A change will do you good

An article by Chris Shelton

  Chris Shelton article 18 Oct 2014

“Progress is impossible without change,and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything” – George Bernard Shaw

Looking at the ex-Scientology community, the blogs and video channels and Facebook groups, I would say that I have put out my fair share of articles and videos about the abuses and darker sides of the Scientology experience.

Frankly, there has been so much to say that I haven’t yet suffered from anything like writer’s block. Scientology is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to oppression, deception and abuse.

But there is a point to all this and it’s not just to be a critic for the rest of my life. These articles and the videos I make are a form of catharsis and as much as I’m informing and helping others, I’ve also been helping myself.

Given that my life is about to take a dramatic turn for the better, with yet another huge change taking place right now as I write this, I thought I’d take a few moments to talk about how my life has changed for the better since I left Scientology last year.

It can’t really be said enough, so let me start off by again saying that life is so much better now that I’m not a Scientologist. I’m writing this for those who may have also recently (or not so recently) come out of a cult-like environment. Maybe my experiences with this can help you too.

The Pressure Cooker

Being in a mass movement, like Scientology, is like being in a pressure cooker or a bubble world where things are just kind of different. If you’ve never been in a situation like that, it’s very difficult to describe.

The whole nature of reality and how I viewed the world was skewed. My world revolved around pieces of information which I thought were universally true in the same way that 2 + 2 = 4. The facade started to crack when it became apparent over time that these “universal truths” weren’t actually so universal. The carefully crafted way I was convinced the world was supposed to work, didn’t really work that way.

I was actually living in a house of lies. Once one lie was exposed, others started popping into view at an alarming rate. Soon I had a choice: either lie to myself to accept those lies, or start accepting information from other sources than the authority of the Church’s dogma. Like a hole in a dam, I would plug one hole only to find three more popping out. Since I’m not one to enjoy lying and I never have been, I opted to find out the real truth.

It was one of the best decisions of my life. I quickly found out that many of the things which I’d accepted as true were, in fact, totally made up lies. Some of it was true, but not enough to justify the outrageousness of what was going on or the lifestyle I was being forced to live.

Once I made the decision to get out, I thought that was it. I thought I was free and ready to move on with the rest of my life. I could just leave all that behind me.

Little did I know that it was only the beginning. I had to re-adjust to life in the real world, a place that was much different than I thought.

I didn’t have the words to describe what was happening to me. I found myself fascinated with all of the information available about Scientology on the internet. As I say now, I “went down the rabbit hole” and had no idea where that was going to take me.

I first heard the word “decompression” in a video interview with actor and ex-Scientologist Jason Beghe and I immediately latched on to it because it was just one of the perfect words to describe what I felt was going on with me. My head was adjusting to a whole new way of thinking and being. I was also discovering a far more pleasant and real world than the one I’d been in for so many years.

The Onion

Someone asked on a message board recently “When do you know when you’re done decompressing?” and it’s funny how my answer to that has changed over the past year.

At first I would have said I was done in the first month out. The truth is that I was in denial about the whole thing. Recovery? Adjustment period? What are you talking about? I’m all good. In fact, I’ve never been better. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve put all that crazy behind me and I’ll never think about it again.

Well, that lasted for a couple of weeks. Yes, the world was brand new and fresh and alive but then things happened – awkwardness in relationships, mistakes at work – and it started dawning on me that maybe I didn’t have it all together. I wasn’t the Master of the Universe and everyone was not bowing and scraping at my command. I found out that there were some things about communication and relationships that I had to learn all over again. There’s more on this below, but let’s just say for now that it was not all gummy bears and clover.

While going through those adjustments, I would have said that decompression takes about six months.

Amongst the ex-Scientologist community, this phenomena has been referred to as “onion layers peeling off” and like the word “decompression” that is a very apt description. You have no idea when you first come out just how deep the layers go. So far in my experience, the next layer down was not usually within my ability to comprehend until I peeled off the one I was in.

Now I have to say that the decompression is never going to stop. It took me 27 years to dig myself in and there certainly isn’t any reason I can think of that it should take me any less time to dig all the way out.

So What Has Changed?

There have been so many changes and so much growth for me spiritually, emotionally and mentally, that I’d be hard put to even be able to remember them all. They just keep happening. Here are some of the bigger milestones in my recovery:


Probably the biggest change has been losing the anxiety and fear which was a part of my everyday life as a Sea Organization member. After so many years of it, it became normal to be jumpy, anxious, uncertain about my day-to-day existence. I didn’t know when I woke up each day whether at the end of that day, I was going to be in serious trouble warranting another round of disciplinary measures, or whether I was going to pull off some heroic “product” that would keep the Ethics Officer at bay or whether it was just going to be another routine day.

It took me months before I could even identify where this jumpiness was coming from. I had a compulsive need to be busy, to never “be slacking off”. I actually believed that this was a “good work ethic” when in fact it was a terror of the idea of being disciplined for not staying busy every minute of the day. I had to “stay productive” all the time and felt like a totally worthless slob if I took time out after work to watch TV or go play pool. I know there’s nothing wrong with working or with wanting to get things done, but I hope I’m making it clear that this went way beyond any of that.

Once I did finally identify this as actual anxiety, it’s not like it just went away. One of the things I learned is that in real life, just because you “spot” something, that doesn’t mean it just goes away. That’s just another one of Hubbard’s lies. However, I was able to start dealing with it for what it was and I started to purposefully take time to relax and practiced doing nothing important at all.

I’m sure it sounds crazy that I literally had to practice being lazy, but it was the only way I could learn to chill out and lose the anxiety. Then one day, I was sitting reading a novel and I looked up and realized that I was really okay with what I was doing. No one was looking over my shoulder, no one was calling me out for being a slacker and, best of all, no one ever was going to do that to me again.


Communication was another huge change. In Scientology, you are led to believe that Hubbard’s “Communication Formula” is one of the most ultimate truths in the universe. It was one of the first things I learned in Scientology and it was very important to me. I always thought of myself as an excellent communicator. So it was a big surprise when I ran into times where I was not able to “handle” someone through communication alone. It was an even bigger surprise when I had to learn how to just back off and leave someone alone for a while rather than continue prattling at them. That was not what I had been used to in Scientology.

For me, you never left on an ARC break (upset), you never left someone with BIs (bad indicators, meaning angry). But I’ve learned that it’s okay to have an argument with someone and just leave it alone. Sometimes that really is the best way to handle it. Maybe you revisit it later and maybe you don’t. People can actually get along without having to resolve every little thing.

The other major change in communication, of course, was dropping the Scientology words from my vocabulary. At first it was difficult, but I understood them well enough that it was easy to internally translate them and say what I meant in regular English. Mostly this was helpful for me to flush the Scientology thought processes out of my thinking. I’ve seen this advice on message boards and blogs and it’s good advice. Just stop talking like a Scientologist and it makes it a lot easier to stop thinking like one.

Critical Thinking and Tolerance

Finally, I knew I had to review all of my beliefs and all of my “stable data” to determine what actually made sense to me, versus what I had been told was true. In Scientology, there is so much information that is forced down your throat but it’s done in such a slow and pleasant way that it doesn’t feel like that. Anyone reading this who has been routinely flunked on clay demonstrations or star-rate checkouts until they finally got it right according to the materials instead of according to what they really thought, will know what I’m talking about.

This is when I happened upon critical thinking as a subject.

I was thoroughly trained in Hubbard’s Data Series, which is his version of logic. I thought, since Hubbard told me so, that anything having to do with logic and reason beyond the Data Series was completely obtuse, unlearnable and worthless. So imagine my surprise when I actually started looking into it and found that the Data Series “evaluation tech” is completely inadequate as a system of thought. I found out that those old guys Socrates and Plato and many other philosophers and masters of logic and rhetoric through the years actually did have some idea of what they were talking about.

It was when I found Carl Sagan’s “Baloney Detection Kit”, contained in his book The Demon-Haunted World, that my eyes opened wide to the undeniable fact that almost everything Hubbard wrote was, in fact, pseudo-science. In other words, there is no real science in anything Hubbard wrote or said. He simply claimed that his subjects were based in science and he used scientific-sounding words and phrases to impress his readers. This is especially true in the formative years of Dianetics and Scientology, when he was trying to convince engineers.

My point is not to convince anyone with this, I’m merely relating what I experienced during my own decompression. Perhaps some day I’ll do a more thorough analysis of this so I can make a real argument about the pseudo-science of Dianetics and Scientology. If you are reading this right now, and you think that I’m totally off on this and that Hubbard’s science is totally sound, I’m not going to take up debating you in the comments. We can save that for another time.

Through this education in critical thinking, I lost something which I now consider to have actually been a more valuable “gain” than anything else so far: I lost my blind certainty. I lost the false conviction that I knew it all, and with it the idea that any one man or one subject or one source is going to tell me everything I need to know. I learned that there is no one who has all the answers, and anyone claiming to be that is probably just trying to sell you something.

This was not a cynical lesson. Just the opposite. What I learned is that the entire universe is full of things to know and experiences to be had. I learned that I know hardly anything and the rest of my life can be spent finding my own answers. This was the day that I felt like I really “woke up”.

With Scientology, I had bought into the idea that I’d “done it all before” and that “Hubbard figured it all out”. I was doing nothing more than denying myself a life worth living. Blindly following anyone, never thinking and never questioning, is a great way to run into a lot of walls. I’m not going to live my life that way ever again.

Yet at the same time, I no longer look down on anyone’s beliefs or faith. Like I’ve said from the very beginning, people are free to believe whatever they want. I don’t care and why should I? It’s not my place to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t believe about anything. How do I know if there’s a God? How do I know if someone saw a UFO or not? The truth is I don’t have a clue and neither does anyone else. That’s why it’s called faith.

Critical thinking and science have given me guideposts so that I can rationally evaluate information and make my own decisions and come to my own conclusions. If I want to share my ideas with other people and they happen to agree with me, that’s awesome, but I’m never going to try to shove my beliefs down anyone’s throat.

I can provide evidence and explanations. I am more than happy to listen to other people’s evidence and explanations, and then come to my own conclusions.

When it comes to judging people, it’s their actions that count. It’s not their beliefs, it’s what they do with them.

A New Beginning

I can honestly say that my life has never been better than it is now. I have a freedom of thought and expression and movement that I never thought possible when I was in Scientology. I have a sense of hope about the future – one that I’m making in my own way – and I have never been happier.

I have real friends who will not abandon me or stop talking to me just because someone orders them to or because I choose to say what’s on my mind. There are no restrictions on what I can say to them or what they can say back to me.

And while everything I’ve been talking about here has basically been about me, that’s not what my life is all about. So much of what I have done in the past and what I do now is driven by my desire to help and that’s never going to stop. As they say in Scientology, life is lived on all eight dynamics, meaning across the entire vista of existence and not just for oneself. Now for the first time since I was a teenager, I really am able to live across all those dynamics and it feels wonderful.

I can’t recommend it enough.

Chris Shelton

Our acknowledgement to Chris for allowing us to reproduce this article from his blog – if you’d like to read more articles by Chris you can do so at his blog: “Chris Shelton – Critical Thinker at Large” 

75 thoughts on “A change will do you good

    • I don’t think that Chris is “ARC broken” in need of “repair.”
      It appears that he has graduated from Scientology.
      He’s free.

      • Boggle,

        There are at least a couple of things wrong with your interjection.

        1. First, you had no business to speak for Chris. I did not address my comm to you.

        2. The tone level and theta level of your post is (REDACTED)

        That tone level and theta level is most common and systemic amongst scientologists.

        In fact it is difficult to find some people who do not fall in or near that tone level and theta level in scn.

        It is difficult to find a scn who will not (REDACTED) on another person.

        The true quality of a man is not determined on good roads and good weather.

        The true quality of a man is determined by what he is hiding behind his valences and social veneer, if he has any at all.

        The true quality of man is determined in times of less than good roads and good weather.

        The true quality of man is determined by his weaknesses or aberrations, which usually show up in times of conflict and adversity, or when he is caught off guard.

        The true quality of a man is like a chain of which strength is determined by it’s weakest link.


        It will be a cold day in hell before scientologists will gain a good reputation.

        The average scientologist is not a desireable human being.

        Meanwhile my post was an offer of good will, which isin the range of top of the tone and theta scale.


      • MODERATOR COMMENT: Dio – your comment has been moderated, and where necessary certain profanities and ad-hominem attack was redacted. This platform is not a platform for commenters to engage in profame language, denigration of people and slagging matches against one another. This is off-topic and does nothing to contribute towards the issue of the article.

        If you have a personal issue with Dio, please handle this on some other forum.

        BIC ADMIN

      • Exactly. Dio – I think you need to read the article again – Chris does not do auditing anymore – he is done with it.

  1. Good for you Chris, glad you made it out the pressure cooker!

    Deffintely dont agree with some of what you say but then again its your game and your choice. I am one of those blind fools battling with kool aid withdrawls you might
    say in retort. I dont mind really, plenty space for all our unique perspectives. Im guessing you didnt get very far up the bridge so i cant spout the glory of doing it outside the cult bubble without you switching off. However I never quite experienced the sea org hell as you did, class V staff was awefull enough at times!

    Maybe one day your curiosity may be piqued and you might try a bit of auditing and see why so many of us ex brainwashees still dig it plenty! 😉

    • I have 50+ PC folders and no shortage of auditing up to Clear including my RPF coauditing of FPRD and other actions for over 1000 hours. It is not for lack of “reality” on Scn tech that I eschew the subject now. I am also highly trained admin and tech wise. As I said in the article, I am not writing or making video to denigrate any one else’s wins or gains with Scn. I have never said that people weren’t helped by it to whatever degree. It’s not something I personally see any lasting value in and that’s simply my viewpoint on it. There are a great number of abusive and damaging things contained within the subject which j do speak out about, but that doesn’t mean I’m a “hater” or that I am an absolutist. I hope that helps clarify my position.

      • Good morning Chris,

        Your words resonate that of a man who found his own walk to freedom. I love the way you are embracing your journey.

        A particular idea from the Bible springs to my mind about eternal freedom / salvation. Loosely interpreted – that the road to freedom it is not a clear cut straight six lane, one way highway strewn with luxury transport. It is more like pioneering a footpath into the undergrowth up a steep hill – all the way strewn with wild animals, unpredictable weather, loose rocks and thorny bushes. This indicates that one has to get off the highway and travel one’s own path to reach a place of true freedom. NO ONE else can do that for anyone.

        Therefore the road to freedom is not a carnival parade of the cheap tricks and treats of mass-fear-based-manipulation; the approval and opinions of others – or fake statuses endowed by fake people over one’s life. The greed of it all – to trap your very soul, hijack your life, possessions, and money.

        The glue that binds all that is – is the fear factor. Uninspected, unknown – inability to think for oneself but only roll on the pre-prepared script of others. The latest incident with Marty springs to mind….. parrots quacking – unable to think critically – keeping the trapped ever so compliant.

        The very best of luck, love and joy on your journey Chris. You communicated well that you are enjoying your walk to freedom. 🙂

      • Understood loud and clear. Ive watched your videos Chris BTW and your summations and analysis of RCS is really good! It really is a mind bending cult of greed worth every bit of scorn! I sense your contempt and I cannot blame you. We were all betrayed..

        I guess the only view I disagree with is on the tech and the ole man whom I still have ARC with despite his faults and mistakes. Hell I wish I had half his talent. Even if my view is in the minority scale on this blog I will not hide it. I can have the disagreement and still enjoy the stimulating debates.
        Where most of us unite is with the destruction of the church, this I wish for daily, Im sure you do too. Thanks for your viewpoint.

    • +1 to a large degree sheeplebane…but on the other hand, maybe the OT Levels aren’t for everyone.

      There does seem to be widespread agreement that the great majority of people enjoyed the Lower Bridge at least…I believe many people can do the Lower Bridge only and never key-in the OTIII and NOTs case…for these people maybe this is a good EP, at least for a long period of time…Chris I know you said you reached Clear…did you also do the Grades?

      For me and from my experiences, especially from NOTs and the later non-LRH completion of the NOTs technology, I have no doubt that LRH’s Bridge was not complete and I have little doubt that this path is by far the best bet to seeing just how far our personal and collective “rabbit holes” go. In other words the only currently satisfactory route for me is the continuation along the path to OT (as postulated and envisioned by LRH).

    • Hi Sheeplebane and TreasonousFu*k,
      People have been going up the bridge outside the cult bubble for over thirty years. All the tech, including all the original handwritten OT levels, the Class VIII course, the Ls, and NOTs, were available in the early 1980s. Lots of people were busy training and auditing. It was exciting doing these things without the organizational red tape.
      Almost none of those people are, today, still involved with Scientology. They didn’t become Operating Thetans, or geniuses, or super able. Once the excitement of “doing the tech,” free from corporate Scientology, wore off, they looked around and realized it wasn’t what they had been led to believe it was by its founder.
      I still think that the basic idea of “auditing” has some limited usefulness in some instances, but the OT levels are mostly L. Ron Hubbard’s own personal hang ups imposed on the impressionable minds of those who are still enchanted by his sales pitch.
      Saying that “The OT levels are not for everyone” is an old subtle put down. We used it 40 years ago. It meant the person was a NCG (No Case Gain) case, or a DB (Degraded Being) or, perhaps, a GE (Genetic Entity).
      Truth is, most people, wisely, don’t want L. Ron Hubbard’s hang ups injected into their heads. Only Scientologists are thrilled by the idea of having that happen. After all, it brings them closer to Ron.
      That said, I’m not a materialist, and do consider that all space, “inner” and “outer,” should be explored to the fullest. However, L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology, at the very least, requires a very visible warning label. It is not what it says it is. It’s has some truth, but also traps, and hooks, and endless mazes where one wanders – e-meter cans in hand – through the tangled tunnels of L. Ron Hubbard’s mind.
      More and more people are moving beyond Scientology. They are wise.

      • “Truth is, most people, wisely, don’t want L. Ron Hubbard’s hang ups injected into their heads. Only Scientologists are thrilled by the idea of having that happen. After all, it brings them closer to Ron.”

        What a great description. Boggle. I couldn’t have put it like that but it exactly how I feel about it.

        I’m Clear and won’t go further. Perhaps the reason I haven’t pulled in any OT 3 case is because it’s isn’t MY case! It’s Hubbard’s.

  2. MODERATOR COMMENT: Barry, your comment was redacted as it was off-topic. The quote at the beginning of the article and your opinion on George Bernard Shaw is not relevant to the content of the article.

    As a reminder:

    “We will moderate comments solely intended to provoke other users of this blog or to cause confusion or inhibit regular, on-topic conversation.”

  3. Dear Chris,

    Well one thing which really sticks out is that you now do your own thinking and as such are now the Captain of your own ship…congratulations and wishing you the best in your future endeavors!

    P.S. It’s kind of funny but that is what the VFP of Scientology was always supposed to be!

    • Thank you very much. And yes, I did do the Grades. I got Grade IV three tines, in fact. And my last r-factor about my Bridge was that j hadn’t really attained anything and I was going to have to re-do all of it starting at the Purif. Right.

      • This is totally off the wall..I understand better. Those C/Ses and auditors should be hung, drawn and quartered publically!

  4. For a view from INSIDE the bubble, here’s an extract from an IAS email I just received: “Both of these events leave you in awe and in a complete jaw-drop seeing the amount of work WE are doing as members of the IAS, selflessly and without expecting anything in return. No one, but no one on Earth come close to that even slightly. Scientology is such an amazing group and you and I being part of it is a privilege that I think we underestimate. And it is also a responsibility. You will be inspired to DO something and whatever that is, you will do it with great pride after seeing these events.”
    The only jaw drop I had was incredulity, and an automatic search for my wallet to hide it.
    Nice article, Chris. As an UTR I avidly read articles such as these to summon the courage to one day break free (and, I guess, say goodbye to some of my family… and the money they still owe me).

    • I know it sounds difficult, because it is, but it really is a better life all around when you just walk away. Scientology Inc is a suppressive group and you will feel immensely better when it’s off your lines.

    • Awww Michey..not you too!!

      Dang! I just got restarted and its too flippen good not to want great company!

      Cant people s-e-p-a-r-a-t-e church and the tech?? Such a pity when people graduate scientology before actually finishing it? Go figure? Throwing the baby, todlers and husbands/wives out with the bathwater just makes no sense. Use what you will, chuck the rest. Godammit people, this upsets me knowing that some who deserve it wont have it because of some twat usurper who got drunk on the sight of his larger power shadow!!

      The choice is always ones own.

      • Remaining fixated upon “not losing your eternity” is what keeps most scientologist still believing in Ron and The Tech.

        When I began to actually L-O-O-K at Ron and his life, I noticed the huge contradictions. His life was a mess in his last 10 years. Seperated from his family, living out of a suitcase on the run from the authorities whilst cutting his communications with the world and relaying on a via(Broeker/Miscaivage etc) for information. This picture is far distant from the utopia he painted of “cause over life”.

        Yipe, Hubbard failed to secure his own eternity but many will accept his methods as gospel.

        The problem is that there is no baby in the bath water, just dirty soap sods and muddy water but leaving the game Ron designed for mankind is done on a gradient.

        Well done Chris, I think you have graduated with honours! (or in ‘american’ – honors)

      • Lols, I aint trying to “hectically save” as you mentioned anybody. The world doesnt need any saving from me or anyone else. Look around. I may just be interested in a few people with regards to help though.

        I merely lamented on Michelles comment simply because I know her as her auditor. I like seeing people do better and think there is still great value in the tech.

      • “The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.”

        John Kenneth Galbraith – Canadian-American economist (1908-2006)

      • Sheeplebane – assuming we can’t separate the church from the tech is very condescending. I have looked at both as seperate things and I have also looked at LRH, thew white-washed version the church provides and virtually everything else written about him. And I have found nothing that I want from him or the tech.

        Recently I realized that when LRH saw that people would send their pubescent children to him, to “work for Ron”, he saw that he could get some people to follow him blindly and he knew he had it made after that. When he then got these pubescent children to dress him and nobody stopped him, he knew he really could get away with anything. Remember – very often the parents of those little children had no idea where in the world their children were! This is not a good thing. When I look at my 12 year old grand daughter and imagine her being sent to work for an old man in an unknown location it freaks me out 100 different ways.

        I find nothing to admire in him and as such all his tech is suspect in my view.

        So please don’t assume we can’t separate the church from the tech.

  5. Chris, I LOVE this article. Thanks so much for sharing it.

    What you say is so similar to how my own decompression is going. Amongst other things, I also no longer use Scientologese and speak regular English. What a relief.

    Although I’m willing to help others, I also don’t feel compelled to and/or to change their minds about what they are doing. I’ve lost that compulsion to interfer in the effort to “save” and get a lot of gratification from just allowing them to be. It’s great to let people own their own lives and own their own mistakes. I look around a lot at families and their lives and see that most people are doing very well, in fact. Many are doing a hell of a lot better…..

    I have shed the straight-jacket that used to determined how I’d see things and how I would address situations or people.

    That fear! I know exactly what you mean. Fortunately, early one, I realised what it stemmed from and it’s disappated to a large degree. Only every now and again, from force of habit, it occurs but hardly ever now.

    I’ve also learnt that the datum “speed of particle flow alone determines power” is not necessarily true. I acknowledge that there is a season for things and “timing”. In my new laid back style of living and working, “More is nog ‘n dag”, a South Africanism that has come to mean a lot to me – it means tomorrow is another day. I achieve more from a more relaxed and chilled frame of mind than from frenzied activity and hecticness.

    I totally agree with what you’ve said about communication and disagreements.

    I studied the Hubbard Data Series too only to find that I’ve never used the information from it.

    I’m free to look at EVERYTHING out here. I’ve developed admiration for people out here, their cleverness, their success, their kindness, willingness to help, their generosity of spirit, their sense of things, that it, when to work and when to play – and they play well! They treat themselves!

    The sense of liberation I feel is priceless and not easy to put into words. I’ve lost that attitude of superiority, that arrogance, of thinking I know better, now knowing that I DON’T have all the answers.

    I’ve also had really great things happen to me since I’m out. For one, I attract money like I didn’t before. I’m constantly happy and, for the first time since I joined Scn (my first decade in was very unhappy), I know fun again, laugh at my errors instead of assign myself lowers. I’m forever laughing at myself, even when on my own – out loud!

    There are things I learnt in the cult that are valuable to me and that I use. But now I’m released from the ridgedity, rules, narrowmindedness. So much of the ethics tech, for instance, I did under enforcement and to appease. I don’t use it in my current life except now and again when I really think it’ll resolve something.

    An interesting observation I’m making is how well I’m doing now and it’s ongoing. I compare this who still thinks Hubbard is the last word and religiously applyies the conditions to his life which remains just one long battle. And it’s been like this for the ten years I’ve know him. What is sad is that he can’t see it.

    Don’t worry about Sheeplebain, he is condescending and sarcastic to anyone who rocks his little boat.

  6. Chris, I really and truly pick up the immense sense of joy & freedom that you described in your article.

    It is prudent to mention, here, that everyone ever to set foot on the scientology “path”, no matter the duration, all have had a unique experience, with disparate and wildly different ‘takes’ as to whether that was either good, or bad. A reflection of life, perhaps, when looking at the bigger picture? (traps of every description, abound in life too, not so?)

    Looking at the lengthy ‘fallout’, of parishioners/ devotees/ believers, since the suspicious “takeover” by David Miscavige, leading up to, and following the death of L. Ron Hubbard,
    coupled to the unfolding of much previously hidden information kept from scientologists, has obviously broadened our overall view of the subject, and helped in our assessing
    the merits contained therein, or not.

    As a scn who joined in 1971, who made the very most of the basic elements, at the entry level, which I very quickly identified as useful ‘tools’, continuing on with ‘great gains’ for a number of years, until the heavy ‘regging’ commenced, following the I986 death of LRH.

    This sudden focus on money, money, money, set off alarrm bells with me and my family, resulting in us rapidly making an exit, from what was turning into a monstrous cult, devoid of the fun and gains experienced previously. We were therefore obviously spared the cunningly laid “mind-control” and theta-mincing machine of $heeple farmer, David MI$cavige, which had forcibly displaced L.Ron Hubbard and his entire family!

    A good point to bear in mind, Chris, is a quote I heard from Steve Hall, a while back;

    “If it isn’t fun — it isn’t Scientology”.

    Hey, at the end of the day, Chris, you’re now out of “The Miscavige Madness!

    It truly can only get better. 🙂

    Best, Calvin.

    • I became a member of the “Church” of Scientology in 1970.
      “If it isn’t fun it isn’t Scientology” is an old PR slogan.
      The (post 1993 USA Inland Revenue tax deal) emphasis on purchased “statuses” is ridiculous; however, the (fraudulently obtained) tax exemption, which made encouraging that type of “donation” legal and rewarded its donators with a tax deduction.
      Hard (“Crush”) Sell tech has been practiced by corporate Scientology since the 1960s.
      Prices started increasing monthly during 1976.
      The emphasis on money was already strong, but after 1976, and then 1977 and 1978, it became even more so.
      MODERATOR COMMENT: Boggle we redacted some remarks in your post due to violation of our moderation policy. This blog is not a platform for hate speech and/or anti-LRH remarks, regardless of whether you believe them to be true or not. You are entitled to your own opinion, however please understand this blog is visited and viewed by many other people who still consider themselves as practicing Scientologists even though this may be outside the confines of the Church. The comments you made about LRH and his family were off-topic, denigrating and not based on your own personal knowledge or experience.

      • That’s fine, however, IMO, it’s not anti-LRH to say that LRH wanted Scientology to obtain tax exemption. As for LRH’s family, that topic was mentioned earlier, and I personally knew two of his disowned children.

        MODERATOR: Thank you. The remarks that were redacted were inflammatory. The way you have put it above is much better.

      • Boggle, seeing you are no longer a scientologist, why the insistence of a nom-de-plume? Do you not have sufficient courage to expose yourself?
        You hide behind a shield, making your noises on this blog, among others who have no such need. Grow a pair man, or skulk off to all the other hater sites, who cater for your glaring “needs.”

        — Calvin. (proudly OUT)

  7. Great article Chris – I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    It occurs to me from reading the various comments here there are some very strong opinions/viewpoints being communicated – a certain degree of heckling or making others wrong for their opinions and views on the current state of things. This goes against my grain.

    The road out of the labyrinth of the RCS is filled with potholes. I believe that everyone’s journey out is different to the next – this is, after all what makes us humanoids unique. The fact that we have all woken up and gotten out should be applauded. If some have chosen to stay “true to LRH” by continuing up the bridge in the Indy/Freezone or whatever, then fine. If others have chosen to leave the Church and the entire subject of Scientology behind – they are fully within their rights to do so, and no-one has the right to make anyone wrong or criticise anyone’s decision – either way.

    It is with some amusement that I observe what I refer to as the “pendulum swing” – when a person first starts waking up, they go extreme left or right, then the other way, and then back again and so on – until they find their OWN middle path and finally settle down with what is comfortable for them. And whatever path they choose is their right and thus should be respected by others.

    Making snide remarks and telling people who have already left the Church to “wake up” is indicative of the fact that people making such remarks are still stuck in “cult think” – they’ve just changed cults!

    Personally for me, I am still on that pendulum swing and I guess one day I will settle down in a zone that makes me feel comfortable. Woe betide the person who tries to tell me I am wrong or “should be, ought to be etc”. One of the first people I reached out to when I started my journey out promptly assigned me a condition of doubt and told me to let him know when I was done. That person has never heard from me again, and nor will he.

    • Another option is to focus on the subject of knowledge of which Scientology is just a subset.

      Take from Scientology that is beneficial and consistent with the overall subject of knowledge. Bequeath the rest to past.


      • Vin has ventured far beyond the wall and appreciates the value of forming one’s own opinion from wherever one pleases. I just got through writing a post to a group of folks who are still locked into the “blindness” Chris refers to. They can’t even begin to question their anger or immobility.
        You’re on your way Chris. Please keep your posts coming as they are priceless to those seeking a road to not only recovery, but guide posts to a new life!

    • Spot on Shelley – there’s really one thing I truly value from leaving the RCS and that’s the recovery of my self-determinism. The rest is just interesting babble.

    • Lovely Shelly! You rock, in a battle I would want you on my team for sure..you still remind me of my godmother. Think I told you
      that long ago 😉

    • Great comments Shelley! I especially go along with your response to the whole ‘make wrong’ deal. We still see this stuff, squeaking through moderation, though never-the-less HEAVY invalidation of ‘Hubbard’.

      There appears to be scant appreciation, of the enormous GOOD, he actually brought about, via the marvelous results obtained through the painstaking research, development and refinement of the authentic LRH brand of auditing technology.

      I have personally experienced it, and first hand, observed the trained and controlled application of the tech, by my Class V (NED) wife, Dorothy, bring about dramatic and in some cases what could be described as miraculous improvements, in her PC’s.

      The ‘tech’, can certainly be viewed as precision set of ‘tools’. Without a doubt, the tech, used in the LRH prescribed manner, compares to actual scientific engineering. ie. the tuning of motor racing cars/bikes, is totally dependent on precision formula to “enhance performance.”
      (I can attest to “enhanced personal performance”, in the halving of my reaction time, (critical in racing), directly as a result of auditing )

      Similarly, by their use, diagnostic formula, and fault finding/monitoring equipment, has been developed for detection and pinpointing of same.
      (The large array of LRH refined”remedies”, lists, and auditing methods/ styles and processes, have their effectiveness rooted in the ‘fundamental AXIOMS’ governing their workability.)

      There is a solid ‘reason” why Class VI (SHSBC Grads) were termed “The Dukes of auditing elite”. Their mere presence, in a session, told a pc, he was in in the hands of a precision technician. As for the upper auditing strata? Well, we are honored to have our very own LRH trained Class XII, right in our midst!— none other than Karen De La Carriera. 🙂

      In summary, let’s cut the crap, by cutting the unwelcome invalidation, on the part those STILL sitting on a huge pile of charge. (they refuse to recognize, they’re re-creating,) and therefore simply CANNOT let go!
      (They probably refuse auditing, which exacerbates things too!)

      Hey, Life is short, why waste a second of it, on recriminations that pin you in the past? — I don’t, and am much happier for it! 🙂

    • Heckling and making each other wrong, so to speak, is part of being free to speak. It IS freedom of speech. Being politically correct is what we’ve been used to, what was drummed into us in scn. We’re now free, or should be, to let off steam and if the going gets a bit rough, so be it. We’re adults and I think we can take it. It can’t ever be as bad as what we’ve been used to “in the old days”.

      It is wrong to curb any of it.

      And let’s not be theatie wheatie about LRH. There are those who still need to cling to their illusions about him. There are those who know better and have looked at the dirt.

      Whatever it is, it’s being said. It’s in the open and it’s a darn side healthier than what we were allowed before! How 1.1 most of us were when we gritted our teeth and kept quiet. We don’t have to do this anymore or shouldn’t. We’re coming up the tone scale.

      Yes, there are many opposing views. Good, I say!

      Speak! Say it! It can’t be that bad. I, for one, do not want to be categorised in any way, eg, my pendulum is swing is to the left or to the right. That’s someone’s opinion and not necessarily mine – another label. It’s not necessarily true of anyone expressing opposing and/or strong views either right or left.

      I’m tired of protecting a certain person whose his image has been pumped up beyond all recognition. It reminds me of those communist dictators who have their enlarged photographs plastered all over city streets and buildings so no one is allowed to forget who is boss. There’s something not right about it, something very wrong about it being in your face all the time. That’s how it is in scn.

      The truth about Hubbard is out. It is known. Let it be known. Don’t make people wrong because they’ve confronted this truth. There are some who have lost their respect. Don’t judge them.

      Yes, we’ve agreed that some of the tech is workable. A lot of it is not and downright untrue, even dangerous.

      Many are not confronting the actual reality about who “our leader” actually was, what “our leader” actually did, that he was a hypocrite who didn’t even use his own “tech” to help himself; and was not honest on so very many levels. And I’m not talking about Miscavige. Let those who have confronted the ugly truth BE. Those who have gone that extra mile and looked, they need to voice their outrage, disapproval and disagreement, too. So much false information that it still being perpetuated.

      As much as the believers get all up in arms when confronted with things they do not wish to hear or know; so, too, can the non-believers feel when they witness what they deem is their blindness.

      Freedom of speech doesn’t allow for just the pretty speeches.

      • Someone on this blog, today, was quite rude and sarcastic to Chris – very patronising. A couple of people were upset about that. Chris is one of the most sincere and sane people around. His subjects and viewpoints are profound. And valuable. Yet, there were at least two harpies. There is a line in Knowledge Reports about an upstat group not allowing even a pinprick towards an upstat. Such people would jump on the nasty. That’s all that we were doing today.

        Let all speak and be heard.

    • “One of the first people I reached out to when I started my journey out promptly assigned me a condition of doubt and told me to let him know when I was done. ”

      Hee hee – I can just imagine your reaction to this! 😀

  8. Hi Chris. This is a really good article; I have enjoyed reading a lot of what you have written and also watching your vids. I have gone through pretty much everything you talk about with the exception of the data series which I never studied.

    The thing about something not just going away just because you spot the source: that took me a while. I found myself thinking one day – I had been feeling out of sorts and when I remembered what had caused it – I didn’t feel any better! My first thought was that I had spotted the wrong thing. It then hit me I was thinking with LRH’s ideas on this and I just laughed. Yes, I was disgruntled, I knew who made me feel that way and I was still pissed off with that person! I had a right to feel narked!

    Decompression is an interesting process. I also thought I was done and dusted within 3 months of starting the journey out…not so much. There are now times when I am thoroughly bored with the whole subject, and times when I want to scream at the insanity and abuse that people just accept. But I have NEVER, not even for ONE SECOND, regretted that I left.

    Life is indeed a whole lot better in all its variety, frustrations, joys, hurts, and just downright funny moments when you are thinking with your own mind and not trying to toe some imaginary line someone else has put there. The spiritual benefits are interesting as well, as I have opened myself up to new thoughts and ideas and working things out for myself. When I am asked what I believe now, I tell them and I always add “This is what I BELIEVE, not what I KNOW, because there is so much we don’t KNOW and that’s okay!” Finding out and trying to find out is what life is all about.

    • Draco, a great comment. I’m with you on all that you’ve said here.

      I’m fortunately in a position wherein no one gives a damn about what religion I’m affliated to and don’t even think to ask. I makes it easier for me to not be a Scio and to just be me.

      I always still have this tendency on this forum to acknowledge loyalty to at least some of its tech and, I suppose, there is nothing wrong with that. If some of it is still useful to me, I can have that. I also have a need to hasten that some of it, even most of it, has no sane use at all. I have a cold heart about it.

      For the most part, I have no desire at all to acknowledge scn. I’m gutvol (means, I’ve had a belly full) of Mr Hubbard and his pretensions. At first, my discoveries shocked and dumbfounded me. I’m over that now. I’m just glad that I found out and know and am no longer ignorant of it.

      Thanks to everyone who “came out” before us and gave us the good with the bad. That is truth, not just glossing over things and hanging on to old impressions because the truth is so uncomforable.

      Thanks to Chris, Marty, Mike, Jon Atack and a host of others who’ve been there, done that! And to you, Boggle, Dio and Draco, too; and The Oracle and Tony de Phillips and a whole lot more.

      The Thinkers, I call them. They work it all out and then share with us. Thank you so much!

  9. Reading racingintheblood’s angry comments towards me I see that he became involved in Scientology in 1971, while I became involved in 1970. Yet, we are in two very different places.
    Perhaps I have an unfair advantage. I left corporate Scientology in 1983, and was “off lines” and quietly backing away from corporate Scientology several years before that.
    During the early 1980s, I had the opportunity to talk to almost every former top person in Scientology. I could pick up the phone and speak with people such as David Mayo, Pam Kemp, Martin Samuels, 1960s “squirrel” Jack Horner, and even L. Ron Hubbard Jr. Some of these I later met in person.
    Then I became associated with a break away mission and began a productive year or so of intensive auditing, including auditing a new person who I audited daily for several months on everything from ARC strait wire, Dianetics, Lower Grades, some old abandoned 1950s processes, and even some NOTs.
    Having audited INSIDE corporate Scientology I wanted to see what it was like auditing OUTSIDE.
    Next, having access to many boxes of documents which had resulted from the issuing of the 1977 search warrants on Scientology properties in Washington, DC, and also Los Angeles – then released to the public in late 1979 – I took some time to thoroughly study these.
    And there were other projects.
    And long periods when I didn’t think about Scientology at all. Inevitably, though, Scientology would attack someone and they’d come to me for help, so I once again became involved.
    So, long before the popular Internet existed, I had done a pretty thorough examination of the subject.
    I Sympathize with racingintheblood. If he had had access to the people and documents which I did, I’ve a feeling we would now not be disagreeing.
    I do know one thing: It took me time to change my views.

      • Racingintheblood39, didn’t I see a comment of yours railing against invalidating others and making others wrong in agreement with something someone wrote?

        What’s this sarcasm towards Boggle when he makes a very good point? Mmmm….

      • Oluckyme, good4U2 So U love Boggle, more than me?
        I just hope he’s revealed himself to you (in the most appropriate way!)
        U2 definitely ‘fit’ together.

        I prefer more ‘adrenalin’ in my fix’es though. But thanks for the Mmmm!

      • Calvin, why do you constantly demand or taunt other people who chose to be anonymous reveal their ID? Not very becoming.


        Please, guys – this is enough now – you are way off topic and have started a war on this thread. No further bickering will be allowed on this thread. You are more than welcome to do so off this blog by e-mail, but this is not platform for personal tit-for-tat comments.

  10. “The truth about Hubbard is out. It is known. Let it be known. Don’t make people wrong because they’ve confronted this truth. There are some who have lost their respect. Don’t judge them.”

    Thank you for this, discoqueen.

    MODERATOR COMMENT: The rest of your comment has been redacted – we have sent you an email explaining why.

  11. Chris,

    Your essay is honest and intelligent. You have managed to verbalized the road many of us traveled. For that I thank you.

    We all came to Scientology to find something: freedom, spirituality, etc. none has found it. Instead, we found shackles and greed.

    It is time for us to go free.

    • Simplethetan, I agree. Succinctly put.

      The irony is that I (and most of us have admitted the same) found that freedom after I woke up.

      As for spirituality, I was always spiritual with some abilities that go with this. I have regained this former awareness.

      It’s difficult to use one’s spirituality, if “use” is the right word, when being hoodwinked and confused by so many lies and contradictions.

  12. Well, hello to you all, on a rather overcast and rainy Sunday, here in Durban & hello to Boggle too! 🙂

    Reading over the various comments, in a new unit of time, has clarified (for me, at least,)
    the views shared by Chris and also by Shelley. What I’m getting is a perception of at least two distinct camps, contributing here.

    On the one hand, those that feel they have been betrayed by LRH, and as a result, an ultimate rejection of the man himself, as being the primary cause of deception, chicanery, and falsehoods, essentially put in place for monetary exploitation, through a controlling pseudo church run by a heartless para-military labor force (Sea Org) according to the supreme orders of a conceited dictator. The ultimate outcome, here, appears to be that any earlier apparent gains, were of no lasting benefit, and that the subjects of Dn & Scn, be ditched in favor of many new alternatives now available in the ‘marketplace’, or simply moving on from the subjects, completely.

    On the other hand, there are those who are somewhat more forgiving, of the man himself, (LRH), and despite the unending scrutiny and exposing of his private and public life, somehow manage to look past the “considerable” misdeeds, in favor of the benefits that his teachings and arduously developed auditing tech and training could accomplish.

    Of course, there are also the extremists beyond these two ‘camps’, mentioned here, which could be considered fanatical by their views.

    Finally, as a closing question covering all of the above, doesn’t the “granting of beingness” have its place, as one of the most tolerant of all human virtues??

    — Calvin.

    • Grant beingness? After such dastardedly treachery? I don’t think so.

      Trust is a fragile thing. It runs very deep and once violated, it’s almost never regained.

      Grant beingness to a pretender of such magnitude?

      • Got that, aprilfool. The alternative, is holding onto it all, letting it literally eat you from within. Is any ‘pretender’ of ANY degree of magnitude, WORTH allowing them to do that to YOU?

        Then there’s that other little matter of 3rd pty, (dead agenting), malicious innuendo, carefully concealed crimes against an ‘accused’ , which evidently even lead to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

        It is interesting, don’t you think, that LRH and his entire family, were carefully isolated, and literally picked off, one by one, (divide & conquer)
        along with Broeker, Mayo, the entire Mission networks, the original bridge and training lineup, and anyone else who insisted on keeping things, according to the ‘standard’ line-up?

        Perhaps one needs to ‘unfix’ one’s attention a tad, sweep it a little wider, to see if there may actually be some ‘pretender of such magnitude’ actually active in PRESENT TIME?

        (check out Mike Rinder’s Blog on the latest post)

        april, you know as well as I — things aren’t always the way they’re made out to be. 😉

      • “Got that, aprilfool. The alternative, is holding onto it all, letting it literally eat you from within. Is any ‘pretender’ of ANY degree of magnitude, WORTH allowing them to do that to YOU?”

        racingintheblood39, you’re being condescending again. Does it come naturally?

        You’re assuming that I am “holding onto it all, letting it literally eat you from within.” This sounds like you. You’re the one holding on to something and unable to let it go.

      • April, thanks for the perpetuation. Did you know that your mask reveals more of you than you would like?. Though I understand it’s a mask clearly necessary, for your ‘purposes’.

  13. Moderator, re; the “war started on this thread”

    Firstly, I am responsible enough to admit to my contribution and involvement in that.

    Secondly, I believe I am not the only one here who feels very strongly about the criteria making up your moderation policy. I also note a number of interjections on your part, effecting the terms of ‘the mod policy” upon a few who saw fit to defy, and/or challenge your policy. I believe most of us posting here, are aware of the consequences of being PRIME INITIATORS of 1) condescending or 2) provocative comments

    So my question (pardon me), is: Why bother to go down that road. I feel these comments, do nothing at all to enhance your mission ethos ; “back IN comm.”

    IMHO, the common denominator behind these ad hominem attacks, stems from persons
    who are not yet rid of their abiding ‘fears’. All I have to say about that, is to repeat the famous words of Winston Churchill himself. ” The only thing to fear– is fear itself!”

    I know we all have/had very ‘justified’ reasons for hiding behind a non-de-plume, but can personally assure you, there is no greater feeling of liberation, when you finally decide to discard that disguise, or cloak, concealing your identity. Your BOLD self, THAT’s real freedom.

    Thanks for viewing,

    Calvin B. Duffield — Durban

    • Thanks for your input Calvin. Yes, the purpose of this blog certainly is getting people back in comm, but a platform for ad-hominem attacks on others it is not. You are out and able to use you own name, but there was a time you couldn’t yet – for whatever reason. Everyone is on the journey down the path of getting “out” and finally managing to unburden themselves of any further fears and one day being to reveal their identity. Some may never wish to do this – our job is not to challenge their reason for not wanting to reveal who they are. Our job is to provide a safe platform for everyone – UTR, using a pseudonym or not. They have the right not to be taken up because they are not yet willing to reveal who they are. One day they will, and we will welcome them with open arms into the sunlight. In the meantime, lets apply some decorum and manners and not engage in “baiting” each other into confrontational conversation.

      • Thank you for a most charitable response, nomdeplume. And btw, I have a total conviction, as you, that it is perfectly acceptable to contribute here, with meaningful, constructive contributions, whilst using a nom-de-plume.

        Where I have and do draw the line, (as I tried to emphasize above) is to sharply call to account, those commentors whose agenda/s clearly initiate snide, personal (ad-hominem) attacks. (while I do not have the opportunity to identify just ‘who’ that is, hiding behind a mask of anonymity) I confess to being totally disgusted by such cowardice, btw.

        Notwithstanding my / our collective “right/s to counter, or utter upon, the opinion of others”, I nevertheless am willing to ‘restrain’ myself from ‘giving as good as I get’ which is my ‘natural’ inclination. 😉

        When requested with such grace, decorum and manners, (ARC), as you have just done so splendidly, how could one not acquiesce to your good sense?? 🙂

        And I really appreciate the spirit you admin team manage to maintain. I’m sure it travels a long, long, way further, than you might imagine And really does set a benchmark for good old fashioned caring, too.

        Be assured of ALL the continued support you need from me, of course. 🙂

        Thank you again,


  14. Chris,
    I’m so proud of you even though we have never met. Sounds like you have a few people who want to drag you back in do to their own insecurities. This is your time to live and love and leave all that cult bullshit behind. It took balls to question the overt lies and…
    Point being, welcome to the world of the Wogs! Many never get the chance to start their life over.
    Best, Troy

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