What is wrong with the church


By Joleen le Roux 


“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”  John Wooden

This outline is just a glimpse of what actually occurred but is not the reason for this post.  It is here just to give some background into why my research was centred around ethics, justice and the church.


In 1994 I went to AOSH ANZO to do my OT levels. I had attested to clear the previous year and had bought my package up till OTV.  I was excited and couldn’t wait.  I was going to finally get that taste of spiritual freedom and eternity I was promised and I would be an OT with OT abilities.  Yeah!

Up until then I had gone up the bridge on the auditing side with very little training.  Other than the HQS, basic study manual and a few div 6 courses, I really did not train and the reg (Albert de Beer) never suggested it as a better and surer way to go.  Auditing up the bridge suited my schedule and my time management so all was good.

I did the Student hat and then went onto the solo courses. I had received my OT invitation and the day I started on OT1, a directive came down from up-lines to say that nobody was to do their OT levels unless all their grades had been completed. However, as I had already started OT1, I was allowed to continue.  After OTIII however, I was told that I needed to buy 6 more intensives as I would have to do the rest of my grades before going onto OTIV.  I bargained with the CS on the amount of intensives I needed and it was eventually agreed that I would buy 4 and would top up if need be.  I then completed grade II through IV OT style.  This was later declared an “Arbitrary” by DM and cancelled.

I got through it in the allotted time and went on to do OTIV and V.  I had been at AOSH ANZO for 6 months, in the chair or course room for all that time with only a couple of days off when I had a persistent FN toward the end of OTIII.

Coming home was not what I thought it would be.  Before I left, I had put in charge as my acting ED a Scientologist who was also my “best” friend, another Scientologist as my WISE consultant to keep ethics in and to ensure all admin was standardly done including stats and FP as well as another Scientologist as my Tech Dir (he was also on foundation staff).  All supposedly ethical and upstanding, trustworthy and reliable, or so I thought.

Well, my world was about to collapse and it did.  I was ruined financially, which keyed me in terribly and the next 3 years was a story of going through hell without a return ticket.

The most detrimental effect this had on me was that I went screaming down the tone scale.  Obviously I wrote all the KR’s (to get it out of my universe and put it onto the correct lines), called for WISE arbitrations (before mediation replaced it), and sort legal advice from my attorney to assist me with the legal ramifications although I never took action at that point as I intended to petition Int. Justice Chief if nothing panned out with the KR’s and arbitration.

And nothing happened!  So I petitioned Int Justice chief for permission to take the matter legal.  6 Months later, the LC informed me that my petition had not been approved and that the only recourse I had was to go through the churches Justice system once they had recruited an ethics officer, sent him to Flag for training and put him on post.  As this never happened, I never got any justice from the church on this cycle and all the Scientologists involved have not ethics or justice put in on them ever.

I went back to AOSH ANZO in 1996 for an OTV review, but at the end of it, I was told that my OT levels were fine and that I must get onto OTVI and VII as soon as possible.

The common R-factors I was given was that one exhibits the phenomena of the next level and that is what is happening with me, and that OTV is audited NOTS which opens up your NOTS case so that you can audit solo on OT VII and with my OTVII case now wide open, I am bound to run into stuff that will be handled on that level.

But I had lost everything, I was broke and I just could not seem to turn it around.  Having been successful all my life, this was a phenomena I had little reality on and couldn’t seem to shake it.

Needless to say, I was sec checked up the yin-yang.  I think I have had the JBH Sec check 4 times, not to mention the tailor-made’s that was “specifically” done for me.

At Flag I was tipped for FPRD and had to redo my basic form (for the third time) as well as my 2D list (as I was having 2D problems).  During the FPRD, I had head-aches, was very demotivated and generally struggled with it.  However, I got through it and attested and waited for something to blow so I could get on with my life.

No such luck.  It just got worse.  I was by now so sure that I had somehow committed huge overts, that I was to blame for my condition and that there was something I was doing/not doing that was causing this.  My introversion was complete.

Every time I asked for help, I would be told to come in for an interview with this terminal from Anzo or that terminal from Flag or St Hill.  All these interview ended the same.  We can give you a clean-up for free but you must get to Flag/St Hill/ANZO.  That’s air fare, accommodation as well as the cost of running your home back in SA for the duration.  And if I wanted to really get fixed up, it will be 2 to 4 intensives as well.  My tip from Flag was for R330,000 to get cleaned up.  From St Hill, R100 000 and from ANZO, only the free ARC break and rudiments clean-up was offered.

At this point I pretty much knew that unless I won the lotto, I was not going to get any help from the church.  On top of that, because I refused to contribute to Ideal Orgs, IAS (I am a founding patron), or to any other church activity, I was now pretty much ostracised.  So I decided that I would find out why the church operated in this manner and why no help was ever given (except by individual Field terminals such as Sandy Kroeger  in her own time at her own determination ) without having to pay and why when you had no money, you were persona-non-grata.


I went onto the Internet!  Guilt, shame, hiding… well that’s just a few of the sensations I felt.  I was betraying my group!  But I got over it the more I read and the more I saw.

The first thing that struck me was that LRH had not been seen since around 1979 but worse was that from 1972 to 1979, very few people actually did interact with him and he never made any public appearances.  http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showthread.php?t=149402

We had to take other peoples word for all communication coming out that was attributed to LRH.

Then there is the mysterious death of LRH.  The Phsyc drugs found in his blood, the fact that his physician was gambling with Pat and Anne Broker along with DM in Vegas at the time. http://home.earthlink.net/~snefru/deathoflrh/  http://home.earthlink.net/~snefru/deathoflrh/FACTnet-death.html  That the doctor who did attend to LRH and signed the Death Certificate then went missing for a year and that LRH was cremated the very next day because of a typed out statement supposedly from LRH stating that he did not want an autopsy to be performed on his body due to religious beliefs not to mention his will being changed and signed the day before he died.  http://www.lermanet.com/scientology/l-ron-hubbard-coroners-report-complete.pdf

This made no sense to me.  LRH spoke often of being stalked, hunted and felt threatened by various organizations from the CIA to the APA and Interpol.  He spoke about people trying to kill him.  As well as the fact that I have never seen any Scientology reference to not having an autopsy done due to religious beliefs.  With all that, surely LRH would have insisted that unless le left his body willingly, with a full hat write up and handover, as well as clear cut instructions, he would want an autopsy. There was no hat write up, no clear instructions, not goodbye message.  Just the PR Gobbledygook we got from Pat Broker.

For me at least, I am quite happy to believe that LRH’s death was brought about by a conspiracy and that Miscavige, the Brokers, Starkey and Dr. Gene Denk were all involved.  This is my opinion.

Once satisfied that LRH lost control of the Church in the 70’s my research lead me to this information that shows a connection to the CIA of DM and Jenske. http://www.davidmiscavige.wikiscientology.org/text/New_Evidence_-_US-Government_tries_to_control_Scientology_-_David_Miscavige_is_an_exposed_CIA-Source

The conclusion I came too was exactly what LRH had advocated about being the victim of the CIA and other intelligent forces.

Well now at least I had enough evidence to know why the tech didn’t always give the results one was lead to believe or was expecting and why one got keyed in again.  With suppression of this magnitude on the lines, the alteration of the tech, even by a small margin would alter the outcome.

So, when did it start to go wrong for me.

I looked at when I last was doing well.  It was up until I went to ANZO to do my OT levels.  Things might have been weird before then, but I was sufficiently keyed out to not be adversely affect by it.  I then came across a very interesting dissection of “Clear” and the penny dropped.  You can find this information here. http://www.wiseoldgoat.com/papers-scientology/hubbard_story_of_mayo3a_clear.html#index

From this I have ascertained, again for myself, that the runway, the methodology, as well as the outcome of the state of clear is so confused, that there is no way to really know if you are clear or not.  Armed with this r-factor, I realised that I possibly never went clear.  That it was OK to let me attest because I could then pay for all the other services which I had. All in all, I have contributed for services alone over R750 000 and what have I gained?  A state less than I had before I came into the church.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have had plenty of wins and in the earlier stages, I even think I had case gain, but it was all reversed to a worse condition after doing my OT levels.

Now I don’t know about you but if something is sold to you that does “A” and you don’t get the “A”, then you have recourse to getting your money back right.  Even if its years later.  After all, the whole thing since LRH went off the lines, has become a mesh-mash of upgrades, cancellations, re-instatements, altered procedures, re-writes of books, check sheets and runways.  In fact, I noticed that even the bridge has changed over the years.


With all the top tech trained staff declared, missions declared, field auditors declared, it is no wonder that we do not have a clear EP to many of the actions on the bridge.  After all anybody that could have kept the tech lines the way LRH wanted them, was disposed of including Mary-Sue.  Considering that DM himself is not an auditor, has no Admin training and is not himself an OT (guess he knows that what he now delivers doesn’t work and only screws you up), as well as a possible CIA/ IRS plant, and if you believe the article on the David Icke site, Israel and Russia wanting to use the tech for mind control, then it makes sense that what we have today in the church is specifically altered to no longer produce the results that LRH envisaged and our eternity has to be found outside in the free zone, regardless of how we chose to achieve it.

32 thoughts on “What is wrong with the church

  1. Dear Joleen,
    Thanks a lot for your story, some eyes to be opened here too. I was NOTS Lead auditor at AOSHEU & AF and Power auditor before that. I remember a red head girl called Sandy Kroeger as one of my PCs. I guess she is the one you mentioned. Do you know if she is in or out? And her husband who I also audited then?

  2. Joleen, your write up exposes what I do think also.
    “Bienvenue au club !!!”
    Did you finally clear up your case state?
    And you don’t tell the end of the story: are you again a successful and brilliant lady ? That’s the most important.

    • Hi Florence,
      No I have not yet cleared up my case state and neither am I successful (Monitory wise that is). But I am happier, more stable and finding the answers every day by self-inspection, looking and not listening, and using the LRH tech I have to handle areas of confusion. I am slowly recovering, but the biggest win is finding myself again without the invalidation, evaluation, labelling and make wrong that was a constant companion throughout my tenure in the church.
      I am a very able person, I have to once again find that piece of thata that walked through the resistance that seems to have encased my case, and each day I feel I am getting closer.
      Why don’t I seek help from what is in the field? Well, firstly I don’t have the money and secondly, I have to learn to trust again, something that I have totally lost.
      But this blog and the freedom to communicate is a God send for me each and every day.
      Thank you for asking and caring.

  3. Joleen I had no idea what you had been
    through – What a story!
    I really hope this story encourages others
    to communicate as the real stories have far
    more impact and give better exposure to who,
    what, when and where.
    I remember you form the late 80′s and early 90′s and loved you to
    bits – you were such a gutsy lady!
    Sooo pleased to hear you are out and doing well.
    I did not wake up until 2009 and even then it took me
    three years to really convince myself that I was not
    being disloyal but really did perceive the deceit and
    destruction in the Church and my wake up call was for
    Real! xx

    • Great write up Joleen, you have really given good references to follow and anybody still in a Q and A regarding the actual truth about the church will be able to finally see that it has been taken over and there is no eternity to be had following that route. And as you have no doubt already found out there are some very dedicated people in the freezone that have kept LRHs tech pure and followed his path and do know what Clear is and it is attainable with all the wins that LRH promised.

      • Thanks Gaye,
        I am busy working on my trust issues and will see where that leads me. I do need help but am so afraid of getting involved again. You and your family is a constant inspiration to me. I hope you guys are doing really well and my deepest love to you all.

    • Thanks Goldie. Yes, its that gutsy beingness I am trying to reabilitate. Boy, its a hard thing for us to leave and even harder to find our way. Glad you have done so and here’s wishing the very best in your jouney ahead.

  4. Joleen,
    Too bad you got screwed over but at least your not going to have to do your Purif-Student Hat-Objectives again.
    I’m no example of a Book 1 or Scientology Clear but suffice it say I did get my “Dianetic Clear”
    state sorted out with Mike Goldstein using the Idenics procedure.
    Welcome to your new freedom.

  5. Jolene when you are good and ready to make your next foray into the terra incognita I’m sure the right terminal will be there for you! All the very best in your searches towards a better path than laid out by the corporate animal known as the C of $!

  6. Thanks Sheeple Bane. I have met so many realy good people out in the freezone. Its my inability right now to totally trust that is the issue. So for now, I am on a path of self discovery which is slow, but is revealing some interesting stuff.

  7. Bravo pour vos commentaires très théta qui respirent l’espoir, le futur…., et un très beau futur :)avec une tech non altérée avec les vraies données de LRH.

  8. Joleen, your story has me crying. I know you and you know me. What I saw was a person who’d jumped in and stormed up the Bridge, or so you thought you were doing. You were successful in a big way and you were done over on all sides, your life shattered, your church refused justice, the AOs would ‘help’ only if you paid.
    I’m so glad you had the good sense to cease your contributions to the IAS, the Ideal Morgue strategy and other. Yes, you were ostracized. I saw it. Any thoughts to get your money refunded. You didn’t get what you paid for, after all, and there are millions of Rands here in Joburg with which they can pay you. You just need to put the right pressure on them, a balance of force and intelligence. It might go a long way towards giving you a sense of justice formerly denied you.
    I’m like you, not sure who I can trust with my case again. Having said that, I didn’t go through what you have, to the contrary, but decided, No OT levels for me from what I’d been observing around me. A close friend, young, who was OT5, died, another close friend’s, also OT5, life is a shambles and she’s trying to rectify it on an ongoing basis. Unfortunately, she hasn’t put two and two together yet. Yet another close friend on OT 7 was mugged and murdered. His life did not improve one iota from being on OT 7 and I observe very many others on OT 7 who don’t seem better off, to the contrary. I could rattle off a list of names of OT5′s whom I’d observed having serious problems in life, you were one of them. All this stopped me in my tracks. We had a spate of uncalled for deaths one year here in Joburg and this was reason for me to take a hard look at things – at the environment that was Joburg org, too.
    My deep and sincere postulates are with you in your journey to find yourself as you know yourself. That fire is there, girl, waiting to be reignited.

  9. Hi Good Choices 880, I wish I knew who you guys really are, but respect your anonymous status. I have received such great response and from people who know me in the church. I honestly did not know I had a friend but feel blessed to find that there were and still are.
    Yes, I would very much like to get every cent I spent from my last action before attesting to clear. Also my entire IAS contribution. Haven’t worked out how yet, but its brewing.
    Yes I am lucky to be alive and for some reason the one constant in my life has been my good health. (touch wood).
    I am reading some stuff now that is O’ so very interesting and has to a large degree started a feeling of trust toward LRH personally again. If you are interested the research can be found at http://www.wanttoknow.info/mind_control/scientology_remote_viewing. It really goes into depth about the time line of the FBI, Remote viewing etc and shows how LRH was right in his suspicions of infiltration and risk to himself and his life.
    Much love

  10. I’ve just finished reading your links, except for the one on Clear which is very long. I’ve saved it though for another time and for reference.
    Thank you so much for providing the links, very, very imformative. I was about to read some books on LRH that are not in his favour, however, I’m loath to. I’m not sure about the people who’ve written them more than not being able to have my perception of him shattered.
    I’m going to delay reading them and perhaps for good. I will read the link you provided in your ack to me and try to get more truth on the line for me. For me, the tech has worked but I didn’t go further than Clear and that is deliberate. I’m more than pleased that I didn’t.
    It seems that DM will get away. At least we know what the church is and can save ourselves from it. We should be trying to save our family, friends and others from simalar fates to yours. I’m thinking of how to do this and a bit of a plan is formulating.
    This is from one of your links:
    “Miscavige isolates himself, as he tries to play as the only one (“one against the rest”),
    which he can not win. When he degrades all the power persons in RTC, CMO Int and Int
    Management including most of the Class XIIs 37 and will not let them not play the game, then there will only be one game left: to go get him. Perhaps this is his plan to gain his well earned retirement. He will be demoted and removed by CMO Int & others and can enjoy his millions of dollars and the “Scientology members in good standing” will trust their new management, which cleared up the revealed corruption. This is plan B for the inevitable case, that someone publishes the already revealed CIA-affiliation of Miscavige and Jentzsch also among Scientologists. D.M. will be sacrificed (who will enjoy his twilight well off) and one will present a “revolution”, which changes nothing, as long as not all the technical changes and established executive structures (RTC, CMO Int, Snr C/S Int etc. all not per LRH!) since the 70’s are corrected.
    I thought I’d copy and paste this gem of information, too, for those who may have missed this:
    “I researched for years and found out, that the Bridge and Tech worked in the beginning
    of the 70’s. In the time, when Ron existed without doubt. This tech is published in the red volumes of the 70’s and can be rehabilitated by every auditor very easily. KSW is the responsibility of everyone and everyone can get gains out of it.”

  11. Hi Good Choice880, Once you have read the document in the link I provided it might become clear that the demise of the Church was orchestrated by the CIA, NSI and IRS as far back as 1972. My viewpoint is that irrefutable proof is out there and should be got hold of. That way the people (Real Scientologists) can turn this thing around by making the exact agencies responsible for the harm done to us all by delivering a false technology that they knew would not deliver the promise of the original tech by LRH and even possibly screw us up good and solid. It is evident from this article that the people involved in remote viewing had definite OT abilities as a result of being LRH’s OT VII. So the tech worked before LRH was vilified and victimised. What these agencies have done to Scientology is called fraud. We just have to prove it. That way Miscavige goes to jail, the churches is returned to the people who bought and paid for them (Ideal Org Donners) and the government agencies are forced to release LRH’s original works back to us that is currently stored deep underground. Now, wouldn’t that be a win.

  12. Quelle joie de découvrir ce site très thétâ où chacun d’entre nous raconte leur parcours…Bravo à tous et à toutes d’avoir ouvert les yeux … En se posant les bonnes questions…Ca bouge petit à petit il y a des prises de conscience .
    Suite à la lettre de Debbie Cokk…nos gros doutes ont été confirmé ( dans l’entourage tous les scientologues étaient ruinés, entreprise en faillite, maladies graves, des familles éclatées…des personnes robotiques.. tel un tableau de Dali sombre de sa période cubique qui représente ce cahot :(…etc la liste serait trop longue…) et nous avons mené notre enquête… et une lueur d’espoir était là
    Ma maman qui a fait OTIII à l’église était toujours malade, et en lisant la lettre elle a guéri de suite , si ça ce n’est pas un signe !!
    Et nos vies ont pris un grand virage un Grand V .. et nous sommes sur les niveaux d’OT avec les vraies données de LRH notre sauveur ♫♫♫ Et nos vies sont à jamais changées et en mieux !!!!!
    Nous sommes une poignée d’amis qui sont sur les niveaux d’OT et tout le monde avance très bien.
    Nous avons une très belle famille heureuse qui profite bien de nos gains surtout mon chat !!!
    Y a du futur…un très beau futur, de l’espoir et la vie ♫♫♫ la vie est très belle et rigolote ♫♫.
    Ma vie ne sera à jamais pareille, les niveaux d’OT m’ont sauvé de cette spirale effroyable et ont répondu à toutes mes questions !!!
    Merci Ron de ce beau cadeau…La liberte !!! et quelle liberté !!!!
    Much love to everybody
    Temudjine la guerrière

    • Hi Temudjine,
      Thank you for writing to me. Had to use a French-English translater to help me but I got your wonderful message. I am so glad you found a path after leaving the Church that is serving you well and giving you all the wins and case gains you desire – especially your cat!!!
      I hope soon I will be able to say that too!
      Much love

      • Hi Joleen
        Thank you very much to have taken time to make a translation in French, and i’m so happy that you answer me
        Have one very nice day:)

      • Hi Joleen ,
        And if I speak about my cat, it’s that before he was very méchand, made for me that bétises big , aggressive, with very bad flow and overnight when I began the levels of OT he changed he became a kind cat, a cuddle, affectionate and did not make for me any more of bétises.
        And for me it is a victory!!!
        Have a very good day, Here it’s raining a lot and I switched on my fireplace and I am going to prepare a good meal for my family,

  13. Hi Joleen, welcome out
    You said: “This outline is just a glimpse of what actually occurred but is not the reason for this post. It is here just to give some background into why my research was centred around ethics, justice and the church.”
    What was the reason for the post? To say Hi? Well hi to you too. You are not alone in your views. Looking forward to the next post.

    • Hi Cece,
      The reason for the post was to show that what is being delivered by the Church is not LRH and that the tech itself is most harmful if you avail yourself with it. That the Church does not follow LRH policies and in fact goes as far as to totally neglect ethics and justice even in its delivery of the tech and the alteration thereof. Why no ethics and justice? Easy, what we have in the church is only a shadow of what is LRH’s works. If you read all the links provided, you will see for yourself.
      Much love

  14. Dear Joleen,
    We have only spent a few moments of time together back in 1992 in the course room. We never socialised as such. Who really did? However, I knew you at the time to be a most affable, happy, successful and decent human being.
    It is therefore heart-breaking for me to read your story. Especially the part about you having lost trust in your fellow man…. So understandable, considering your huge ARC for Scientology and to become OT as you wrote: ‘I was excited and couldn’t wait. I was going to finally get that taste of spiritual freedom and eternity I was promised and I would be an OT with OT abilities. Yeah!
    Since your article appeared, I could not get you out of my mind. Your unanswered question; your eyes staring back at me from this page haunted my thoughts ever since.
    I do not assert that I know the answer to that question at all. There are others far more technically and intellectually qualified than me to answer that. I have come across others who have made incredible sacrifices over the past forty years and more – to FIX WHAT IS WRONG with it.
    In short – don’t waste your precious time, head-space, and further energy on trying to figure out what is wrong with it. YOU know what you know. Think back on your OT II level – the great dichotomies of this universe…. Use that information to guide you as a spiritual and precious being. One will get some real ‘case gain’ to finally realise that whatever is WRONG with it – cannot be fixed. This stairway to heaven is just rigged that way.
    Did you ever wonder why the first ‘wog’ book anyone encounters on doing PRO-TR’S is ‘Alice in Wonderland’? Well, even Alice eventually had to go back to the real world….
    I forgot who wrote this, perhaps it was Shakespeare:
    ‘All the world’s a stage,
    And all the men and women merely players;
    They have their exits and their entrances,
    And one man in his time plays many parts,
    His acts being seven ages.”
    You, and I and those who have made their entrances and exits by choice, expulsion, or quietly left to live lives of untold sorrow and quiet desperation – even those, who like Alice in Wonderland have not yet made their exits – all the while encountering the most bizarre dichotomies along the way – all will eventually leave or be made to leave. IT IS JUST A MATTER OF TIME; a matter of how much BS, abuse, doubts and very inconvenient truths they are prepared to swallow. As long as Alice is prepared to be lead up the garden path, flowing power to the Beast that devours all – the show will go on.
    Don’t you also find it bizarre, that we of the church say, ‘we believe all men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely to write freely their own opinions and the counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others’ – and then to EXPEL people for doing exactly that? So this stairway is rigged so as to draw in seekers after truth – like moths to a flame. And then the show begins – finding truths and also lies. The church of ultimate contradictions – betrayal vs. trust, wins vs. losses, traps vs. freedom, disappointments vs. elations, MEST vs. spirituality, truth vs. deceit – the whole shebang has been rigged that way.
    Have you ever wondered why the religious symbol of the church is seemingly a standard Christian cross, which is then double crossed? The symbolic clue is right out in the open, the bizarre dichotomy of being double crossed. It is no wonder that you find it hard to trust again. We have all been double crossed sooner or later along the way.
    I make a point of differentiating between Scientology as an applied philosophy, and $cientology the cult, the Vampire Empire of broken promises, of double crossings, and bizarre dichotomies. If you need any advice, it will be this. Hold on the good that you found, and throw out the rest without sorrow. No one has to agree with chaff. LRH gave you permission to disagree with him. $cientology would want you to believe that you need to be admired, buy ‘statuses’ for this, that, or the other. LRH had a different advice on this – ‘never desire to be admired’. He might not have practiced this himself, but it is good advice. What a trap has been woven by this spider’s web of dichotomies to deceive.
    I would like to look you into those haunting eyes and remind you to remember these words of Marianne Williamson:
    ‘Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
    but that we are powerful beyond measure.
    It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
    We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
    gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
    Actually, who are you not to be?
    You are a child of God.
    Your playing small does not serve the world.
    There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
    so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
    We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
    It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
    And, as we let our own light shine,
    we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
    As we are liberated from our fear,
    our presence automatically liberates others.

    • Hi Jane, thanks so much for your deep heartfelt letter. Wise words indeed! For me the truth has to be known. The “why” needs to be found. I do not think I will be able to find true peace until this is done and many innocent people are saved from the obnoxious and dangerous practices that the church has come to personify.
      For me the worst thing I can do is nothing. Not just that, I believe it is part of my healing process. I have always desired to find the truth, whether that is religious, political, historical or esoterically. What I have found opened a can of worms for me, and until I have the truth in my hands, I will not rest.
      The church is guilty of so much. As long as we let them get away with it, more people will become their unwitting victims, more lives and families destroyed.
      So although I wish I was the type of person who could just walk away, I am a fighter, a rebel and a seeker of truth. My quest to get concrete evidence of the real intentions of David Miscarriage and his band of criminal puppeteers and fully expose it, and the churches are back in the hands of the unadulterated tech, I will continue to look and seek.
      If I can just save one person from the hell I went through, it will have all been worthwhile.
      Lots of love

  15. David Icke? Really? You don’t have to create more complicated answers than the ones staring you right in the face. The Church of Scientology is a cult, plain and simple. You joined a cult. You thought like a cult member. The truth is much, much simpler and more freeing than any conspiracy theories. Best wishes to you.

    • Yes, David Icke and many others who write using concrete evidence in the form of documents, personal interviews, newspaper reports and records. Why not a conspiracy! I believe that there was and that the ultimate game was mind control and remote viewing by the various governments and that LRH’s tech was not just viable but worked and that is why the church and LRH was attacked, defiled and desecrated.
      I have availed myself of the technology of LRH and having experienced the phenomena of auditing, I know the good it does but put this tech in the wrong hands, alter it a little here and a little there, and a whole new phenomena is reached – one that is dangerous, does not work and has caused harm. So if you want to believe that its all just a cult, that’s your prerogative. For me, it’s a workable technology that correctly applied will achieve a desired result that is far greater than you can imagine.
      Much love

      • Joleen,
        Thank you for taking the time to respond. I would never say I understand what you experienced because we are different people. But I too was once an enthusiastic Scientologist.
        When I was in the CoS, I became a Class 4 auditor (permanent), completed OTIV, did the PDC, and audited staff and public, among other things. I left in 1988 not because Scientology had harmed me, but after sincerely working hard at it and “doing it right” for 15 years, the cost / effort / time / energy I expended was simply more than the gains I received. I also wanted to discover and live the life I wanted than the one the Church required of me.
        I’m not trying to “be right,” but to let you know that we have more in common than I first shared. I sincerely hope the paths that you find and follow from now on will bring you great personal satisfaction. I am thrilled that you have gained your freedom from that insanely cruel hamster cage that calls itself a church. You have my very, very best wishes that all your dreams come true.

    • In all fairness – David Icke did not write the expose that Joleen referred to. The writer used David Icke’s Blog to express his opinions – mostly his conclusions, opinions, speculations, and wild statements straight from some ‘dead agent’ materials issued forth by the cult – shore stories to explain away and vilify others. We should all know that if the cult tells you the sun is shining – go outside and verify it for yourself.

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