Andrew & Shelley Jackson – Part one

[Note: Andrew & Shelley’s story is compelling and we feel it should be told in full. We will be serialising this story over the next week or so.  Here is part one]

Andrew & Shelley

Andrew (aka losingmyreligion) and Shelley (aka Black Panther)

It’s difficult to know where to begin when one has spent their entire lives connected to and living within a belief system like Scientology. Possibly one of the worst things about this is trying to “separate” the subject of Scientology from who the being really is – in other words, what part is Scientology, and what part is the person? Both Andrew and I have grappled with this quite a bit as we continue to find our way out of the Church’s convoluted labyrinths and traps which have been cleverly set-up to hold one under control. Not that we think this was ever LRH’s intention, but it is certainly has become the operating procedure of the Church today.

Both our stories in SCN are complex and multi-faceted. We couldn’t possibly cover everything in just one article, so we have decided to break our story up into “chapters”. This way, the readers don’t go into overwhelm, and our story can be told in bite size pieces, making it easier to digest. Certain stories or incidents deserve to stand on their own as entirely separate articles, and we will also post these from time to time.

How it all began

Interestingly enough, both of our mothers worked for and with LRH. My mom (Rhona Smit) in the 50’s. She both audited and was audited by LRH, was the first ever appointed HCO EXEC SEC WW. She also arranged the purchase of Saint Hill on his instruction (but sadly never got to see it as she left for Australia shortly after).

Andrew’s mom (Monica Quirino) worked with LRH in the 60’s and is possibly one of the longest serving Sea Org members on the planet – we believe still on post at FLB. Andrew accompanied his mother and 3 siblings on first embarkation onto The Royal Scostman ship (later to become the Apollo) in 1967.

Andrew was one of the first appointed LRH CMO’s, and expected to hold a post just as anyone else aboard. He was assigned his first lowered ethics condition by LRH for mucking around in an out-of-bounds area.  He was also over-boarded despite not being able to swim (he was only 7 years old), and like many others, spent time in the chain-locker – courtesy of Otto Roos who was the E/O at the time. He was close friends with Arthur Hubbard, and received Power Processing C/S’d by LRH. He finally returned to South Africa at the age of 10 having experienced more adventures than many people have in an entire lifetime.

Andrew’s and my paths crossed in the Polly Street Org in March 1976 at an LRH Birthday event. Those were the days when an event was a real party, accompanied by champagne and beer (which us kids would sneak out and drink on the balcony of the academy) while listening to loud music, much merriment and everyone getting it down on the dance floor (who remembers those good ‘ol days?). Andrew asked me to dance, and so began a life-long relationship which although only lasting 5 years that round, eventually came full circle in 2002 when we “found” each other again – and have never been apart since.

By 1976 I had completed the HAS and HQS courses, and had a substantial amount of auditing – especially objective processes. Because I was always in the org during school holidays, I was the “guinea pig” PC for any student needing to do a practical drill – as a result, I have no idea what auditing processes were being run on me, but I do know that I became very touchy about being overrun – which obviously happened many times.

Andrew joined staff in 1976 and I followed suit in 1978.  I was the Dir Comm in the Guardians Office, and Andrew the Course Sup for JBG Day (which then became Day, FDN and weekends – not by his choice).  Between the two of us, we have served a combined 15 years on staff. During this time, Andrew was sent to Flag twice – first on a Pro-TR’s pilot which was supposed to take 3 weeks and ended up being 13 months, and then to do his Flag Course Sup Internship – he got a TR’s pass from LRH personally. (No longer valid of course, thanks to GAT).

In late 79/early 1980, an order was received that ALL GO staff had to do the Ministers Course and be ordained. I finished the course in under checksheet time, and at the age of 16, would have been the youngest ordained minister ever, but my auditor, Gisela Metzner, using PC session data,  felt that I should not be ordained due to “moral turpitude” (in other words, I had divulged during session that Andrew and I had slept with each other, and this was a total no-no in Gisela’s opinion) – not that there was any policy on this (we did not fall under Sea Org rules), it was just the personal viewpoint of Gisela – very straight-laced, sanctimonious holier-than-thou member of the former Nazi Youth German Arian race.   So no dog-collar and cross for me.

By this time (early 80’s) things in the GO were becoming hot and heavy with constant and imminent threats of being raided by the police. PC files were being removed off the org premises and sent as far afield as Mozambique. Obviously being in South Africa, we were somewhat remote to what was going down in the USA with Mary-Sue and the FBI raids, etc, but none-the-less, the edict came down from the top that all Ethics files be vetted, and so began the “vetting parties” of removing incriminating evidence from Ethics files. Originally, it started with black koki pens, striking out all the “sensitive” data (who, what, when, how) but then the order came down that the whole word had to be permanently removed by means of a razor blade. Eventually, so much was being cut out of each page, it was any wonder the entire page didn’t disintegrate when held up to the light.

An O/W write up would look something like this. On (CUT OUT) myself and (CUT OUT) went to (CUT OUT) in (CUT OUT). We (CUT OUT) and we (CUT OUT) and then we went to (CUT OUT) where we (CUT OUT). This happened on (CUT OUT). The people who know about this are (CUT OUT- CUT OUT- CUT OUT).

For the record, I was the one who vetted Rena Weinberg’s ethics file (she went on to become ED ABLE INT after the GO was disbanded). And here I was, this young (maybe not so innocent seeing as I wasn’t ordained) 16 year-old vetting the ethics file of a B1 GO staff member.  It was a joke, to say the least.

While we were on staff, both Andrew and I attested to Clear in 1979 after doing the DCSI. (Dianetic Clear Special Intensive – forerunner of the CCRD). I also did Gr0 (in those days, DCSI was done before the Grades). My Clear certificate wasn’t ready at the time of attesting, so I went to get it at a later stage and was told by Katie Botha (no e-meter, no session R-factor, just in the HGC hallway) that as far as she was concerned, I was not Clear, and refused to give me my cert (she also happened to be a schoolteacher of mine and didn’t like me for some or other reason – probably due to my inherent rebellious nature at school, preferring to be the class clown  than one of the clones). I was devastated at her invalidation of my state, and I must admit this sent me off the rails for a number of years after.

By this point Andrew and I had drifted apart, married other people and started our own families – although we still remained in touch socially throughout this period right up until 1990 or thereabouts. Between the two of us, we racked up two marriages each and 7 children from those marriages.

From around 1986 I was very much on the fringes of Scientology – only attending the occasional event – including of course, the one where LRH’s death was announced.

Andrew, in the interim eventually left staff in 1984 as his first child was due and he had to earn a living to support his family – so he too, went off lines for a while. He also had a number of ARC Breaks which occurred around this time:

  1. His father (Owen Jackson) who had joined the Sea Org got beaten up by Owen Starky, resulting in Owen (Jackson) blowing the Sea Org and later on contracting cancer, despite being OTIV.
  2. Andrew was having trouble with his wife who kept going out 2d, so he sent her to the org for an ethics handling. The Ethics Officer (Des Khoury) who handled her cycle also ended up in bed with her! This ultimately led to the end of Andrew’s marriage, leaving him with two small boys under the age of 4 to raise on his own. This, for Andrew, was the ultimate betrayal by the Church and the end of his association with Scientology for the next 15 years.

Around 1993 I decided to go back to the org to try sort out my situation – I did my 2nd Purif (the 1st one I did while on staff in the GO), and then went for a D of P metered interview with Peggie Labuschagne who validated my state of Clear, indicating the previous invalidation had been gross out-tech. I was elated and promptly bought HGC auditing, only to be declared an illegal PC by Des Khoury who was the Snr C/S at the time (long story) – again, dashed hopes of going up the bridge.

In 1995 my illegal PC status was lifted as having been incorrectly assigned, and once again I was allowed on the bridge – I did all the “lower bridge” actions including re-running and checking Objectives, and then onto the SARD, WTH RD, Drug RD, ARC X Wire in preparation for the grades (in the days of the DCSI, NED was run first, many people attested to Clear, and THEN went on to do the Grades etc).

By this point I was becoming more active on-lines and helping the org with various activities, including running a “Sunday School” for young Scientologists. I also did a lot of CCHR work “behind the scenes”.  I couldn’t be overtly working for CCHR as an ex-GO staff member (in those days, telling anyone you had worked in the GO was akin to telling a priest you were a Satanist  who had sacrificed babies on the alter). I got involved in FSM activities, achieving Power FSM for bringing 25 people into the org in one week, and I was active on the Parents Committee of Summerhill School (the Applied Scholastics School based in Midrand) which all 3 of my kids attended. Around this time I also started working on the Southern African Arts Festival (sister to the Saint Hill Arts Festival).

At some point, the decision was made that the org had to move. Johannesburg City Centre was a dangerous environment and public were starting to refuse to come into the org (a few people had been mugged – including my mother, and one person was even shot dead in front of the org). And so new premises were found and bought. This, I believe, was the first time the idea of “straight fundraisers” started, and I attended all the early fundraisers – in those days, you were considered an absolute hero if you gave more than R500. I remember pledging R300 which to me was a small fortune. In comparison to today’s fundraising, we were playing tiddlywinks.

In August 2002, Andrew’s and my lives crossed paths again and I recovered him back into Scientology. The rest, as they say in the classics, is history. We finally tied the knot on the 27th June 2007 – on the day it snowed in Johannesburg!

And so began our 10+ year journey of all-out support of Johannesburg Org. This started when the org was still in the Main Street building, and we spent hours on CF and Treasury files as well as working on the new building, sanding, painting and anything else required of us.

The intention of moving out of Johannesburg was to establish a safe space so that Scientologists could continue up the bridge without the fear of being mugged, shot or having their car stolen. The new org in Kensington was on the constant verge of being done, but new directives kept coming down from Int to build more and expand further, and I believe this was the beginning of what we now know as “The Ideal Org Strategy”.

Right up to and through the move into the new org, we worked alongside staff helping in every way that we could – this was a time of camaraderie and one of the few times I can honestly say that the field and staff were one team. It was a major affair for Joburg Org and the South African Scientology scene in general. Finally, when our brand-new org was unveiled in November 2013, we were incredibly proud of our achievement – and so, the concept of “Ideal Orgs” was now the new yardstick internationally.




84 thoughts on “Andrew & Shelley Jackson – Part one

  1. One thing is absolutely clear from this article – Shelley has absolutely failed to duplicate the ‘new’ Scientology. Shelley and Andrew, all you have to do is learn to shut your mouths, toe the line, PR the crap out of everything and you too can get back into the good graces of our beneficent almighty church. Surely, that’s not asking too much? and imagine the benefits that will flow? More invalidation (and Shelley, you had some crackers!), uptone fundraisers and ultimately bankruptcy on OT levels at Flag.
    Otherwise it’s a great story and I applaud the idea of doing it in instalments. I often feel these stories are too rushed in the desire to do it in no more than 1 000 words or so. Anyone’s story usually has a lot of different components each worthy of comment.

    • Hi Maven – I guess keeping one’s mouth shut and toeing the line works for a while, but ultimately you realise you’re just kidding yourself and stroking someone’s ego. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story as it unfolds.

  2. Shelley – well done on getting this down in writing – I have been waiting for it! I have stocked up on popcorn and coffee and eagerly await the next chapters.
    Your and Andrew’s stories just show how much bullshit we accepted as the norm in Scientology. It is now a constant source of amazement how much we were all willing to put up with, thinking it would all be worthwhile in the end. Seriously, what were we thinking?
    I look forward to hearing the rest of your stories, Andrew and Shelley. As far as I am concerned – the more detailed the better. Hopefully a time will come when we can all come into the open and tell our stories. In the meantime – I applaud your courage in coming forward with yours.

    • Thanks Draco – it’s a relief to finally tell our story and “come out”. I guess being the social personalities, we all kept hoping things would improve while being fed the PR and lies. There comes a time when enough is enough and the pain/pleasure ratio is just not worth it anymore. Happy reading!

      • Interesting, I knew and worked with both Shelley and Andrew’s moms – Rhona Smit and Monica Quirino. I liked both a lot. Rhona and Monica were very special people yet very different. Anyway if the kids turned out anything like their parents they should be a real asset to the team.

  3. I love the idea of telling it in smaller chunks, makes a lot of sense and also creates some very good anticipation for the rest of the story. So far, you both sound like very good and real people who care a lot and were doing a lot to help out despite having your share of mishandlings. I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.

  4. Thank you Shelly for coming out and telling your story. I can’t wait until the next chapter! Good job and what a harrowing first chapter! I can see how the Co$ spun you around and around into total confusion and that is HOW SCIENTOLOGY ROLLS. They actually put everyone into a total state of confusion to make them more amenable and easier to manipulate. This is all done to get the goal done….MONEY MONEY MONEY and FREE SLAVE LABOR!

    Study up on Narcissism and mind control tactics used in cults. It is freeing to totally understand how this is used by a total narcissist to control others to get money, free labor and admiration. The information helps heal the trauma one experiences from doing Scientology.

    David Miscavige is a psychopathic Narcissist!

    • Hi IM – Although it didn’t start out that way (money money money), it’s certainly the way it is now. And if you’re not willing to cooperate or ask too many uncomfortable questions, they chew you up and spit you out without a second thought – be damned with the lifetime of support and help one has contributed.

  5. goddam really… what a story, please tell all no holding back. Make it as long as the real story needs. Pure Entertainment!

    • We finally know who Black Panther is! Well done to both of you on coming out. And thank you for your tireless service in the SO where you probably didn’t get any thanks. I look forward to the rest of your stories. Welcome!

      • Hi Cindy – Yep, I am bust – Black Panther indeed! Actually my name was offered up on the pussy-cat blog a while ago – I suspect by one of my own family members……. but that story is yet to come. Watch this space!

      • I hear you Shelley. My own kids turned me in and reported the Alias I wrote under then I was UTR. They snooped. I never bothered to have things uber hidden cuz I trusted that they wouldn’t snoop. but they did. And it ended badly. It is what the church turns our family members into.

  6. SCN is a small, small world. I happen to know both Katie Botha and Dez Khoury despite being a generation younger than you, and on the other side of the world. I would be surprised if Katie is still alive, but when I knew her it was in 1998 at Flag, and she was ancient. She was the Qual Librarian. She was one of the meanest Sea Org members I’d ever met. You really have to go out of your way to be mean to someone in a Qual Library. She managed to do it quite well, and quite often.

    Dez Khoury was on the Outer Org Trainee program at FLAG between 1993 and 1995. He was the Snr C/S Africa in Training. I do not recall him finishing the program. I believe he was off-loaded. I think Dez was about 50 or 60 at this time (was hard to tell as he had a somewhat unique complexion).

    If I recall correctly he twinned with a 13-yr-old Collin Smith-Levin on the RTC Flag TRs Program. This was Collin Smith-Levin, the twin brother of Aaron Smith-Levin, whose mother’s declare and disconnection cycle was recently profiled on Tony Ortega’s blog.

    • Hi Deepak, I had to smile when you said Katie ended up in the Qual Library. She was the librarian at the school I attended, where her and I clashed a number of times. As for Des, I believe he lost all his certs and never C/S’ed or audited again. He dropped the body a couple of years ago after years of suffering from emphysema.

  7. Black Panther Shelley – you always write so eloquently. I am really looking forward to the unfolding of this story.

    I was apparently also “outed” on the pussy-cat blog. Thing is that I had long ago said who I was and what names I had used to post, and then they claim that they were told by someone under the radar (making out that there is a spy amongst us.) I reckon they just worked it out from the stories that were told, or in my case -and Alan Mckinnon who goes by the nickname Splog, and mentions his real name frequently- they were flat out informed by us. So much for the spy. Perhaps in your case it may be a family member – you may know something more in that regard, but there is no spy amongst us. Third party tech at its worst – used by the RCS itself. And I note that bar a couple of exceptions, they also post under aliases on that blog. I wonder why? Maybe all the same person?

    • Hi Wendy – Thanks for the ack! I can just imagine them jumping around in glee at what they thought they had “uncovered”. In my case, I was pretty brazen with my data so it wasn’t rocket science figuring it out. The funny thing about those in the bubble is they think the tech may only be applied BY them and cannot be applied TO them. The joke is that while they’re busy playing Cluedo, the number of public walking out the back door continues to increase almost daily.

      • Yes Shelley – the clues are right in the tech. Covert invalidation and nullification is the social intercourse of Scientology. Hiding their crimes with disconnection, cutting comm lines, outing people because they know to much, forcing them to sign gag orders never to speak a word about what they know – all in the TECH to figure out the real evil people!

      • MAA Angelo Ryan seems to do almost nothing other than print off every article and all postings and try catch people out. They take the odd hard fact (like letting slip you were at a specific meeting which can be verified) to compare to who was actually at that meeting. In other words, he’s no longer doing Scn or ethics but detective work to uncover people who really don’t care any longer whether they’re outed or not. It is the ultimate reflection of what a loser organisation it has become with absolutely no purpose left in life.

  8. Hey Shelley, wonderful to see the mask has now been relegated to the bin!
    Still, what a great moniker, and it served you with a passion! (nog al!) Hey, and what about ‘the feeling’ …. THAT feeling!!!!…of course, where you can now drop all the now useless
    chains, iron balls, hand cuffs, lip zips and other confining bric-a-brac, and now just let RIP from the hip? Soar free (with an overview) in a totally unencumbered, liberated viewpoint.
    I remember that day,(for me) as a supreme pleasure moment. Revel, in your own ‘re-birth’, Shelley, and it a pleasure ( & exciting ) to have you share the ongoing story with us.

    Calvin B. Duffield. Durbs, (by the sea!) 🙂

    • Hey Calvin! Thanks – I have read (and laughed) at many of your posts on the various blogs. It certainly is liberating to finally “come out”. I hope you’ll continue to enjoy our story as it unfolds over the next while. 🙂

      • Andrew, this ‘Scns getting back in comm’, is resurrecting more ‘hopes’ than many could believe possible (and even those down at .05 apathy are getting a much needed reprieve here.) Not going to happen for the opponents of THE Sharks though, I’m afraid! 🙂

        ARC, Calvin

  9. Off topic entirely, but does anyone know what happened to George Rose-Innes, formerly of Durban, then siphoned off into Sea Org subjugation in Jo’burg? George introduced me to DMSMH, by selling me the book in 1971, in Durban.

      • Incredible! He must close to his 90’s by now. Thanks. He was an ex from the SA airforce, Devout Scn, and owned and operated a Health store in Durban, which he bought off Karl & Sandy Kroeger. incidently, as I remember, Sandy started off by making a botch of a batch of ‘peanuts and toffee’ concoction, and people tried it, loved it, and voila! …birth of the “NOOGY BAR.”(probably South Africa’s first foray in the “Nutrition Snack Bar” business! ) My apologies to Sandy & Karl for any unintended inaccuracies. 🙂

      • And he sold the health shop that he bought from the Kroegers to Jenny Birkett, Durban Scientologist who was a staff auditor for a very long time at the old Durban org in College Lane. Jenny did very well with the shop, even provided the Purif pcs with their Purif vits, minerals and oils.

      • Vivid memories for me too gc! Good times those. Indeed, Jenny is a shining star, and always will be, in my book. Another little bit to complete the picture for you: Before Durban Org had their own sauna, by mutual arrangement, they used to send their ‘purif’ students all the way up to my commercial gym, at Overport, where I could keep an eye on their progress. It was perhaps an insignificant, but at the same time, (for me, at any rate) just one way to contribute, and made the ‘LRH experience’ seem so much more inclusive.

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  11. This account of child abuse on the Royal Scotsman, later renamed the Apollo, further confirms that L. Ron Hubbard directed and oversaw child abuse. That’s disturbing. I hope this is not going to be rationalized away in some fashion.

    • And what about punishment per se. I’ve read LRH saying in policies and elsewhere that punishment doesn’t work, he cited the prison system ever growing with criminals returning. Yet, he punished his minions constantly and in really bad ways. This blew my mind when I first learnt about it. It sent me into a quandary of confusion.

      Like you, B Partz, I hope this fact is ‘not going to be rationalised away in some fashion.’

      • That my comment was published is a good sign and shows a willingness and courage to confront the truth.

        There have always been two main “camps” in Scientology: those who are really Hubbardites, whose loyalty to L. Ron Hubbard is total. That loyalty to one person overrides all else.

        Then there are those who support *what is best in Scientology*.

        Ever since I can remember – even while in the organization in the 1960s and 1970s – there has always been tension between these two groups.

        Two items that may be relevant are a 1986 interview done by author Russell MiIler of LRH’s former auditor and former Senior Case Supervisor International, David Mayo: Well,

        And an article from IVy magazine by David Mayo on Clear, from 1990:

        If *the good* in Scientology is to be salvaged, and made acceptable to the broad public, then issues such as these will need to addressed, IMO.

      • Contradictions between what Hubbard wrote and what he actually did must be confronted. It may take time to verify such contradictions, but they cannot remain hidden for long in this Information Age.

        Invalidation of Hubbard’s behavior should not invalidate the knowledge that was apparently supported by Hubbard. Any knowledge should be judged by the consistency of its own and the consistency it has with reality. The knowledge should not be judged by the person who is associated with it in some way.

    • B. Partz – I think I was fortunate in the fact that my mother, who worked extensively for LRH, was never “sucked in”, never deified him or put him on a pedestal. She always told me that LRH was “just a man”, not infallible and had his faults – just like everyone else. She told me a story once about how some “out tech” on NOTS that Mayo was annihilated for, but she (my mom) suspected was actually a mistake made by LRH at the time.

      Personally, I prefer to go with “if it doesn’t sound right or work for you then its not true” – regardless of whether LRH said it or not. The only problem is that this attitude is not tolerated in the Scientology Church of extremism.

      • That’s good to hear.

        However, the dictatorial model of Scientology goes way back.

        LRH bronze busts appeared, IIRC, in 1963.

        Giant photos of LRH began appearing, IIRC, around 1968.

        The problem predates the current Scientology Church and was built into the subject by its founder.

        Facing this situation won’t be easy for some, but how can it be avoided if Scientology is to be accepted by more than a few?

  12. Nice one and thanks for taking the time to write this up. Much appreciated.

    Great stories too. There must be many sub-plots to your time in the GO as well. You guys did some great work and too much of it discounted later. You were a balance to management as is now so absent with the SO in screaming control with no balance at all.

    OSA is hopeless. Their product is supposed to something like ” Handled situations that harm the forward progress of Scn” (paraphrased). How are they doing now, with achieving that product? Hmmm. In some cases they create situations that harm Scn. 180 the opposite.

    I look forward to your coming articles.

    • Thanks greeenonwhite. Yes, there many sub-plots and stories to tell about my GO days. I remember reading a GO Order (blue on blue paper) that the Guardian Office were Ron’s “Heavy Hussers” – there to protect Scientology so that orgs could continue to deliver SCN without distraction – and I do believe that in the main, that product was being achieved at that time. There were also unfortunately, some weird goings on with heavy ethics actions being enforced, metered plant interviews run on public and staff and such.

      When the GO finally disbanded and OSA took over, it reminds me of that story about cutting off the monsters head, and 7 more growing in its place, turning into a whole new monster. The serpent eventually turning on its own tail. In my opinion, OSA and most of the hierarchy of the SO is Type 3 – they see monsters and enemies everywhere, especially within their own group – and if you step out of line by speaking up or demanding correction of some outpoint, you’ve had it – you are on the radar and thus fair game – regardless of your status, training level or record of contribution to the group.

      • Yes, isn’t it amazing, Shelley, how they do that? One’s history of helping, being a valuable part of the team and contributing above and beyond – just wiped out at the flick of a wrist.

        Worse, OSA makes up stories about you that are ridiculous but because it’s OSA, the general public will listen and believe. Remarkable.

  13. Thanks for writing up your story, it has many resonances for one who was in the C of S in Australia in those years. Yes, after growing up with scientology, differentiating it from our own beingness can be an interesting problem. Because scientology includes so many truths that are basic to each being, it was tempting to identify with the whole subject and also with the weird packaging that it developed from the 60s onward.

    But may I suggest that we’ve know all along who we are and what we really think? If something seemed wrong at first glance, if it was a struggle to convince yourself to accept it, perhaps it really was wrong.

    • Hi David – thanks. I agree fully – and in fact I seem to remember either reading or hearing somewhere that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t Scientology. As our story continues, you will see more and more our view of how “un-Scientology” the Church became for us – unrecognizable and totally departed from what it should have been.

  14. Shelley, I’m tremendously interested in your story, particularly with the level of detail you include. I’d be really interested to know if you were aware of, or yourself involved in, any actions intended to harm, harass or intimidate other people whilst a member of the Guardians Office? What’s your viewpoint of those actions now, especially in light of the current actions being taken against SA scientologists who dare to speak up about their concerns?

    • Hi SM. In my GO days, the threat to Scientology from “out there” was very real and actions taken to protect the Church were necessary. Although there were some odd attempts of infiltration from within, they were spotted and handled pretty rapidly – certainly this was the case in South Africa. The outside threats were Government enquiries, attempts to ban the religion outright etc. Today, we enjoy freedom of religion (as does most of the rest of the world) and those threats no longer exist.

      Unfortunately, in my opinion, the actions being taken today are very different in that the perceived “threat” is the Church’s very own parishioners, and they have now become the enemy. In other words, OSA replaced the GO and never stopped fighting, instead turning their guns onto their own troops. It’s a system gone insane.

    • Its a blog that appeared some time after the back-in-comm blog was launched. It’s a classic OSA-type sanctioned blog intended to further denigrate, harass and harangue those of us who are no longer members of the Church. It’s content and vitriolic spewing of hatred and venom (just like is one of the reasons I came to realise that the Church I knew and grew up in no longer existed.

  15. Congratulations Andrew and Shelley. I am a never-in but am an outspoken critic of the abuses and frauds going on. I value a persons right to believe what they want to believe.

    I’d like to say to you the same thing I say to everyone who bravely tells their story:

    We have been waiting for you.

    • Thanks NolaGirl – much appreciated. I too, believe that abuse and fraud have no place in this world – and especially not from a “Church” that purports themselves as being “the most ethical group on the planet”. If that’s the case, I’m catching the next shuttle to the moon. 🙂

  16. Hi Shelley and Andrew. Thanks so much for starting your story. I’m looking forward to the next episode and hope it is not only as detailed as possible but that it comes quickly.

    I’ve been acquainted with you and your families for some time but will learn get to know you only now throught this blog. I look forward to this, very much. One day, we’ll meet in the flesh and introduce our new selves.

    I’m with you as far as separating one’s beingness from Scn. It is an ongoing process. I’ve started to have great wins though from the process especially in throwing off some of the labels, eg. PTS, PTS Type-A, crtical because I have overts and withholds, for starters.

    The latter is the hardest for me because I spent a good part of my career in Scn writing up OWs every time something went wrong in my life or I felt that something was off about someone or something that I’ve witnessed! I lived my life in my own Dept 3! Overall with this, I’m winning.

    I’m happy that you’re out and come to realise the lost cause that is the current C of $.

    • Hi HappieChappie. You are so right about the O/W write-ups. I remember watching one of the episodes of Leah Remini while she was practising her Dancing with the Stars routine. She told the interviewer how she was indoctrinated into believing “everything that happens to you is your fault – it’s all you, and you are responsible”. She was so bang-on, and this gave me much pause for thought – that instant “shit, I must have done something to pull this in” thinking has to go – along with a whole other bunch of false data and “thought stopping” habits we picked up along the way.

      Looking forward to meeting you soon 🙂

    • I see labels of PTS and SP as failure points of Scientology technology.

      There were no SPs and PTSs when Dianetics was published. Dianetics promised to handle it all.

      When situations to be handled became too big, the labels of SPs and PTSs were created.

      • Really, vinaire? So, are you saying, in effect, that the ‘phenomenon’ of what are simply described as “suppressive” people, does not in fact exist?
        Person/s in your memory bank, that tried to ‘crush’ YOU, merely figments of your imagination? Labels that don’t fit “reality”??
        People who are constantly MADE to feel stupid, inadequate, a failure, constantly making mistakes… is this all simply their own ‘fault’ ?…Really?

        C’mon, vinaire, as one of the brighter stars in the galaxy, surely you, (especially YOU) don’t buy that?

        It’s difficult to swallow that a horribly beaten, battered and bruised woman, of goodwill and intent, would be able to agree with you.

        Oh yes, I get it, it’s far easier to just pretend that the confront of EVIL, is just too big to be done, so the best thing is, to just cower under the ‘ostrich tech’
        of not-is’ing the situation.! …. Then ‘it’ just ‘goes away’!! ….Right?

        Reality check, vinaire! ‘Labels’,(words) are merely ‘symbols’, substitutes, for lugging around, the actual ‘things’, one is trying, (with some apparent difficulty) to communicate about.

        I’d love nothing more than to take you on a grand tour, where we could go through some ‘no-go’ areas, (as a goodwill gesture, you understand)

        At the very least, vinaire, I am convinced that you would come away with a heightened appreciation of that vital state of ‘being in present time’ , and maybe a couple of notches upward on your ability to confront EVIL!

        so, come join me in the trenches, vinaire,…. the invitation stands.
        — Calvin.

  17. Great write up Shelley. Looking forward to next installment.

    BTW, loved your comment to Wendy above. It’s worth repeating: ” The funny thing about those in the bubble is they think the tech may only be applied BY them and cannot be applied TO them. ” ain’t that the truth!

  18. Thank you. Really enjoyed reading and look forward to more. Your comments on seeing what is your spirituality and what is Scientology rings so true. It’s a blurred line for so long that it’s tough to really see. I truly feel sorry for those who have lost the ability to see that difference. YOU as a being is not the church and your ability to survive is not dependent on them either. It’s a revelation when someone realizes that. As for the pussy cat blog it make me laugh. They attempt to make less of us all but it only makes it obvious that we have missed a few things!!!!!! I could tell you a few home truths on the likes of Dan and Larry!!!

    • Thanks Lisa. I think its at the point one realises they are not “part” of the Church that they become dangerous, as they start speaking their mind and questioning outpoints. Naturally, they then have to be squashed as quickly as possible – hence the Church resorts to things like “instant” declares and libellous whispering campaigns to discredit people. And if that doesn’t work, they start publishing PC and Ethics folder data – despicable.

  19. Thanks to all above who have commented and replied. I have been giving a lot of thought to the issues of PTS and SP and “it’s all your fault so write up your OW’s”. I am working on an article on this, … but to summarise: a stranger walks up and kicks you in the gonads. You have no this-lifetime overs against this prick. But now you must go write them up and have a 10 August… NO. Not anymore!

  20. B Partz – you mentioned child abuse. At the time I just crapped myself and had a combo of terror and guilt. Because I must have done something really wrong to deserve that. To this day I don’t know the real reason half of us were over boarded. Some auditors screwed up. What My Mom did god knows. When Mary-sue went over I couldn’t work it out. I think half the fear was due to the unpredictability of who would go over or whatever. There’s a mystery attached which leaves you unable to prevent the next one because you’re not really sure why this one happened.

    • Thanks for sharing that.

      Clear number eight and founding Scientologist Alan Walter, who was on the first Class VIII course in 1968, described the scene during the over-boarding of a terrified middle aged woman. She couldn’t swim and appeared to be drowning. He jumped into the dirty dock water – where the ships dumped their sewage – and rescued her.

      What especially disturbed him was that LRH was filming the entire thing.

      One can only imagine that Miscavige, year later, watched those same films – He would have access to them as Scientology dictator – and some of the land based punishments would have been inspired by them..

      When asked why he stayed in Scientology after that, Alan Walter responded that, at the time, he considered that he must have “overts” causing him to think “unkind thoughts” about L. Ron Hubbard.

      As with David Mayo, and many others, who witnessed abuses undeniably from LRH, he stayed in Scientology for many years afterwards.

      When one believes that the survival and well being of all Mankind depends on one man – L. Ron Hubbard – almost anything can be overlooked.

  21. Dear losingmyreligion,
    I want to tell you that my heart breaks for that little 7 year old non-swimmer who got thrown overboard off a boat. That is one of the cruelest, most horrendous things I have ever heard of. Sickening, really.

    These were acts of both physical and emotional abuse, designed to cause deep fear in order to make you “pliable”. These acts did not come from Otto Roos. He may have been doing the acts, but they did not come from him.

    I wish you and your wife the best in your new life. May it bring you many, many joys.

  22. Great write-up so far Shelley & Andrew – looking forward to reading more of your story! Isn’t it interesting just how much insanity is tolerated and even justified as okay in this group that is supposed to be working towards a saner civilization? You guys are doing the right thing standing up and highlighting the craziness.

  23. Pingback: Andrew & Shelley carry on… (part three) | Scientologists back in comm

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