I had one too.

        I got what you mean on “upstatness”, but if you look at some stats on last weeks, like the NHCPRI, the Number of Honor Code Points Really In”, or the NTF, which is the “Number of True Friends”, or even the VTS, “Volume of Theta Space”, don’t you think their trends are really up ?

        :o)

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