My journey: RCS, Flag, GAT2 & final escape to freedom

Marie Louise

Our thanks to Marie-Louise for sharing her story with us. This is yet one more example of someone who reached for spiritual salvation they knew could be possible with correct application of LRH Technology but instead was chewed up and spat out by the group she trusted, supported and sacrificed much for.  What she went through in her quest is nothing short of astounding and we admire her tenacity and determination as she records events of what she went through and how she finally found her freedom.   


Marie-Louise Eckert’s Story

My story in the Church of Scientology started around September 2009 when I began experiencing strange spiritual sensations, what I now know to have been episodes of exteriorisation and ESP. In consequence, I started seeking something more, something spiritual, from my life.

Finding Dianetics & my introduction to the the Church of Scientology

One day, on leaving a doctor’s office after re-charging a prescription for anti-depressants, I was approached by someone selling Dianetics and bought a copy. I started reading the book and immediately knew that I was onto something big. I was so excited, but also panicked once I flipped through the pages and recognised the word ‘Scientology’. The only thing I knew about it was from the press – Tom Cruise was involved in it and the subject wasn’t exactly seen in the best light.

Nonetheless, I still wanted to know more about Dianetics, and soon someone from Joburg org invited me to a free session which I really wanted to do. At the time I was sick and still on anti-depressants, but I was nonetheless taken into session – 10pm at night, medicated, tired and feeling sick.

It says something for the tech that despite this auspicious start, the following weekend I attended the Dianetics Seminar and immediately signed up for the Dianetics Course on an evening schedule. In the midst of this course, staff member LS suggested I should rather do the Ups & Downs in Life Course, to which I agreed. She suggested this because I had expressed my family may have concerns about me being involved in Scientology.

Once I had finished the Ups & Downs course I still had problems with my family’s perception of Scientology so went to see the Ethics Officer (Angelo Ryan). However, the handling became totally overwhelming for me, not helped by the fact that LS was now trying to reg me for the Purification Rundown to get me off the anti-depressant drugs. I was still excited about Dianetics, which I knew was the answer to all of my mental issues, but I was now told I would not be able to get any auditing until the medication issue was handled.


Recruitment, Invalidation & confusion

One day Albert approached me at the org, extremely friendly, and gave me an in-depth briefing on how messed up the planet is with the three most profitable businesses being human trafficking, drugs and arms & ammunition. I was shocked. The solution, he said, was for me to join staff, something I was keen to do but still had some concerns about my family’s reaction to this level of involvement in Scientology. This was  to some degree resolved when course sup DR told me that one can still be part of their own faith (like Christianity) and a Scientologist because Scientology does not clash with other religions.

As a result, while now on the purif during November 2009 I was introduced to a friend’s ‘spiritual advisor’, and this meeting shook my stable data regarding Scientology, the issue of other religions and God.

Having no vaguest concept I’d done anything wrong, I was called by the HES (VW) who said that some VIP at the org wanted to see me. When I arrived at the org, I was introduced to Sandra de Beer.

During our meeting, I mentioned to Sandra about having seen my friend’s ‘spiritual advisor’. Sandra made me totally wrong for having done this, suggesting I had betrayed the group, was in Treason and not worthy to be part of Scientology. This spun me in and I was totally confused following DR’s advice that it was totally okay to be part of SCN and also other religions – yet here was Sandra giving me a totally different version.

In a state of complete enturbulation and upset, I was later that same evening called into another recruit meeting with Sandra and Albert. Immediately afterwards, I suffered a smash-and-grab while waiting at a traffic light – the first time I had ever suffered anything of that nature. I had no doubt in my mind it was the result of speaking to Sandra de Beer.

The recruit cycle continued but I had many questions, including the issue of staff pay and that I needed to give my current employer proper notice. Albert told me that “the pay was being worked on”, but I would probably earn about R5,000/month. Albert also told me that I should “play the religious card’ to get out of having to work in my notice, but I felt this was unethical. By end-November I signed a staff contract and gave notice at work to terminate end-January.

When I told my Aunt what I had done she was very concerned and described a friend who had committed suicide as a result of Scientology. She tearfully begged me not to join staff, so I capitulated and decided instead to do something else during the day and rather continue on course at night.

With having to deal with the falling apart of my reality, the smash and grab, leaving my job and having to move house at the same time I was very wobbly, and my Aunt sent me to Cape St Francis to just chill out and relax for a while. I explained this to Albert and he seemed to understand and was ok with this.

In February I attended an IAS event delivered by Jan Eastgate and regging began for an IAS donation. A staff member (Reg) proposed I buy a ‘double annual membership’ saying that “my flows would open” as a result and it would all come back to me. I pledged the money but told the reg I would have to make a plan to get the money. I was expecting a settlement from my previous work and also some inheritance money, and when this came through I planned to pay this to the IAS.

It was not all bad news: at this event I and my future 2D reconnected as friends and started a relationship three days later.

One night shortly after the IAS event, at about 9pm SO members SF and HE arrived unannounced at my house and told me I needed to pay for the memberships ASAP and suggested I phone a wealthy public (MC) and ask him to bridge the money while I waited for my money to come through. I did so, and he was not happy about it and told me this was against finance policy. He agreed to do this only after speaking to SF and HE. I never did “get all the money back” from opened flows.

With my new job and distance I now lived from the org, it was no longer possible to get to the org as frequently, and one day my 2D and I decided to do an Admin Scale after which we went into the org to get a Tech Estimate. My TE suggested Life Repair, I was regged by Albert to pay immediately.

My plan was to use an annuity shortly to be paid out. The registrar then phoned the insurer’s consultant and basically lied to get payment quicker. Albert’s attitude was that it was totally OK to lie as they were “just wogs” and didn’t understand the urgency. As it turned out, this was just the first of many such cycles where org “urgency” outweighed everything else, including what was going on in my life.

I had already noticed many outpoints at the org, but another now presented itself. Despite wanting the money so quickly, once they had it they couldn’t schedule me for session, and kept procrastinating. I finally commenced Life Repair auditing around April/May 2010. I was totally un-hatted as a PC: I got confused over the repetitive-stlye questions with the auditor asking me the same question over & over again, thinking I had maybe got the question wrong. I might have gotten more out of it if had I some hatting or training under my belt.


My first sojourn on staff

Recruit cycles recommenced with promises of pay being ‘around’ R5,000 per month which I thought was feasible and around June 2010, when I finally arrived on staff – now came the big shock. Before joining, Albert and everyone had love-bombed me with huge ARC but once I was on staff I was scarcely noticed or acknowledged. More outpoints were noticed: staff meetings were run in a militaristic fashion; realities were enforced on staff members; Albert ostracised the Tech Sec at the time.

But the worst was yet to come. The first week I went to fetch my pay-check it was only $5 (R50). There was just NO WAY I could survive on this. I was in total shock to the point where I started hyperventilating. The HES asked me what was wrong and when I told her, she brushed me off as if I was acting like a drama queen – she had no idea how serious this was for me.

I was invited to stay in the staff house at R50 a week – but even this was my whole pay for that week, so what was I supposed to eat and live on? Furthermore, Sandra lived there and my experiences with her already were not good. She enturbulated every comm cycle I had with her, and once she told me that that I elicit evaluation.

So against my own moral code, I moved into my 2D’s house with his parents, on whom I became totally dependent. This out-exchange on my behalf really upset me as it went against my own moral codes.

In September 2010 I was sent to the Sea-Org base in Midrand (Ezulwini) to be trained for the new Div6 Life Improvement Courses, but halfway through Albert and Sandra suddenly arrived at the base and said they were taking me back to the org immediately – Sandra would not even let me fetch my cell-phone charger such was their urgency.

I was taken back to the org and re-assigned as Bookstore Officer. I hated this post which consisted of doing call-in for events 90% of the time. A lot of time was also spent attending events, with Sundays spent on course. I immediately observed how ARC broken the public seemed to be and out of concern told Albert about my observation. Albert’s response was that this was ‘an enemy line’ and wanted to know where I got it from. He told me that if public were rude during call-in it was because they were out-ethics.

During my third month on staff,  I announced my intention to leave. As a handling I was C/S’d to redo the Ups & Downs course and PVI. In fact, I had an amazing win from these courses, with certain chronic pains I used to get now miraculously vanishing. This Technology is miraculous.

Despite doing the courses I still wanted to leave, and was told by the EO to ‘just hang in there’. In the end after going back and forth to HCO, I finally just walked out of the org and off the premises.


Ethics “handlings” and more recruiting

I was very keyed in and concerned about my eternity, and around this time I came across some data on Scientology on the web which I told my 2d about and was told that I could go onto the site but HCO would be asking questions. My viewpoint was that I had every right to look and see things for myself.

I was instructed by Sandra that if I didn’t return to the org for a handling I would be declared. I did so and Sandra routed me onto a very heavy recovery cycle with Sean Figuerao to get me back on staff. I have no idea why he was put onto this cycle as he was in South Africa as the Mission I/C for AOAF recruitment. This cycle was extremely uncomfortable: it seemed SF just could not get close enough to me and was practically sitting on top of me. Sandra then told me she had a program I had to do at the org.

The first step of the program Sandra gave me was word-clearing every ‘alternative’ spiritual book I had ever read (Reiki, etc). This proved impossible as I no longer owned the books, and by March the following year (2011) I was still incomplete on the program – by now trying to get through my Liability condition. I was extremely unhappy during this time but was willing to do anything because I really wanted to get my Objectives.

In April I started my Objective Processing on a full-time schedule. I co-audited my twin to completion, but when it was my turn she said she couldn’t maintain the schedule – and so I was left hanging incomplete on Objectives.

And then recruitment started to build for the GAT2 trainee team. All sorts of underhand tactics were used to trap me into recruit cycles. SF would say she “just wanted to speak to me” and notwithstanding assurances she wasn’t going to mention joining staff a recruit conversation would start the moment I arrived at the org. For weeks I was evaluated and invalidated. One example: David Lipsitz coolly informed me that I worshiped my bank. I finally capitulated to Robert Bokelmann’s charm and signed a contract to work on FDN staff as I was not willing to work with or under Albert or Sandra.

By this time I had found a job working at Carol Hogarth’s Art Gallery, and I was told that before I could go to Flag I had to complete my objectives so during the day I worked at the gallery and going to the org in the evenings. My job at the gallery did not go well – Carol was extremely enturbulating on my lines with frequent flying into rages and I would arrive at the org totally keyed in and enturbulated which affected my sessionability. Finally after 3 months I couldn’t handle Carol anymore and I resigned from my job around March 2012.

Despite taking up a new job, and one that I was enjoying, the org now insisted I arrive at Flag “immediately”. Again, Sandra in a fit of antagonism accused me of being a traitor to the group. So I again resigned my job and handled various other cycles by end-May 2012 so I could arrive at Flag, only to learn the org had neither booked nor paid for my air-ticket to Tampa. After a wasted month sitting around waiting for the org to get their act together, I was finally winging my way to Flag in June 2012.


My first Flag visit

My entire experience at Flag – the ‘friendliest place in the world’ – was a nightmare. I had been prepared for a stay of 8-12 months, but on arrival learned that some people had already been there for 2-3 years and not finished. With a life and 2D waiting for me back home, I immediately felt lied to and cheated. Other out-points about Flag (the friendliest place in the world):

  •  I had been told by the org not to worry about materials as these would be provided at Flag. However, when I got into the course room this was not so. I was required to have my own materials.
  • I was put on a work-study schedule to earn my board and lodging (the org did not have the funds to pay for this). This very heavy production schedule left little time for training: I had to clean two floors in the Sandcastle building at a pace of five minutes per room. After work I was so exhausted I could barely stand and then still had to run to catch the bus to the base and go on course.
  • Muster (multiple each day) was militaristic in nature.
  • The ‘handling’ by the OOT call-in unit was to make sure all my ruds were in – which did help – and coaching me not to tell the Ethics Officer I was being restimulated as that would mean I would have to be sent back home.
  • I was seriously out-ruds most of the time I was at Flag and studying under conditions of severe sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I lost a lot of weight during this time.
  • Many Sea Org members treated OOTs as if we were boot-camp recruits, ordering us around with zero affinity.
  • My laptop and cell phone were immediately confiscated, leaving me unable to communicate with home or the org. I did arrange via the Senior Intern Sup (a sweetheart) to call my 2D every day from the OOT call-in space, but in reality my tight schedule left little time for this. While many people only managed to speak to their loved ones weekly, I was determined not to allow this – but in consequence I ran myself ragged to make it happen.
  • I burst into tears at first sight of my miles-long TIP that I was expected to complete on a work-study schedule. Home never seemed further away.
  • I cried almost every night going to bed, and when I spoke to my 2D on the phone, I was constantly in grief.
  • Instead of completing me on Objectives which should have been the first cycle, I was routed onto the Student Hat while I waited for an Objectives twin.
  • When an Objectives twin was finally found, I couldn’t get into session as I was completely unsessionable and exhausted.
  • By this time I was spinning and pulling in weird pictures and so I sent a comm to the C/S about this. One day I walked out of the building onto the street without looking and was so out of PT that a motorbike almost drove into me.

As a result of all the above, I was routed to HCO and asked in a metered interview whether I was having suicidal thoughts. Despite answering no – that I was just getting strange pictures of being hit by a car or dying – I was immediately put under suicide security watch and taken off base. I was sent to an OT8’s house accompanied by a ‘minder’ 24/7, I now couldn’t sleep and became REALLY enturbulated.

My 2D then arranged for me to go and stay with a friend of his in Clearwater (a non-SCN) my ‘minder’ had to accompany me at all times and when this friend asked what was going on, the ‘minder’ lied to him about what was happening.

Flag then informed me I must arrange the money for my own air-ticket back to South Africa – and fly immediately (meaning the most expensive ticket price). Eventually I managed to loan the money from an Aunt of mine. If I waited two days I could get a cheaper flight, but the instruction from Flag was that I leave THAT DAY and so I had to get a more expensive ticket.  I was escorted to the airport and put on a flight back to South Africa.


Back to South Africa & Musical chairs

I arrived back in the country unemployed, in debt to my Aunt for the air-ticket, very angry, feeling like a total failure and that I had wasted my time.

Because of what had happened at Flag, they sent the org a program for me to complete: including finishing Objectives, doing the PTS/SP course and some other auditing actions – but still on staff. Once again I was left in a situation of trying to find a twin for Objectives while I got through the rest of the program.

I was told (not asked) by Bob Petrie (ED FDN) and Luke Byrnes (FR JBG) that I was going to be the new FDN Div6 Sup, and that I needed to be on a full day/night study schedule to get through my training before COB was expected to arrive in the country. I got the impression that they were scrambling to fill this post pending an inspection of the org by COB and that I would be returned to my auditor training later. (COB never did arrive for the Pretoria Ideal Org opening).

At the time, the thought occurred to me that it was a stat push and that they must be afraid of COB though I didn’t  understand why.

They didn’t care that this would cause a problem for me with my 2D’s mother who I was still freeloading off and the attitude was “find another place to stay”.  I moved out of her house and my 2D paid my rent to live elsewhere. I was now totally broke with no income and utterly reliant on my 2D for everything. And then to top it all, my car was written off in a hit and run (of course I didn’t have insurance because I couldn’t afford any!). None of my dynamics were important to management and the ONLY important activity was complying with “Command Intention”.

By now I was feeling trapped, and originated in session that I felt trapped in Scientology. Though I did not yet understand the difference, it was not Scientology: the Technology of LRH that I felt entrapped by, but the entity known as the Church of Scientology. Separating the two was a cognition yet to happen.

When COB did not come to South Africa, the Joburg org no longer needed a FDN Sup and I was put back onto my Flag program and Objectives. By this time, demand for GAT2 trainees was heating up and all orgs had to send their required trainee quotas. I was again chosen to be part of the GAT2 team. Instruction from Flag was that I do a write-up on how I was ‘feeling’ and when I did that I was told I could finish my program once I got to Flag. They said it would take round 12-16 weeks, and I was essentially emotionally blackmailed – by how much the Org had already spent on me – into agreeing to return to Flag. This was in April 2013.


My second Flag visit

Upon arrival at Flag, my TIP did not include my previous program (which I needed to do in order to qual). This was brushed aside with “don’t worry you can do it later”.

First thing I did was Objectives which I loved and completed. It had taken me three years of constant fighting to get through this step, but was amazing. I felt so good that this was the saving grace of Flag in my eyes.  The state I was in made things seem really good – when I didn’t have supervisors breathing down my neck – whereas previously I had felt Flag was one of the most horrible places I had ever been too.

When GAT2 started we were informed by the Deputy Captain Training that although many of us had been selected to be auditors we were rather going to be sups. He “sold” this to us by saying that we could train other sups and then become auditors – he said that anyone who countered this would be selfish because training sups was “the most important thing in the world”.  I felt betrayed by this as I thought I was going to be training as an auditor. I don’t agree with wasting years of peoples’ lives on training for something they didn’t want to do or be.

I then started the GAT2-version Student Hat, where I spotted some major outpoints:

  • The whole section on data assimilation was missing – which I felt was an outpoint and should have been in the course
  • Throughout the course there were “Revised by RTC” annotations, but no specifics given as to what had been revised, altered, removed or added. I spotted this as a Technical Degrade.
  • There was data that had been removed from the tape lectures.
  •  Having done the old Student Hat, and now the new GAT2 version, I started becoming suspicious about what else had been changed in the tech. My thought was “if they have changed this and removed these sections, then what else had they done to the rest of the Bridge?”

After the Student Hat I was routed onto Pro-TRs where I had a miserable time on CTP. I had still not completed the PTS/SP course and landed up in Isolation seven times while at Flag. Several people who told me that they hardly ever get sick also tended to get sick at Flag. I began to suspect that Flag was the Suppressor.

After Pro-TRs and Upper Indocs I started Pro-Metering. Studying came to an abrupt halt at this point as the GAT2 event took place. The launch of the super-duper e-meters meant everyone (including all students) were involved in regging and selling meters. When the new Superpower building opened I walked through it and found some of the “process instruments” very restimulating.

Worse was to come: After the event all students still on training were instructed they had to buy their own GAT2 materials AND new e-meter at a cost of $5,000 (R57,000). Robert Bokelmann regged the Duggans to donate e-meters for the South African trainees. I use a left-handed e-meter, and despite me emphasising this before the meters were bought, when the meters finally arrived there was no left-hand meter. I was sent from pillar to post trying to handle this problem and eventually the BSO brushed me off and told me to reg one myself as “there were none”.

Shortly thereafter the MAA informed me that my visa was about to expire and I had to return home. Oddly, OSA contradicted this and denied my visa was about to expire. The MAA simply said “that’s not the only reason we are sending you home”. She never elaborated on what the real reason was.

While this bounced between the MAA and Joburg Org, I completely lost focus on my metering course and GAT2 program. Luke Byrnes requested I remain at Flag while the MAA insisted I return to South Africa. This stalemate convinced me I wanted to go home so I spent all my time helping others with their drills – in the meantime nobody told me I was to stay (for now)!

When I resumed my own course my speed was seriously hampered by use of a right-handed meter with the result the Pro-Metering course took me four months.

One observation I made about the GAT2 sups: many of them were totally lacking in ARC and had no problem invalidating and evaluating students. We were evaluated for by being told our ethics was out if we didn’t make our targets and If we did not make our targets we would get punished by having to stay on course till 11pm.  I used to feel quite sick in the mornings before course not knowing which sup I would be confronting that day.

In February 2014 the MAA instructed me to leave base immediately. She then had me escorted out of the building and into a motel where once again I was under security watch for a month while Joburg Org was trying to raise the money for my airfare.

Just before returning to South Africa I had a few comm cycles with my 2D about outpoints I had observed at Flag and with the Church. He told me he had been noticing the same. Some of these outpoints were as follows:

  • Mr Miscavige announced on stage at the GAT2 event that all of the trainees were finished with their line up. This was a lie as I was part of a whole courseroom of trainees who were not finished. 
  • I had observed several OT8s in deep trouble, including one dying of cancer and four others more shaky than even any normal person would be.
  • Objectives aside, I hated the Flag environment – there was a constant feeling of fear and I was aware of the protests going on which meant we were not even allowed to leave the building when this happened. The MAA told us there is no reason to leave the building.  I was told by security that I could not call my 2D at a bus stop which was 50 feet away from the building!
  • I knew calls being made inside the building were monitored. Although I could hardly afford it, I bought a cellphone but then it was confiscated and we were only allowed to make calls 11:20-11:40pm  –  when everyone in South Africa is asleep.
  • I also observed three people at GAT2 training who were there at my first trip to Flag no longer sported wedding rings; eight people told me their 2Ds were falling apart or had already come to an end. 

After a month of Joburg making no progress on the airfare, the MAA arranged that I earn the money myself and stay with Flag public and ex-South African (Desiree Lotz) where she “hired me out” doing odd jobs for Scientologists like house cleaning, filing, gardening, babysitting and the like. These people paid DL who in turn gave me the money so I wasn’t “illegally working in the USA”.

Eventually I had enough to buy a ticket and I got back to South Africa at the end of May 2014.

My experience at Flag confirmed for me that something was seriously wrong in the Church.


Back to South Africa & a new reality

By the time I got back to South Africa I had an uneasy feeling and a knowingness that although Scientology was a good thing, it was not being applied at Flag nor in the org.

The biggest PR lie I have ever heard is “Flag is the friendliest place in the world”. They use beautiful videos, glossy magazines and MEST aesthetics to get you to think it so. But it’s a trap.

On arriving back in South Africa, I heard about the declares and that the Corbett’s story was on the Back-in-Comm blog. I insisted on seeing it for myself knowing full well what the consequences would be just for looking at it.

Everything on this blog confirmed what I had personally experienced and I felt such a huge relief – the charge just blew off me in chunks to the point where I started shaking.

Upon reading personal accounts on the blog, I had witnessed Sea Org staff going into similar valences at the org and thought “wow they are going into the valence of the Suppressor”.  I looked higher up at the org board to see who it was and saw Ken Krieger and his beingness and thought It could have come from him.  After the opening of the new Flag building I perceived a similar thing and a lot of fear at Flag especially when RTC was around.  I was lucky enough to watch a closed staff briefing by COB, the war is over event and heard of him throwing some water into an auditors face.  This got me ticking and I wondered if it was him.

I now know for sure that the Suppressor is Miscavige: the very person that I thought the world of turned out to be my SP and my PTS condition of four years is finally handled.

I still think that LRH is amazing and the Technology of Scientology is beyond anything I have ever experienced but I was done with the Church and I was never going back.

Today I am flourishing and prospering in all areas of my life. I have a wonderful 2D, a fantastic job and many friends. And now I actually have time to see my family over Christmas.

Life is good for me again, and I look forward to many adventures in the future

With Love,




74 thoughts on “My journey: RCS, Flag, GAT2 & final escape to freedom

  1. Wow. Sounds a bit like a movie script. Unbelievable. Well done for holding it together for so long and well done for having the guts to get out!!!

  2. Frankly Marie-Louise, I feel nothing but admiration for you!
    I have virtually heard your story or one similar to it and lived it myself so many times now, Im loosing count.
    I found it very interesting how the wins of past auditing and training came in on me after recognizing how squirell and suppressive the church has become.
    But the fact that as a new Scientologist you can recognize the workability of the tech as opposed to what the church has become and not a=a with it, is very impressive to me.
    The tech is amazing, as you have experienced, there are so many wins ahead of you, I hope you get yourself a good Independent Auditor and get yourself trained.
    Its interesting that what has become a suppressive group is still using a technology, even though it gets altered, that can still give a being wins, and they use this to justify all manner of overts, if they bother to justify at all in their bulldozing of someones dynamics.
    Congratulations on Flourishing and Prospering!

    • Thank you 4a. Yes it is interesting that you get more from your wins outside of the Church because suppression denies you your gains. Am glad that I was able to see the wood for the Trees and not a=a as you said. . If I had only been allowed to look on the Internet without the “Oh no, you shouldn’t look at such entheta” line I would have cognited more quickly but at the same time it was a very valuable experience that helped me gain more reality on the anatomy of traps. You say I should find a good Independent auditor? Could you email me about that?
      (MODERATOR COMMENT: We will send Marie-Louise’s email address to you, 4a)

  3. Wonderful post. David Misgewas (not a spelling mistake) is a nutcase. When I returned to flag in 1986 I noticed how off policy they were and how unfriendly they could be. Having worked with LRH in the past, they could not upset my stable data, try as they may, even attacking me. I eventually just gave them the finger. My wife and family were more important than anything flag could give me.

    Such an organisation of lunatics is bound to fail.

    • Hi Travers. Well done on keeping your integrity in like that. Family is important. So nice to be able to spend more time with my 2D now.

  4. Good soul! Marie free – free at last blerrie well done!

    Your story had my hair standing on its roots! I think I may have been there in my final attempt on staff. My last effort before I finally threw the towel down in disgust. I see you carried on for a few more rounds in DM’s ring of brimstone! You made it out, very nicely done in the end!

    What really grabbed my attention was your flag trainee experiences. I nearly went twice. First time back in the mid 90’s when I was a pup. Next attempt several years ago. I really wanted to go. Thought I would be getting the best of the best training, become all I could be etc. Never happened, praise Jesus! Wouldve cost me my 2D, kids and sanity, no DOUBT!! (Thanks wife, I owe you big time!) Now I understand ever more that flag is merely a boot camp used as a free labour pool whose end product is a well and unhappy DM zealot!

    My poor sister comes to mind. Flag trained useless GAT1 class4 Sup. Useless because her certs are now invalid. No GAT 2 update re-education. The hell she went through prior, during and after for her org and country, all for naught! Her brother and SP (enjoying the free air and OT levels outside the church nogal) mustve rocked her world yet still she stays! Last I heard shes on a special schedule hasnt seen the course room from behind the sup’s lense in years, again what a waste of resources and time. This lady is a born artist yet still she languishes in Joburg org because she has no other choice!! GRrrrrrrrrr!!!

    Albert, Sandra, Lipshits and the rest of those people are nothing but thugs! DM’s thugs! I dont hate them, I would just like to see them locked in chains while their feet get tickled for a few years consistently. Thats it.

    I swear the day the church breaks I will declare that my freedom day!!

    • Hi Sheeplebane. Am very curious to know who you are now. The reason I was able to endure it one more round was simply through finishing my Objectives. Your wife is a smart lady. Glad you didn’t go again since if you had come with me you would have had to share a room with 12 other OOTs. I hope your sister cognites soon.

      Editor Comment: Marie-Louise has requested we send you her email address – this is on the way to you.

      • Sure no problemo! Our network grows as the churches contracts! Soon the clamour for justice and restitution will be hollered out as a roar of many. Hear that DM and OSA? SP’s are coming for you! You’ve lost.

  5. Thanks for sharing the story Marie-Louise. The outpoints you mention are so flagrant it was comical . Unbelievable! I knew things would only get worse but I had no idea. Forcing a left handed person with a right handed meter through training?


    The whole section on data assimilation was missing – which I felt was an outpoint and should have been in the course

    Throughout the course there were “Revised by RTC” annotations, but no specifics given as to what had been revised, altered, removed or added. I spotted this as a Technical Degrade.


    Anyway, glad to hear you pulled it all back together and are doing well. May your future curiosities lead you to kinder and more gentle winds and forces.

  6. Marie-Louise, I am virtually speechless after reading your story. You deserve a lot of credit in so many ways. Thanks very much for writing this and letting the truth be known.

      • Marie-Louise, I hope it was clear that I thought your reply to me was charming. 🙂

        I also wanted to say that Tony D, articulated exactly how I felt when reading your blog post – which is that no matter how many times we’ve heard about such things, it doesn’t get easier to hear them again. But they need to be said.

        In my case, although my own experiences at Flag weren’t nearly as bad as yours, I witnessed the same kinds of things you wrote about when I was there in the early 2000’s. To think this has continued for all these years is just staggering.

        So glad you got out when you did. For some of us it took a lot longer to wise up. Well done, my dear!

  7. Well done for confronting making this story public, Marie-Louise. I can only imagine how difficult it is to put it out there. I wonder how unusual your story is? I have some acquaintance with ‘DR’ who I assume must also have been at Flag with you. He’s done three trips to Flag for auditor (read: Sup) training. Like you, he was off-loaded both his first two trips (and also made to borrow the money for his return airfare), the second time arriving back looking exceedingly rattled. The third time he returned and immediately got divorced. Aah those good-looking Flag girls!

    • Debbie, this is exactly the thing that amazes me. It’s almost like people WANT to be punished by returning for more and more abuse from the Church.

      I remember when DR left staff after completing his last contract – Sandra de Beer made it her personal mission to annihilate him – she forbade him from coming onto org premises and told me that I had to kick him off the 2010 Arts Festival Committee as he was in Treason to the org. When I explained this to him, he was livid and told me that he had completed his contract and had informed the org he would not be re-signing as he had to get a job to support his wife and their daughter (his mother-in-law had been supporting the family while he was on staff).

      Sandra also nattered about DR’s mother-in-law being the “why” behind him leaving staff by putting pressure on him to wear his husband hat. I wonder if this lady would have been so willing to pay for Sandra’s heart operation if she knew how Sandra and Albert used to natter about her? (I heard this operation cost in excess of R85,000).

      • Is there ANYONE Sandra and Albert don’t natter about? That’s one little bit of LRH’s tech that seems to be well and truly ditched. I wasn’t being entirely facetious when I mentioned the ‘good looking Flag girls’ – I was stunned when DR said he was rejoining staff but the light came on when he said it was for Flag GAT2 training. When you’re a young man, hormones raging, and surrounded by stunning looking Italian and Russian girls – that’s man-paradise! Maybe even enough to forget the price you later pay.

    • Thank you Debbie. It gives me nothing but pleasure to finally after a build up of three years to say. I DISAGREE. I know what you mean about the flag girls. They are beautiful. I have to say that I never saw DR flirting or even really talking to anyone that I can remember, by the things he told me he thinks the world of his wife. I suspect the church may be the reason for the divorce.

  8. The story by Marie- Louise that so vividly brings the reader into the current icy, empty, loveless atmosphere of Scientology organizations made me think once again; at what point did things change and why. To make my point let me begin at the day the taxi dropped me at the front gate of St Hill Manor in January 1963. All was hushed by a thick layer of snow and mist. An inexplicable thrill ran down my spine. As I followed the signs showing the way to reception I was overcome by awe, excitement and anticipation of what I imagined to be the greatest possible adventure anyone can possible embark on. In short as far as I was concerned I had arrived in Nirvana.

    And as it turned out for the following several years, while completing my SHSBC, class 7 course and filling several posts on staff at St Hill, it really was heaven – really. The empathy, love, caring and respect between staff and students spilled over right into the town of East Grinstead. In a way the space occupied by St Hill and the town reminded me of the movie; Brigadoon, an idyllic place isolated from the “real world” by magic. I know I speak for many others as well when I say we had no desire to be anywhere else.

    At some point however, the Sea Org was born and off to sea a whole bunch of us went. And as far as I was concerned the first couple of years were amazing albeit different. My views on that period is covered in my story; Birth of the Sea Org.

    Anyway, then came the day I walked back onto the Apollo after a period of absence, during which most time was spent in the expansion of Europe. Here is the thing, compared to the first time I walked through the gates of St Hill back in 1963 to being back on Flag in the early 70’s I experienced the exact opposite. I entered a cold, unfriendly place with an atmosphere filled with fear and suspicion. All credit to my instincts; this may have been only the tip of the iceberg of things to come, but all the signs of the coming “winter” were already there. For many years I had been close enough to “the source” of developments in Scientology to know that summer had come and gone and winter was upon us. That is when I decided to move on.

    Now quite frankly, I can’t say in all honesty what exactly happened and when actual ideal circumstances changed into the hell described by Marie- Louise. However, I still ponder on the matter from time to time.

    Joe van Staden.

    • Joe, if you have any ideas as to what occurred to cause such a drastic change, it might help resolve some of the mystery a lot of us are in. Please say what you can, IF you don’t mind.

      • MODERATOR COMMENT: Marildi, if you look through previous articles on this blog, you will find a number of articles by Joe – the data you’re asking for is covered in these. Two in particular are “Birth of the Sea Org” and “Joe Van Staden speaks of LRH”

  9. Thank you Marie-Louise for sharing your story!

    Well done for getting out of the Churches clutches
    so quickly as so many of us had been blind, deaf and
    dumb for 20 years plus!

    You really do De PTS once you have the courage to disconnect
    and experience such relief.

    Continue to do well and there is a standard Bridge waiting for
    you in the Independent Field and out here you really do know
    who your real friends are and their true motives being seeing
    you expand across your dynamics.

    I expect now you have come out from under the radar you
    will be getting your SP declare or as we in the Indie field say
    your Special Badge of Honor!

    • Hi Goldie. I know what you mean about the dePTSing once you disconnect. Was such a relief. Huge! I actually feel I need to have a party to celebrate my declare as a Special Person. Maybe I will celebrate every year like my birthday and call it My Freedom day.

  10. “In April I started my Objective Processing on a full-time schedule. I co-audited my twin to completion, but when it was my turn she said she couldn’t maintain the schedule – and so I was left hanging incomplete on Objectives.”
    Another little bit of tech dropped out with massive consequences. Whatever happened to twins doing drills on a turnaround basis. Surely it is meant to avoid precisely this out-exchange?

    • Maybe the twin with no money gets to complete the twin with money in one haul so that the twin with money can be signed up for the next service faster?

      • Good point, DollarM. This was going on all the time at Joburg Org. One person would deliver, and when it came to their turn, suddenly they were left high & dry – I know of people who were sitting stuck on Objectives and CTP Pro-TR’s sections for over 7 years because of twins reneging on putting their exchange in.

        As you said – all money driven…………… Once they have the money, the idea of actually delivering the service properly is just a vague concept not to be taken seriously. They will leave you in this state until they need more money from you, so you mention that you’ve been waiting for years to finish whatever and suddenly they will promise the earth – you pay the money, and still you sit.

        Joburg Org had in excess of R3 Million in undelivered services in 2011. And they wonder why they have an ARCx field?

      • Hi DollarMorgue. I think that came across incorrectly. Me and my twin were taking turns auditing each other but when she got through she stopped. Towards the end I remember Albert saying to me that I could take her in on 6 hours sleep even though that was less than what she was normally used to to be sessionable because if she got through than her 2D GG would be paying for her whole training line-up.

  11. Marie-Louise,

    I really did enjoy reading your story, you have shown that you are made of tougher stuff and have the ability to actually see situations for what they really are. This is a rare trait in humans.
    “My story in the Church of Scientology started around September 2009 when I began experiencing strange spiritual sensations, what I now know to have been episodes of exteriorisation and ESP. In consequence, I started seeking something more, something spiritual, from my life.”
    My scientology experience,this lifetime, began due to similar circumstances twenty five years ago. There is much truth within scientology and also outside of it, don’t shut out other spiritual pursuits as you may be short-changing yourself on finding,experiencing and developing those strange spiritual sensations.
    Congratulations on moving through the “church” thing and becoming free to practice and pursue the many other approaches to spirituality.

    Well Done!

    • Hi Old Timer. Thank you for letting me know. Its good to know that I am free to pursue those things and have freedom of choice. Can I ask what spiritual sensations you experienced?

  12. Marie-Louise, thank you for sharing your story, you always were such a sweet person and to learn the extent of what you went through breaks my heart. I have to say, to hear that you and your 2d have joined the outside world brings a huge smile to my face as Daniel and I thought the world of you both. Surely there would be next to no-one left?

    Here’s to flourishing and prospering!!


    • Aaaaah. Thank you for the compliment Teresa. Me and D are fond of the both of you as well. You getting out also helped to plant the little seeds that we needed to eventually cognite. Yes and Cheers to freedom. What a relief! Well done to you and Daniel for taking the leap and on flourishing and prospering yourself.

  13. Marie-Louise, thank you for sharing your incredible story, in such a detailed way!!
    And not forgetting the good things too. The reason abuses like these continue is because people were silenced by FEAR and intimidation. But no more!
    Welcome to the light of day and to freedom! Enjoy!
    It will keep getting better!

  14. So sorry to read your story. When you said you first ran into Scn in 2000, I just thought, “How sad.” The rest of your story confirmed it. A good Scn and auditor would take you into session and do your life repair, making it a life-purpose priority to run your objectives. They would encourage you to read books – at your pace – word-clear you, check you out on understanding by asking what you got from it, your thoughts, questions, etc., and help you get stabilized (sounds like that wouldn’t be hard in your case) and happy with your regular job for money while doing some study at night. “Gradient” seems to be foreign to many Scns, somehow. And they’d be sure you were in good with your family and friends. The principal thing is that YOUR concerns would be handled using the correct tech. The simplicity is that a good Scn HAS already, has time, has attention, has understanding, in sufficient quantity to be leaned on, and doesn’t need to take. The big exchange is seeing someone do well. Something like that. “Ask not what your PC can do for you, ask what you can do for your PC.”

    Scientology is great tech, and so is Dianetics. Before the 1980’s – really, before the mid 1970’s, one could get good tech at orgs. But as you pointed out, organizational ethics and personal ethics are NOT the same thing at all. By the 1980’s, what you observed had already become a common practice – people on post who didn’t know the post, didn’t have the hat, issued cross-orders, threw stuff in of their own, did not understand and (I cringe to put it this way) did not get product. I.e. Students were not trained, PC’s were not audited. It is enough to make you want to cry.

    You got the right idea, right off. With more people like you, I’m sure there would be (inevitable) mistakes, but orgs would be productive and stable, not mayhem I’m amazed (maybe I shouldn’t be) you made it through all you did. Your personal ethics must be really something! Keep them! Scn is, imo, all about developing and strengthening personal ethics. I am still sorry you did not run into Scn way earlier than you did, but hook up with people you like outside the Co$, and I think you may find that Scn is everything you know it can be when in the right hands, with the right intentions and understanding.

    I would like to say “You came to the right place,” but we outcasts from the Co$ don’t really have much of a place! So welcome to the free world. We’ll build it.

  15. Hi Marie-Louise ,

    That’s an incredible story indeed ; thanks for sharing it with us. You are truly amazing !

    I’ve never seen anybody before get so much reality in Scientology in so short a time span. All that bad experience and yet, you never lost faith, you never surrenderd. Your great integrity and obvious ability to look for yourself and think for yourself, got you to see the truth in 1/20th of the time that it took most of us old-timers. My hat off to you dear.

    You are truly a big thetan and that gains and wins that are expecting you by going of the Standard Bridge with standard terminals are beyond your wildest imagination. Success in your new path.


  16. Thank you very much for speaking out and for your detailed report, Marie-Louise.
    Your (knowledge-)report is clearly structured and easy to read (what is not so easy to do when one is describing the insanity and abuse). It communicates perfectly.

    The mistreatment of good willing people again and again is unbelievable but yet so typical.
    The cycle is love bombing, deceit and lies, mistreatment and make wrong, threat and abuse (it was also already aptly called ‘mental rape’). The mental (and physical) abuse in the RCS goes on and on, parallel to all the hype about being all “humanitarian”. They reached ‘Ideal Hypocrisy’ in the cult. They are more on the way to mess up and to destroy people for ‘the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics’ and for ‘Command Intention’.

    So good you are out of that abusive entheta hole and able to live a decent, happy life again.
    One really knows what is freedom when one manged to escape the trap.

    • Thetaclear you bring topics to bear that are VERY heavy(no too heavy I cant lift a smartphone) on my mind!

      What happened to the church, the sociopath who runs it and the puposeful alter is of the tech is not some random effect. It was made to happen. Yes there is a war going on, seen and unseen depending on varied perceptions of course. That all is not well is now obvious to most. The biggest threat to spiritual awakening is the tech correctly applied. Yes there is other tech but I personally know not if it has as much applicability of codified effect as LRH’s brand. Real OT’s made according to the deffinitions would be VERY dangerous to evil men. However 20 real OT’s vs 5 billion implanted souls is not a winning formula. Not by a long shot. The church hasnt made any real OT’s ever. Perhaps some real pre-OT’s but not since the early 80’s. Since that time DM has fiddled and corrupted the upper bridge with his monkey wrench! You can ruin beings with incorrect, altered advanced levels!

      But there is hope yet still. The tide is turning, people are waking up inside and outside the church. Many know of the global secretive control agendas involving banking, big pharma and war mongering!

      We owe it to ourselves to finish what we came into Scn for in the first place. Yes we were betrayed yet again (trillionth time and counting) but so what? Getting out of the matrix trap was eons in the making, you think it was easier to leave the mob? Try getting out of the MEST universe someday. Easier to play along, buy that house, get that job, dip your wick- but dont try leaving! The church is so MEST that mention the word leave and they all go NUTS!

      This universe is designed to keep all of us here against our will. They used implants, force and impact so large it makes Horishima seem like a balloon pop to put us where we are today.

      I for one say no. No to all of these dramatisations, no to jail wardens like DM and his kind.

      We can and will win. I wanna play games with more fun, less gun and without having to kiss another bad mans bum!!

      There, I’m done. 😉

      • Dear Sheeplebane,

        Thanks for the comm.

        I am sorry if I gave you a headache with my post.

        Actually I have the same thoughts that you have in the matter. I can’t find anything in your post I disagree with. Unless I am mistaken, I think that I pretty much explained myself in that same line of thought of yours.

        Where we only differ are two points :

        1. That 20 real OTs can’t handle 5 billion. Not really so. In the first place ,we never ever had any real OTs per def in the 80s. People doing old OT IV-VII were not even close to an state of Theta Clear as produced in the ’52s-’55s , let alone to a “Cleared Theta Cleared”. After the late 50s , all you got was a big, damn undercut of everything. Many of us were able to handle the upper level stuff and got terrible bored with all that and lost interest.

        Then Ron took us back to some really upper stuff with the handling of GPMs, implanted and your actual ones, in the SHSBC. No body could ever understand such methods, just a very few fortunates. By the 6-8 GPM you got someone really powerful. Then it all got undercut again cause auditors were not able to fully duplicate LRH. You find only a very small part of it on the alternate Clear Route and a level I won’t mention here to not hint at any confidential stuff.

        You got then Original OT IV-VII. Something was interfering with it. NOTs was created as an undercut to it. Undercuts and more undercuts. I really got tired of them.

        Believe me , a “Cleared Theta Clear” is beyond IX and X. Get me 20 of those guys and I’ll take this planet in no time. Unfortunately, they were unstable and probably they got hung up in the unhandled NOTs case. I have no idea where to find any. But I do know how to bring them about. Not your typical material for this blog though.

        2. If enough people don’t start doing upper levels now, to then do original IV-VII to then do “the program” that will fully get them to “Cleared Theta Clear” , this planet will get very ugly in less than 10 years , I guarantee you that. I am not trying to be a “Chaos Merchant” here, believe me, I am only trying to wake people up. You could say that I have very unique gifts relating to the future. Some will listen and wonder, the majority will not. It has always been that way.

        Just get you guys up to solo-NOTs as fast as you can, which is very affordable in the Field. Very doable. Get yourself into Original IV-VII, forget about the perverted New OT VIII (Sorry OT VIIIs) , and do the Standard SOP-8C (or improved versions) , SOP 8-0 , and the full Route one. At that case level, any “creative processing” is not a problem at all but rather a necesity. All of them are “drills” that will familiarize you with your true potentials and OTism. W/out the NOTs case, it is easy and smooth. And very fun too.

        The time frame for all of that is only 3-4 years if you really work at it and under $30,000 in most cases, why waste time in it. If you are Clear, you can get from Solo 1 to being a Solo-NOTs auditor under 6 months probably depending on your training level and your study speed. Then you really work on your Solo-NOTs daily with the suggested daily sessions. Let’s say that it take you 2 years to complete it. That’s 2 and a half years. Then the rest combined are shorter actions than Solo-NOTs depending on the case.

        So the only real barriers to attainment is case itself and Out-Tech in its various forms. I can only point out to the future I perceive. The rest is really up to you guys.

        ARC PETER

      • Dear Peter,

        Even if you disagreed hole heartedly it would never feel like a bad thing coming from you. Admiration for a master and old timer like yourself shines through on every particle you emit – salute! 🙂

        Now regarding OT’s.. to clarify my position on that item shall we. As appealing as it is for 20 theta clear thetans to solve it somehow wont work in my opinion. It needs lots of clearing and training done wholesale! Its the individual that counts. Simply knocking out the MEST universe, pulling the plug is simply not possible. It has to be slowly disentangled gradiently. Not unlike unwrapping the taught elastic found in golf balls without breaking each strand.

        Now having done the alternative route to clear which took some time, was a blast BTW, I really duplicated the nature of GPM’s. If I didnt I would still be digging that ditch now. The problem with how the church does it is very incomplete. Cant say any more on that but I will say going past it without fully handling these buggers leaves church OT’s with chronic ailments galore! I know poor chaps with gout, arthritis and other auto immune conditions running rampant due to this gross out tech!

        Again, do it propper or dont do it at all. If you get worse, made broke or forced to disconnect with those you love – its the wrong path! Dont blame the church, LRH or anyone else, get help. The indies can and will help. Just ask!

        Lastly to Peter, you didnt give me a headache mate, was being fascetious is all. You were really getting my juices flowing – thanks again! 🙂 🙂

      • Dear Sheeplebane,

        Thanks so much for your validation and kind words.

        I too, enjoy your posts very much.

        I got your all your points , thank you.

        Yes, really duplicating the GMPs materials helps a lot. I am glad you had that experience.

        Take care.

        ARC TC

  17. Marie – Louise, as a father of two daughters, one instinctively reacts in revulsion, when reading what you were put through. Thank God you managed to escape the nightmare when you did! Our hearts really feel for you.

    In the late seventies, my wife, who was already a class V NED staff auditor (the first in Durban), was approached to join the SO. The ‘contract’ was to involve a year of ‘training’ at Flag, following which she would return to Durbs, “with the necessary ‘Flag’ level of competence.”

    Filled with the euphoria and excitement of “having a year of auditor training at The Mecca of Scientology, FLAG”, subsequent to her being spun the most utterly convincing zealous, PR. my wife came home to discuss the proposition with me.

    (Up to that time, I was (still am) a fervent fan of the tech, and fully supportive of my wife and her auditor training. Though when she came home that night, something was amiss. Most decidedly amiss. )

    Never mind the fact that this would involve me having to find after care for our kids, ( I had my full time day job to attend to), I was now expected to go along with seeing my kids separated from their mom! (this would have literally torn them apart as we all meant the world to each other.) She was now acting completely out of character, almost in a hypnotized alter ego. Little did I know then, of the ‘dark side’ of this ‘SEA’ Organization.

    Anyway, longer story short, I put my foot down!! It was NOT going to happen! (And made sure it didn’t! But I’ll spare the details!) Something ‘sinister’, had entered my religion, and was flying directly in the face of ‘optimum survival across the Dynamics’! I didn’t like, COULDN’T like, what this “Sea Org” was prepared to do to a loving, integrated family!

    Looking back today, thank GOD I got that one right! We finally quit in the late 80’s, when DM’s robots began hassling and hounding us, with insane, non stop demands for outrageous sums of money, and equally outrageous, anti-social ‘ethics conditions’, effectively turning us all against the CO$. As a result, my kids want nothing do do with the movement (CO$) today, and after what they witnessed, I can’t say I blame them.

    Well, for us at least, thankfully that’s now over and all just water under the bridge, and we have moved on. But today, it’s wonderful to see a return to the original tenets and values that made Scientology so successful and filled with fun as it was in those earlier days.

    It’s up to us, who have recovered from that nightmare, to be there, supporting and encouraging those who are just now escaping from DM’s Chamber of Horror$.

    The real POWER of Scientology, is that it can FIX what is wrong in Scientology!

    – best, Calvin.

    see RED with horns and gnashing teeth

  18. Marie Louise,
    Wow, what a story quite close to present time. Evidence that things are getting worse and worse, the church literally circling the drain. Thank you very much for sharing and welcome in
    the Indie field.
    What reverberated with me was your mention of the actions of Albert de Beer. We were on the ‘RPF’, better called GCT (Gold Construction Team) in 1985 at GOLD and I remembered him as a
    likeable fellow. This correction cycle obviously did NOT handle Albert for him to stoop as low as he did!

    You will be able to do the Bridge properly in the field and at a fraction of what the ‘church’ rips you off for, and I wish you all the very best!

  19. I know someone who was also there for GAT2, they had exactly the same experience of being told they were going there for auditor training only to arrive and be told they were to be trained as a supervisor. I also heard about the cell phone confiscations but my friend kept theirs hidden as it was the only way to stay in contact with the outside world. Apparently this extended to keeping it hidden from room mates in case they reported it – Hitler Youth in action!
    The mad thing is that despite the horrors they are still in, there is just no understanding people.

  20. Thank you for writing up your story, Marie-Louise. It’s great that you’re out of the CoS and recovered from your experience. A few months short of five years on staff and the most you got was Objectives? That’s just incredible! You didn’t mention a freeloader bill, but I bet they gave you one of those, LOL!

  21. Thanks for sharing your story Marie-Louise.
    As others have said, I have heard similar stories too many times and it never gets any easier to listen to them. These are peoples lives that they are playing with and it is truly sickening to see what this group does to people.
    The really odd thing is that if they weren’t so busy “trying to get their stats up” and they simply cared for people they could have helped you. All they had to do is to encourage you to keep working and stabilize your dynamics, let you do the courses and auditing that you wanted to do and ultimately won with. This could have been so easy and probably very exciting and pleasant even. But..NO…they had to use and abuse you and introvert you at every turn to try and appease some asshole way up high. They are so afraid, that they would rather destroy innocent peoples lives just to appease that fear.

    I am so glad that you made it out and you are now doing good. Keep up the good work and don’t let others make your decisions for you anymore okay??

  22. Wow Marie-Louise,

    I stand in awe of your past 5 years.

    As a 40 year member, former staff and OT V in 2005, I too had to cross all the difficult “emotional” bridges you did…. For me, it was a gradual understanding from 2005 to 2010 of what was really going on. I am sure there IS such a thing as an SP and David Miscavige is one of them. Too bad he is in charge of Scientology.

    The internet has made it possible for us X or Indie or whatever “Scientologists” to both “see” what is going on in the Radical Church of Scientology (RCS) and to communicate with each other about it…..

    Thanks so much for communicating your story here on BIC. Your story will live on and will help others, I am sure.

    In the 1839 play about Cardinal Richelieu this sentence was coined: “The pen is mightier than the sword.”

    You wield a very sharp sword Marie-Louise. Very sharp indeed.

  23. Marie-Louise.

    To bad you never got your Book One Auditing. Thats why you came in the door.
    Instead all you got was rass-a-ma-tas.

    Good on you right now.

  24. Dear Marie Louise, I am so glad that reading our story helped you make your move out of the suppression of the church and especially the clutches of our good friend Sandra. By being such a bitch she really does do us a favour as more and more people cognite that she is an SP and fully in COB’s valence. You certainly had tenacity in your quest for the tech, with such persistence I am sure you will now find your route to OT using true LRH tech and not the bastardized version that they use inside the bubble.
    Good luck and happy journey.
    Love Ernest and Gaye

  25. WOW, WOW, WOW!!!

    Marie-Louise your story is very sad but I am so very glad it has a happy ending.

    After reading your story Bob Marley’s song popped up in my head.

    You got up and stood up for your rights after your gruelling experience you came out the VICTOR and the CO$ the loser because they did not break you, they did not shake your believe in the Tech and this makes me shout, HALLELUJA, AMEN and all that good stuff.

    Here’s to the CO$

    “We’re sick and tired of ism and skism game”.

    “You can fool some people sometimes
    But you can’t fool all the people all the time
    So now we see the light”

    Well Done Sister!

    What ja say all ja good folk who comment and read this blog we send Marie-Louise real love bombs, she deserves it.

  26. Well done on surviving. May you have much fun and laughter in moving up the bridge from this point. Keep learning. Love David

  27. Thanks for telling your story, Marie-Louise! It is of particular interest because it’s all about what’s happening currently. Often people only tell their stories after many years out.

    In particular, I was interested in hearing about the GAT2 training. This comment of yours really hit home with me: “Throughout the course there were “Revised by RTC” annotations, but no specifics given as to what had been revised, altered, removed or added.” This is important, because in the past, DM has always tried to cover his tracks by pretending to unearth some or other hidden “LRH data” – supposedly the real thing. Now he is becoming quite blatant about the fact that RTC (AKA DM) is making changes. This really flies into the teeth of what KSW is all about and demonstrates his power of his “flock”. People accept this, DESPITE reading KSW1 and Tech Degrades at the beginning of every single course.

    This makes me wonder – what really keeps people turning a blind eye to these violations? I know some are kept in because of family or livelihood connections. But I am talking about those folk that go in FREELY, do the courses, read the changes made to the tech, and just carry on singing the praises of the fuckwit running the show!! I cannot understand this. It is easy enough to simply fade away if you are frightened of disconnection and such – so many are doing it – org staff simply accept it as the way things are now.

    So what REALLY keeps them going back for more?

    I would be interested in getting more up to date info re GAT2 – most of us out here left long before it came out. What you have told here is interesting – fodder for a future article with more details perhaps?

    • “So what REALLY keeps them going back for more? ”

      It is just the drama of implanted religious mania , Draco. This planet is full of it. The very design of the trap (which keeps humans unaware and pinned to a body and to a one lifetime existence) ,where 80-90% of Earth population find themselves, is religious in nature and anatomy.

      The percentage of the ones “above” such implants or not influenced by them are very low indeed. The ones still “sticking to it” in spite of obvious and glaring alterations (and with no threats of family disconnection) are dramatazing an aspect not unlike than when “evangelists” ,for example, (with all due respect for them)) blindly follows the tenets on the Bible (which have been grossly altered throughout the centuries) w/out any discernment or evaluation from their part. For them it is just something that IS, and they don’t question it at all. The Scriptures is their “stable datum”.

      They hold on to it as a “stable datum” they adopted in a big confusion (their life ruins and Qs about existence) to make sense out of livingness. And they WILL keep holding on to it as long as inspection is forbidden (from the Church, from themselves) and that a new, totally inspected and evaluated stable datum is adopted to replace the faulty one.

      This “religious mania” and fixation is very widespread today and it gets worse and worse as we approach technological advances. Just look around you. We are about to get to a period in time similar to the circunstances and plot you found at “Satar Wars , episode IV”. The “dark side” and the “Force” side representing those above the implants and more spiritual advanced. The ones AWARE. You’ll be surprised how many of them are out here. Not only Scientologists (as many of them are not nearly ready yet).

      As regards to GAT 2 program, here is what you got :

      1. The “Survival Rundown” (SRD) is mandatory for everyone regardless of case level. Their reason being that many “undercut processes” were compiled that can supposedly handle many life ruins. So if anybody is an “Objective completion” , still they are sold the SRD and pay for it (the difference which is at least , around $2,500 USD) , so they can “benefit” from these marvelous undercuts. OT VIIs and VIIIs are doing it, all of them , and OTVIIs in the middle of the Solo RD violating several C/S series and the one regarding the “Non-interference zone”.

      You PC folder is supposedly “FESed” to determine what Objectives processes were actually flat and which one were not. They are found “unflat” almost always. So they are re-run. They have taken the section under each CCH tittled “purpose” and have equated this as the “EP” for each one. Gone is, as far as Objectives is concerned, the Scn 0-IV “F/N ,cog , VGIs and release” EP. True that many of the Objectives have their own EPs. But in each of those cases it is SPECIFICALLY written by LRH calling them “EPs” and not “Purposes”, or by mentioning something like, “This is run until……” or such similar phrases.

      And all those specific EPs are written in HCOB form and in issues later than the 1970 (where LRH revised all of them) , where LRH had already researched all about the relation between EPs and F/Ns and when he had found out all about “overruns” and “Rehab Tech”.

      Now a PC is required to voice each and every point of the “purpose section” for each CCH before before being considered “EPed” on any of them. If you have a big cog, VVVVGIs and had a huge release but didn’t voiced each point of the “purpose section” for that particular CCH (they changed the name to “End Phenomena instead of “purpose” , an obvious alter-is) , you can forget about finishing it and starting another. You are not even being allowed to “let the PC has his win” by having the session ended right there. At least that’s the way it is happening down here, which I can’t say where for obvious reasons. And in many parts of the world according to excellent sources of mine.

      You have O/Rs by the dozens, PCs being run for more than 35-50 hrs in each CCH. A lot of “sad effects” and “Out-of” effects happening. See both definitions in Tech Dic. I think this all was done purposely to wreck all cases worldwide. A full dramatizatin of Marcab procedures to “help” the population. That’s how it all started back then ; as an effort to “help”.

      2. Many people are made to re-do their Purifs due to some mysterious LRH ref they found in some hidden boxes in one of LRH’s houses. I am a fully hatted Purif I/C myself and C/S as well , I supervised it for several years. I know exactly how it works. And I can tell you with complete confidence that most of the PCs who completed it, worldwide, are excellent completions. It is no rocket science.

      So anyway, people are very much pushed in this direction. At my Org, many have re-done it that I myself had professionally supervised and can fully testify that they were fully EPed on it with great wins and changes. Yet, they re-did it again with no further history of more drug consumption of exposure after their Purif. By the way , the “Charlatan of the Board” (COB) , never showed such newly found LRH issues at the GAT 2 event nor in any Church official publication that I know of.

      3. The “New Student Hat” is mandatory for every Scientologist. No matter if you recently did the GAT 1 version ;It was “squirrel”according to COB even though he was the one to design it and released it. I mean how incompetent can someone be. It is just ridiculous. In the “wog” world (many of them are more competent and powerful that any of us really) ,he would have been at least fired for incompetent. Yet, he keeps on blaming SPs” for all his errors, real or imaginary. (Most of them imaginary as there wasn’t anything wrong in the first place. But you know SPs, always choose the wrong target.).

      So they supposedly (sorry, should have said “him” , it is contagious apparently) stripped the SH of all the “advance” words and definitions which are “out-gradient” for the new comers. Not exactly a bad purpose in itself (if there is actually an LRH ref to such effect) if done responsibly , but COB is assuming that you never “got it in the first place”.

      I mean, how crazy can this get. And instead of the SH being free as it always was when you purchased major courses, or $500-800 at the most, now you have to paid $2,500 USD to do it. The SRD is also $2,500 USD as well. The SRD, the Purif, and the New SH, cost aprox $7,500 together, and they are services done at the bottom of the Bridge. Talking about “out-of-reachness” here.

      Create a “want” on others by showing them the road to “salvation” , then make it very difficult to reach it by various methods (imposible prices, “now you have to do this first before…”) and you have the exact recipe for heavy PTSness and degradation. An “enforced have” perfectly combined with a “can’t have”. The parrishioners end up running a can’t have in themselves with its resulting power loss, confusion, finantial disaster, and finally dssaffection with the only mentioning of the word “Scientology”. Now, don’t believe for a second that this was not designed to work this way. Evil is very difficult to confront for us humans.

      4. After the New SH, you need to re-do, no matter if you are already a seasoned class VIII (or any classification) , all the training route all over again. No matter if you did the full GAT 1 route ; it doesn’t matter cause it was “squirrel” according to the Charlatan but he was the one who designed it in the first place. How crazier can this get? ?

      So there you have it, the Bridge completely out of reach while is being promoted just the opposite. It was designed so and carefully thought of. We are at war and most of us doesn’t even know it. So insidious is this material. I only hope the Old-man return soon enough.


      • Thanks for the info TC! I didnt know much about gat2, it really leaves me quite speechless as to just how far dave has sqirrelled!

      • You are very welcome 4a !

        Yes , DM really did it this time ; he crossed a line where there is no turning back for him this time. An SP gets stupider and stupider as he accumulates more O/Ws and start to make very obvious mistakes. In that stage , he is on the “self-destruction” path that LRH mentions on the ITSE book.

        You’ll start seeing more and more of such mistakes , more easily evident to others each time , and a lot more of civil rights suits coming up in the next months. I am no astrologer neither I deny having some special gifts, but I can tell all with certainty, that DM’s days are counted. 2 years tops. Put it down in your calender.

        ARC TC

      • Thetaclear, what you say is my understanding too, as regards NOTs being intended by LRH as an undercut to the original OT IV-VII levels (which drilled the pre-OT on OT abilities), rather than NOTs rundowns being made into the new OT levels and the original ones “lost.” LRH’s intended lineup would presumably have prepared the pre-OT for OT VIII.

        The OT VIII version that was first released (in 1988, I believe) with the controversial “Student Briefing” HCOB as part of it, has been said to have failed because the pre-OT’s weren’t set up for it, and thus DM had a different version created (and perhaps other versions after that). This is the view of at least one person who did the original version and has posted comments about it on a couple of forums. Do you have any data as to the authenticity of that original version, or the “Student Briefing” HCOB?

      • Dear Marilidi,

        Thanks for the comm ,

        I did my own independent research 10-12 years ago regarding the “student briefing” so called. My purpose was to ascertain the authenticity or lack of of such issue. I like to find out things for myself , and old habit of mine. I never believed in “Authorities” of any kind. So I went over all LRH materials , confidential or not, where LRH hinted at the various subjects and items mentioned at that “briefing” , including the “History of Man” book and tapes , 6-8 SHSBC lectures , several lectures from the period between ’52-’55 , the R6 materials that eventually became the Clear alternate route and OTII materials , and some of the Original class VIII lectures.

        What I found out, afer connecting all dots, was incredible indeed. As far as I am concerned (and this is only my opinion, but my certainty as well from my research) the “student briefing” is authentic. It was part of the “copy righted confidential materials” that the Church’s lawyers tried to protect back then, then they suddently changed their minds and took it off the list alleging that is was a forgery. If there is anybody who is able to write in such an LRH style with so much command of the Tech , then I really want to meet him/her cause is really a genius indeed.

        Only an incredible trained individual totally familiar with the Tech and all LRH lectures and fully aware of whole track history (by recall) could be able to pull off something like that. I don’t buy such version, not for a minute. It is authentic. The RD was too far advanced only appicable for “high level thetans” and it had been fully researched well before NOTs. But the NOTs case got in the way and the long, long parade of “religious implants” keyed in and it became too much of an out PR issue.

        There is this HCOB that in the early 80s was not confidential at all. I read it the first time when I was stationed at PAC in my EPF. Believe me, it was not confidential. It was part of the R6 era issues in the last days of the BC. The name : “Routine 3 Heaven” HCOB 11 May AD13. M

        Read that HCOB and compare it th the “Student Briefing” and many revelations will fall in your lap. Study the history of Earth’s religions and its various texts as I did and you’ll be able to connect all dots by yourself. Add to that a special and weird gift about the future and you got a recipe for insanity. Fortunately I am already over it and “out if the trap” so to speak.


      • Thetaclear,

        Thank you! I very much appreciate your thorough reply. There is a lot there to consider.

        It occurred to me that you should check out David St. Lawrence’s forum: One poster there in particular, who posts as Bruce D, might be a good person for you to be in comm with. He now has his own section of the forum called “Bruce D’s blog,” which includes such topics as “The Role of Earth.”

        Again, thanks very much for the data.

        ARC, marildi

    • Dear TC,

      Now you really have me salivating! Please supply the references if you can. Would like to check em out.

      What you say makes plenty sense. Your warnings are real. This is not kiddywinks, I get that.

      The truth is out there indeed. I hope you are assisting others with training and auditing. Its very needed and demanded for sure!

      If you keen would like to pose questions of a more private nature to you.

      Kind regards

      • Dear Sheeplebane,

        Thanks for the comm.

        Yes, the warnings are real. All indicators are right under people’s noses and yet they miss it every time. It was designed that way. You want to keep something hidden from others ? Just make it impossible to believe and you would have made it.

        Sure, I’ll be happy providing you with refs. You can contact me at

        MODERATOR COMMENT: TC – we will send your email address to Sheeple – we don’t publish email addresses of commenters for protection and privacy purposes.

        Take care.

        ARC TC

  28. Joe’s van Staden statement below.
    Anyway, then came the day I walked back onto the Apollo after a period of absence, during which most time was spent in the expansion of Europe. Here is the thing, compared to the first time I walked through the gates of St Hill back in 1963 to being back on Flag in the early 70’s I experienced the exact opposite. I entered a cold, unfriendly place with an atmosphere filled with fear and suspicion.

    My answer:

    I was on board at that time and things were pretty grim. After Joe left LRH was aware of this low tone on the ship and he called for an on-board mission to locate all the PTS’s on board and send them back to their FOLO’s. The mission was appointed by the ethics officer and the PTS’s were rounded up and sent back to their FOLO’s.

    However things did not get any better on the ship and LRH wrote in the Orders Of Thew Day a couple of months later that things did not get better. He stated that it was quite apparent that the SP’s on board managed to get rid of the PTS’s to whom they were PTS to.

    Myself and Peggy were in briefing at the time to come back to South Africa and take over the reins at FOLO Af and get things moving.

    Seems like the SP’s are still in control.


    • Maybe there is something wrong the “PTS / SP” theory? It could be correct to some degree, but probably is not a hard/fast inevitable rule. Maybe, just maybe… Ron was WRONG! or if you feel like I do, SP/PTS idea is way over emphasized till its substituted thinking instead of LOOKING. I think that is the main reason for the group insanity in the Sea of S = Tech/Policy is substituted for looking.

      • Hi Ballet Axioms ,

        Nothing wrong really with PTS/SP Tech ; it is quite workable and even life saving in many instances. What is really wrong is the “Fundamentalist” approach in which it is used by the Church and by some supposedly “KSW” terminals where “censorship” is substituted for “ethics gradients”.

        One LRH statement about which I have an enourmous reality on is that “Man can’t be trusted with Justice”. Most of the time , PTS/SP Tech falls under the category of “Justice” as usually it is comprised of actions done on an individual to get him to confront a PTP-type scene that he isn’t doing anything about or is doing out-etichs actions about (creating antagonism, invals and evals of others, etc).

        One is being the effect of someone or something towards which we have an out-etichs or non-optimum attitude. Thus a PTS handling are actions that other is doing on ourselves cause we are not taking any effective actions about it, and thus can be considered, to that degree, a “Justice” type of action.

        Of the hundreds of effective PTS handlings that I have performed, the majority of them consisted on getting the PTS person to find out and realize how he/she was causing (or had caused) the sit in the first place by creating antago with the other terminal. In every case, the PTS individual was antogonizing the “SP” terminal beyond belief : Invals, evals, “make wrong(s)” , evil purps , “look what you did to me(s)” , “I am victim” , blah, blah, blah.

        By the simple action, incredible and absurdly simple action of finding (that is really the trick) how exactly this “PTS” was creating antago and getting him to actually see it and confront it , and then drilling him on better methods of handling his comm cycles with the “antago” terminal, the sits usually just vanished. Magically , a reversal of attitude towards the PTS individual by the “SP” terminal (not really an SP in most of the cases) resulted.

        PTS handlings are extremely easy to do and incredible effective in the hands of really trained people who knows what they are doing. On the wrong hands, it is a living hell full of “wrong indications” , wrong items an a punitive approach.

        What is ussually required to handle most of the PTS sits is a simple “good road, good weather approach” and drills on correctly handling comm cycles with the antago terminal. That’s all really. Sure you have the case of real SPs who doesn’t want anyone or anything to get better. But really , that’s more the exception to the rule. In all my hundreds of handlings, I only had 2 cases of real “with more than 6 SP traits” cases. All the others got handled with the standard approach mentioned above.

        I mean I handled one case of a girl who had been severely PTS to his father for 20 years. Out of non-confront and M/Us , she considered him a real SP. I got her to write him a letter under my careful supervision, that contained no misemotion at all, no evals , no invals, no regrets nor any blame, no “I am a victim” , none “look what you’ve done to me” ; none of that. Just a high toned, ‘in ARC” , “good road, “good weather approach” letter , and asking him to please stop doing some things that were affecting her.

        She did. I had R-factor her to expect a very full of HE&R reply from him, but had instructed her to “JUST ACK ANY GOOD PARTS OF THE COMM”. I had drilled her intensely on how to answer back. She R/Ced like hell during the drills going through heavy grief. I flatten it out till she was really doing it causatively and wiith ARC. It happened exactly as I had predicted it , a very angry back-fire from her father. But she fully applied what I had teached her. That was the end of that PTS sit and not even that, they developed an incredible close relationship after that which has remained till today and that was 30 years ago.

        Those mass SP declares from the CofS are plain injustices and squirrel applications of a Tech that was created to unite and rehabilitate , to foster ARC and understanding among people. The declares are only attempts at censorship and to eliminate “non-comformists” from the group ; to silence the ones who had integrity and honor and dared to speak against a SP administration. Everyone attempting to shake the “status quo” has to be “terminated”. What you call “PTS/SP Tech” dear Ballet Axioms, are only gross alterations and squirrel applications from SP terminals that twisted LRH Tech for their own evil agendas. Please, differentiate one thing from the other.

        ARC TC

  29. Jeez Marie-Louise – I am glad you have escaped the madness of empty promises, hidden agendas and management by urgency of impending crises. Thank you for your write up.

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